Sigh...come to tink of wat happened last nite... I think my emotions management should be cos of my swollen left voice-maker in my throat... dunno wat is it called la.. but today when i wake for the run.. the sore throat was SO bad that I felt super feverish... Got deardear to worry again... sian diaoz.. I muz go back to the strict dietary I used to condone last time during training le. Its time to get healthy and fit again.
Sorry deardear.. sincerely apologize for all the unhappiness til this early morning.. Hope u understand that my xing qing bu hao.. cos my body's constantly irritated by the throat virus since days ago... thx dear for taking care of mi and trying to stop watever i'm eating... hope dear'll eat healthily oso and practice wat u preach to me.. then we can be both healthy healthy again.. yah? =)
Don't really care that I last min skip the run.. except my boss will be disappointed in mi but I'm really sick. so Fuck it. yayh.. went to see doc.. Again. Got Medicine and MC... then...
After eating medicine go to zzz... darling msg mi this.. "*looks @ how adorable dear looks lyk while slpin & covers him dfully under blanket xia hao da de yu o.. Deardear muz be restin well in his slp:) miss u dear.."
So sweet.. I miss you too dear.... Can't wait for you to come.. but then you confirm dun let mi send you home de lor... hope dearie will let me send her til AMK.. hugx...
Gonna hab dinner le... dearie nv reply my sms.. dunno wat she wanna eat....
Gonna work out a little.. esp. my hamstring.. tuesday got review.. muz be strong strong...
Checkout~
Ray.
5:11 PM
dui bu qi deardear... make u cry because of one ring...
anyway.. juz to tell u... wat i did really isn't anything great la.. its juz something i wish to do for u... Love is compromising ma...
Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, love does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, love does not take into account a wrong suffered, love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part;
Above is a phrase from the bible... that I think is pretty romantically sweet and pretty true... I'm juz rather supportive of it la. and I shared with dear... its almost the basis of how my love is built lo... =)
Okie.. back to the main thing... Dear dint wear the ring I bought for her.. then I ask her... then she took out from wallet and put it back in again... feeling wierd.. I asked her again lo... cos Ya... I really felt quite sad.. you yi zhong rather dun buy rite like that... if you dun wanna wear... i mean.. the RS can go on without the ring if you don't want it... Its juz a symbol that Represents and reminds each other of their other half in their daily life and activities.. ain't it? Well.. Then dear gave mi the reason that its actually cos she's lazy to wear it and then take it out cos it takes a great deal of effort to do so.. and she dun wanna wear it at home... cos the time is not right.. well.. I WAS not really fine with that when I heard it.. but its okay already cos as time goes by and with my own effort of determination.. I got over the feelingz of it lo.. moreover..deardear cried cos she knew that it will make mi sad and yet keep the ring back and dun wear it. I felt bad too.. tears dripped when I parted with her at AMK to take my train home as I thought of her tearie eyes and cheeks. No one's at fault la.. I know why she do so.. but again.. Knowing and Understanding is DIFFERENT from how you FEEL abt the same matter. Just like Whether you CAN or not is different from you WANT or not... That's my ultimate understanding so far that I've derived for maturity... Often pple misunderstood.
I understand and know that dear's feeling that even tho she know her feelings are true to me.. its still a short time that we've got together.. and she wanna wait til a time whereby the "time is ripe" then she can "announce" or rather.. show it to the world.. it being our R/S. The ring is of MUCH significance to her despite her laziness that played a part in her not wearing it.. Yes.. I Knew and Understood them all... but the saddened feelingz are juz overwhelming for a while... I'm still pretty fine with the way I managed myself tho. LOL. =D
yah... and so... dear cried and cried.... sigh..wo de xin hen suan...
I really dint mean for that to happen... dou shi wo bu hao.. I'm not matured enuff ba... Or rather.. Feelings manipulation hai bu dao jia for mi lor. Politically right way of doing it should be juz leave her to keep the ring in the wallet then til she tink the time is right then she'll wear lor. then I can say I notice le (Which if I do so I surely will notice.) to show that I cherish her every single bit of details. But nah.. I'm juz not good enuff.
Dearie was very sweet... to listen to my complains abt moving stuffs here and there too... very very understanding and her listening ear and consoling lips are so soothing and comforting that kept me going back... thanks dear... I am so in love with you..........
Just feeling very bad tat I made these few days feel so bad...
Ego flared oso.. fcuk. But since last time til now I still cant take it lightly whenever someone says I'm lazy/ChowKeng or watever when I'm training and working SO HARD already and just taking a rest.
YES I NOE SHE'S KIDDING.. but still.. the above I mentioned in Italic and Bold applies.... All along.. I juz can't take it... I can't explain why.. but yes.. if there are flaws in every human.. I can say that that is ONE in me.
Sigh... dearie.. I'm awfully sorry for watever thats saddening and unhappy to you that had happened in these 2 days and nites.. Really..
*hugs tight*....
tomolo still got run.. 400m. sianz. and my nose couldn't wait and already started sprinting on the spot already... fcuk... ='(
Checkout~
Ray.
11:35 PM
wad a sweeet morning.. such a coincidence.. i secretly made breakfast for dear to surprise him while he bought me breakfast without telling me also.. b4 tt,i actually called him while he tried to call me..
hee~ is this what they call telepathy??
2dae was e first time dear come swim during lunch time.. accompanied me for 1hr45mins.. so nice~ even got some chocolates from him & a lil thankew note=)
dear notti notti huh.. dun feel lyk going dance later.. me dun care! must go!! ha.. wo men yao ba salsa(elementary) xue hao right..?
hmm.. jus a lil update on my work @ police academy.. think i would be going over to HTA @ cck to wrk as lifeguard instead.. cos e shift there more attractive.. its either 7am-1pm or 1-7pm. furthermore, its 2 lifeguard per shift, gt company! yay~ haha.. anw just ask irin if she's interested to join me @ HTA. n she said YES! =) we can haf endless chats if we wrk tgt man.. hee..
guess what.. she actually suggested we go on a double date! hw fun wld tt be man..
yup.. so right now i'm at home, sitting on my bed, waiting for dear to finish work as soon as possible so we can go for dinner and dance tonight! meanwhile i think i'm dozing off to dreamy land..
hugs given by ~samsam~
4:09 PM
Firstly, below is the link to Panasonic VS2 software suite. Took somewhile to find it so might as well post it on blog for easier finding if pple search for Panasonic Software...
---> http://panasonic.co.jp/pmc/products/en/support/software/index.html
Heh.. here I am again.. sidetracking from work... just to proclaim how sweet my dear is...
She did me breakfast~ simple but still it takes effort and she woke up extra early to cook it wo... and most importantly.. it taste real good~ except a li'l too salty.. but i love to eat salty stuffs.. so its fine~ hehee.. SOOOO hapi lor... dearie really made my day.. haha... =p
seriously... no one ever did me breakfast before wo... lunch got la.. some porridge when I was sick.. and that was when I was sick onli~ heh.. Got some kinda "kio dio sai" de gan jue... lol... =p juz kidding! hahahaha... aiyo.. I don't know how to express myself le.. haha.. so touched lo.
haiz... beside that.. I have to complain some stuffs... EVERYONE IS ASKING ME TO HELP THEM CARRY STUFFS. HELLO... I GOT MY OWN WORK TO DO OSO~~~~
SIGH.....
nvm.. I shall help.
Design blogskin later.. so tired of cutting and pasting documents to HTML tables... Coding has NEVER been SO BORING IN MY LIFE SINCE POLY BEFORE~~~
tonite got dance. .dun feel like going.. feel like spending more time with deardear.. bu dong ta hui bu hui sheng qi? nvm.. shall ask... no ask = no chance...
Deardear.. I miss you... Hao xiang jian dao ni even tho we juz saw each other some 15 mins ago...
Me wan Mu Gua~~~~ LOL....
oki oki.. bac to work~
HUGE WET MUACKSSS FOR DEARDEAR~~~
heee...
Checkout~
Ray.
9:22 AM
jus return home from dinner with deardear at kovan.. (of cos thx2ASP Chan would gave us a lift from PA2hg)
was a very short time spent with dear but felt very happy with him.. so much so that i was reluctant to let him go at e MRT station.
times with dear is just so sweeeeett..! its a kind of sweetness that i've never experienced & indulged in before.. very lucky to have met dear.. he has been a very loving boyfriend to me..
below is a list of things he had done4me so far(stuffs tt i can recall at the moment):
- write&specially design letters, poems, parchment4me
- buy me medicine e moment he noes i'm sick
- sleep with me to ensure i'm feeling well
- wipe my face with warm towel when i feel unwell
- shelter me frm pouring rain e moment i alight frm a bus
- hug me or rub my hands e moment he noes i'm cold
- massage my aching neck & back
- brings cream4sprains/crack & rubs it on my feet4me
- buy my favourite little snacks for me
- send breakfast for me when i'm at work
- purchase our couple ring & amazingly e correct size..
plus SO MANY more...........................
i cant say how fortunate i am now.. dear is jus so xi xing.. caring.. attention to detail.. loving.. concern for me.. i'm so well taken care of by him!
psssssttt... *samsam whispers into dear's ear..
i'm getting so in love with you..!*
muackzzzz... left by -samsam-
11:34 PM
Its a wednesday.. and its morning.. Y am I here.. Blogging? haha..
Just dun feel like working.. feels like self-discipline getting from bad to worst... muz be the indulgence.. but tat's okay.. I'm kinda tired being Mr Right and Mr Nice Guy for the time being.. Its time for a break. *Don't worry dear.. I'm so in love with you.. and I AM still Mr Faithful*. Hee...
Really enjoyed every moment spent with dear.. grumpy or laughter-filled.. notti or guai.. or juz plain sweet.. I'm cherishing every single seconds... and every DAY seems shorter when I spend it with dear... Seriously.. It's been quite a long break since I felt this kinda crazy feeling... Life is just too dreamily beautiful now despite the bumps I still encounter every now and then..
Maybe its cos of all the shit I've went thru.. thus a li'l sweetness will make me go heaven Nine...Wadeva.. =P
Anyway.. I'm really glad that during the 4 short days.. some important doubts and uncertainty were cleared and dear's getting only more comfortable with me than ever... Really really lightened some loads off the heart... and one of the more concerning matters was that I finally conveyed my feelings for her placing that photo on her bedhead to her... I know she will think abt it.. bring considerate abt how I'll feel and all.. but I juz find it hard to convince her that it's really okay.. cos I strongly feel that what the other party feels and wanna do.. is nv in control by another... If one day she feels that its time to change.. then she'll change.. its nv up to me to command and control.. I learnt that the hard way.. I nv wanna repeat that again.
God.. I'm so in love again.
She's special... cos..
She's sam.
She's aggressive (In Many ways.. *wink*)... heee...
She's rebellious... fun.. notti.. Limit-Knowing.
She has complimentary(to my BIG chest) big boobs? *LOL.. JUZ KIDDING*=p
She's a sports extremist.. LOL.. or rather.. SWIM-siao. - Finally got someone to pei he the sports siao me.
She's the first and only one whom when I hold hands with.. My sweaty palms doesn't relapse.
She's also the first love for me whom I can behave like MYSELF totally.. crazily.. whackily.. MADLY.. and EVERYTHING-GUOQING-LY naturally..
She's every inch into me now.
and I love her bites. hee hee hee...
I shall leave the rest to next time. hehehee... gotta go back to work~
hmmiez.. apart from her... I'm...
Waiting for mummy's rest day to bring her to the massage/die da/tui na shop... hope she'll enjoy it~ lol.. should be quite painful tho.. =p but nvm.. good food is juz beside!
Waiting for next pay to get a new fone.. btw.. I'm using VS2 now.. Pink! bwahaha.. Hottie~
Waiting for afternoon to come so I can gym and nite to come so I can swim.
Waiting for tomolo to come so I can swim and dance.
Waiting for friday to come so I can go back to where I Belong. My Playground. I miss it SO SO MUCH.
Uncle.. Jason.. ZM.. ZQ.. Kny.. I'LL BE BACK IN A MONTH'S TIME.... AND ONLY STRONGER, FASTER AND SHARPER... THAN EVER.
That I promise myself and God-o-Basketball.
Checkout~
Ray.
9:15 AM
Its a wednesday.. and its morning.. Y am I here.. Blogging? haha..
Just dun feel like working.. feels like self-discipline getting from bad to worst... muz be the indulgence.. but tat's okay.. I'm kinda tired being Mr Right and Mr Nice Guy for the time being.. Its time for a break. *Don't worry dear.. I'm so in love with you.. and I AM still Mr Faithful*. Hee...
Really enjoyed every moment spent with dear.. grumpy or laughter-filled.. notti or guai.. or juz plain sweet.. I'm cherishing every single seconds... and every DAY seems shorter when I spend it with dear... Seriously.. It's been quite a long break since I felt this kinda crazy feeling... Life is just too dreamily beautiful now despite the bumps I still encounter every now and then..
Maybe its cos of all the shit I've went thru.. thus a li'l sweetness will make me go heaven Nine...Wadeva.. =P
Anyway.. I'm really glad that during the 4 short days.. some important doubts and uncertainty were cleared and dear's getting only more comfortable with me than ever... Really really lightened some loads off the heart... and one of the more concerning matters was that I finally conveyed my feelings for her placing that photo on her bedhead to her... I know she will think abt it.. bring considerate abt how I'll feel and all.. but I juz find it hard to convince her that it's really okay.. cos I strongly feel that what the other party feels and wanna do.. is nv in control by another... If one day she feels that its time to change.. then she'll change.. its nv up to me to command and control.. I learnt that the hard way.. I nv wanna repeat that again.
God.. I'm so in love again.
She's special... cos..
She's sam.
She's aggressive (In Many ways.. *wink*)... heee...
She's rebellious... fun.. notti.. Limit-Knowing.
She has complimentary(to my BIG chest) big boobs? *LOL.. JUZ KIDDING*=p
She's a sports extremist.. LOL.. or rather.. SWIM-siao. - Finally got someone to pei he the sports siao me.
She's the first and only one whom when I hold hands with.. My sweaty palms doesn't relapse.
She's also the first love for me whom I can behave like MYSELF totally.. crazily.. whackily.. MADLY.. and EVERYTHING-GUOQING-LY naturally..
She's every inch into me now.
and I love her bites. hee hee hee...
I shall leave the rest to next time. hehehee... gotta go back to work~
hmmiez.. apart from her... I'm...
Waiting for mummy's rest day to bring her to the massage/die da/tui na shop... hope she'll enjoy it~ lol.. should be quite painful tho.. =p but nvm.. good food is juz beside!
Waiting for next pay to get a new fone.. btw.. I'm using VS2 now.. Pink! bwahaha.. Hottie~
Waiting for afternoon to come so I can gym and nite to come so I can swim.
Waiting for tomolo to come so I can swim and dance.
Waiting for friday to come so I can go back to where I Belong. My Playground. I miss it SO SO MUCH.
Uncle.. Jason.. ZM.. ZQ.. Kny.. I'LL BE BACK IN A MONTH'S TIME.... AND ONLY STRONGER, FASTER AND SHARPER... THAN EVER.
That I promise myself and God-o-Basketball.
Checkout~
Ray.
9:15 AM
Me.. and My Girl.. Finally =)
Pretty sweet? Yes? =) (=
Why my face so White... ? *PouTs*... Stupid Mask it muz be..
My dear suddenly look so small size... *heeheee..*
Yeah.. thats all for now.. stay tune for more.. =D.
Checkout~
Ray.
1:35 PM
Eve of Christmas Eve 23rd december 2005... Treated Samsam to "A Jazzy Christmas" concert at the esplanade.. It was a pretty pretty good performance even though samsam ended up sneezing lyk the trumpet played on the stage...=D cos y? haha.. oki oki.. its Cos I accidentally irritated samsam's nose.. =p tot it was cold so I wanna rub it to keep it warm ma.. never knew it was so sensitive that in a minute's time.. she was sneezing and her nose is literally "sprinting" on the loose! hahaHA.... i'm so bad.. but.. wadeva~ haha..
oki oki.. luckily the sneezing only starts after the second half of the performance starts for a while.. I was pretty worried nv the less la... almost made her angwee.. sobx.. anyway.. the performance reached its climax with a female guest singer who possess a powDERful voice~.. hee.. it was a really heart-touching concert in fact.. cos of the fact that they actually tried to even do charity on the show for the ppl in New Orleans~.. Praise the Lord for such kind men and ladies to be here! Well.. the concert ends shortly after the female singer finished 2 songs... Kinda sadx la.. but really enjoyed it except for samsam's sneezing that was pretty worrying for awhile...
hee...
after the show ends.. we took a stroll along the outside of Esplanade and also the park ard Marina Sq... then we finally ended up in Carl's Jr and we had Lo-Carb Chickie Burger~... after that.. we had dessert at the store beside~ :Pp
(due to request.. i have to cut short of details... *looks at samsam... innocently...*)...
=p
so.. then we went home! hee..
yup.. she's here bside me... ekeke.. side track again...come back..
Exchanged presents.. guess wat.. we bought each other a top that we both wanted from New Urban Male! haha.. from same shop somemore... =p and best thing is? We din't plan it! hahaha... then she also gave me a red heartshape lollipop and a ORANGE AND YELLOW NALGENE BOTTLE!!!! so sweet and cool...=p then I gave her the letter and li'l parchment I designed.. then..
I finally proposed to her.. with the rings.. hehee...
I shall leave this part of details.. to Dang Shi Ren.....
heheee...
Come Come.. Deardear~~ =)
..........................1.....2.......3...................
hmmm.. was very shocked tt qing bought us a pair of rings.. suddenly everyting like happen so fast.. totally din even tink of it..! well i did kinda expect he wld propose today but not with rings!! ha.. he gave mi a 3 pages long letter plus a parchment of commitment? was very sweet.. and i'm so touched tt tears rolled down my eyes.. i'm very sure its tears of happiness.. i was NEVER treated dis way b4..
anyway.. tt heart-shaped lollipop tt i bought for him.. i actually bought it in Shanghai(nov '05). right at tt time b4 i bought e lollipop.. i alr thought who i wld give it to cos i cant possibly consume it myself.. so i kept e lollipop with me, unopened for abt a mth.. until i feel its appropriate to give it to guoqing today.. and yup true enuff.. i gave it to him while he was waiting for my reply on 24 dec 05, 1am.. because i finally understood e lollipop represents my heart& uncertainty over my liking for him over the past month..
so today, i'm finally ready to give it to him..
hee...
pass baton back to me~~~
Yup.. Here we are... =D Deardear Samsam and I... Proudly present to you.. the Story of the Q & Y Love Ltd~.. hee...
Checkout~
Ray. (and Sam)...
3:36 AM
Incident: Suspecting KH's frens for stealing our stuffs. Investigation starts from BY.
Reason:
1) His hands are the only pairs which are long enuff to open up our door without using anything. Compared to other frens of my bro.. none of his frens are tall or "long" enuff to do that...
2) I once saw him breaking into my home using a slippers.. when I caught him.. he threw the slippers away and ran away.
3) He has bad connections with his frens. i.e my bro's frens. All of which are planning to jue jiao with him.
4) Jealousy for my bro. Gals.. PY?.. All the attentions from them that my bro are getting. BY's not getting anything I suppose.
4.1) He was Extremely unhappy when my bro won him in math in one of the previous math tests/exams. Fought back continuously verbally to maintain his "win". Increased percentage of possible jealousy.
5) When my bro and Andy went over to talk to him when incident happened. His hands Shiver badly as my bro talked to him and he kept typing wrong words. Y fear if nothing's done wrongly?
6) Why complain to mum and ask his mum to back him up when he has done nothing wrong? is 14 years old too young to stand up for himself?
Msged him and ask him if he entered into our house and take stuffs. He said no. Told him I already searched andy's home (with andy's permission) and will carry on to do so if he still insist he's clear conscience. Of course.. if one's clear conscience.. why scared? told him I am not fingerpointing at him that he is the one who stole. I am suspecting and telling the others too. Which I really did. Then he says he really got nothing to say already.. until police come to his home to dust for prints.. check for items stolen.. he got nothing to say.. Is he daring me? Com'on.. you tink its cheap to dust for prints? Anyway.. I told him he can consider til wed before I really take action. I will lodge report on wed. I will. If he is unhappy.. he can talk to his mum.. I will liek to talk to his mum. (Wrong step).
Then its when I found out I did wrongly. I did not consider how adults will face each other.. I only thought its gonna be settled between us, the sons. The stupid bastard then told his mum and his mum called me and threatened to call the police. DUH. Screaming and shouting over the fone like a mad dog.. asking why suspect his son? I mean com'on.. its not like your son's the onli one I suspect.. I suspect hell lotsa pple.. what's so special abt ur son? Even Andy can think.. a small guy.. probably cos BY's brain is too small for his body.. that's why he's so useless. Or rather.. high-performing with a nagging and overprotective mum (i.e. biTch) and have an EQ of Zero.. highly possible that its negative.. or gettting there.
That aside.. Woke mum up so she won't be shocked if police come.. she then called BY's mum.. and SHE APOLOGISED! UMPTEEN TIMES! God.. Why muz she do so?! sigh.. I really don't understand... why muz she be SO humble until she can't raise her head and look at the others like the others who looked down on her do? Have I not done enuff to make her proud of and have more confidence of her family? Why? Its not onli being humble.. its already overboard! I can't stand it!
Then she taught mi abt how BY's mum can be protective.. she practically call the police everytime her son gets into trouble and quarrel her way thru! WTF? Call police big deal? I'd like a search to be made in his home. If nothing's found.. dun even care to apologize and juz walk away. And we'll see how they can get it over and done with. I wanna see her jump. grin.
How evil.
God.. well.. seriously..
I gave bro a preach again.. telling him why I need him to uphold our Koh family's image.
How I think abt him now.. that he's able to tink for himself already.. that I have so much trust for him. That I wanted to motivate him thru the PS2 and hope that he won';t take it for granted. I also told him Why I stopped preaching him or even keep on praising him even tho he did so well for the previous exam. Its because I don't want to give him pressure.. and neither did I wanna let him De Yi Wang Xing.. but I am telling about how important it is for his effort to surface.. so that mum won't be looked down upon again.
Whatever it is.. I hope he can win BY in practically every subject.. I mean if its me.. I will do so. EVEN IF IT MEANS GOING TO ANY EXTEND.
anyway.. Din't force on that.. Cos I noe its tiring to chase after someone.. and it'll forever be chasing.. and will nv overtake. So I told him to surpass himself..
Last but not least.. taught him a quote from myself:
Performance counts.. but Attitude Counts More.
You can have the performance thru anyway you do... but if you're a slacker.. you're always a slacker...
however.. if you put in your 101% of effort in everything you do.. ppl will noe.. ppl will see.. and MORE THAN IMPORTANTLY.. YOURSELF WILL SEE... that you are a person with the RIGHT attitude. Even if performance sux.. you can pat ur own shoulder and say "I did my best already.. try harder next time".. How to try is then another thing to consider.
Yeah. thats abt all.. Of course I left out the Bitch's bitching and saying how wrong I am to suspect her son.. how wrong my mum is.. how my mum duno how to teach mi.. how come i 20++ years old liao still dunno how to tink.
HELLO.. who's the one with the walnut brain? I think their IQ's probably 130 in some way... but EQ's -140?
Lastly..
I really admire my mum and dad..
They're such great persons.. humble.
Thank God.. for your blessings.. Thank you so much.... I pray that you'll let the right things be done and help me and my bro learn from this. I also pray that you'll bless samsam with good sleep.. I pray last but not least for my mum and dad's safety.. fitness and health.. and happiness.. I pray also for this matter to rest and not stir up to the police force if it's gonna cause any turbulence in my family.. Lastly.. I pray for the arrogant(Got money, gou yan kan ren di de bitch and her husband) and over-protective (over their one and onli son ) parents to be "blessed" with a "good" son next time when he grow up as frens of none.
The Lords out there who hear me, evil and good and neutral. Answer my Prayer Please. Thats that.
Checkout~
Ray.
2:42 AM
heh.. bought the chocolate she'd choose..
saying the same things for a few times in a day...
bought the dessert for her.. and the dessert is wat she actually wanted to buy.. best of all.. without her even telling me that she wanted dessert!
haha...
how cool..
scary?
no.. not scary at all..
sweet.
Gazed at stars tonite.. so nice..
is it the nite.. or the person beside?
Probably its cos its the pool side..
watever.. i only noe its love at pretty much few sights..
hahaha..
bullshitting i am at my comp side..
maybe bullshitting truth and putting naked lies aside..
why are we still frens?
why..
hmm..
should i be sad?
no.
cos i am happy. =D
I love the chemisty. hehehe.. even tho I still like Bio. LOL... only she noes :P
Checkout~
Ray.
11:23 PM
Starring..
A boy name QQ...
...and...
A gal name YY...
On a beautiful saturday.. QQ met YY to wait for YY's work to end.. then probably swim and get rdy to go for their dance lesson.. however.. a brief pouring rain stopped them from swimming.. not even a dip in the pool... QQ and YY were devastated... however.. they did not noe wat lies before them until it happened....
QQ gave YY a peck on her face.. then QQ looked foolishly and deeply into YY's eyes.. then QQ kissed YY deeply.. passionately... probably one of the best kisses one could ever give and receive..
Soon... some magical happenings occurred and things got hot... some romance session got place... and it did not last just for a short while... kisses after kisses.. caresses after caresses.. touch after touch..mesmerizing gazes exchanged.. heart to heart their desires proclaimed..from head to toe was appreciation acted out with lovely violence so gentle yet causing sensual pain.. yes.. irony mixture.. smelled in sexy moisture that filled the love chamber...
it was not long.. before they realize they're gonna be late.. and thus.. they left the place for their first dance lesson...
it doesn't matter how much the thrill is.. or how daring they are...
It's the feeling of crave and desire for each other.. between QQ and SS so sensually affectionate.. and passionately lovable.. that brings out the unparred beau of this short li'l story that may seem normal to all but two.
If things ever get more serious.. it'll be raw true love.. nv to be covered.. but any fake faces.. nv to be hidden by any unkept promises.. nv to be forsaken.. like the past of QQ and SS that gave them pain so unbearable.. yet taught them lessons that is so unforgettable..
Let the endding end...
Let the story begin...
Let my wishes for the both of them.. come true...
Checkout~
Ray.
2:33 AM
Are we that similar?
Things happened seemed even more scary than the previous r/s i had..
I could almost guess wat she think all the time i need to...
So could she... couldn't hide anything from her.. lol..
its damn fun...
oh Lord I've sinned..
But I love it! =p
but still..
think.. I'm finally in love again~ LOL...
I woke up.. thinkin of her..
I can't sleep.. cos I was thinkin of her..
Fcuk man..
Actually I didn't sleep at all... was waiting for her sms for 1 hr.. then i started to rest on bed...
dang.. my eyes are closed but so are dreamland's gateway and sleepy-way's door.
Next moment I knew.. its 7.45 with my dad screaming at the top of his fcuking irritating(No, Actually, I appreciate it alot.. Really.) voice trying to wake the awaken me.
How contradictingly ironic. wadever..
Then.. came her msg that she woke up.. with a familiar feeling.. then she realise she is missing me too...
sweet?
nah..
Lovely.
Checkout~
Ray.
9:59 AM
so many things to worry abt...
juz glad i'm blessed in so many ways even til now..
thankful to God.. ultimately.. u're the one who planned my life..
thank you for even starting my journal of life.
well.. as a matter of fact.. its been so long since i've been worrying... bombarded with matters after matters.. crisis after crisis.. love and hate.. hurt that cause beyond spiritual devastation and emotional extermination in some aspects.. needless to say.. physical invasion of cuts and bruises are juz superficial wounds that made up bits and pieces of the torturing jigsaw of my life...
still. I Must be glad.. that love somehow can juz find its way thru.. maybe its You who has been showering me.. Maybe its Me who found the way to it.. Watever it is.. I'm still thankful for all that had happened.. to whoever it may concern. Note the above is attentioned to whoever it may concern.
Thanx samsam for hearing me out.. for all the joy and laughter u've brought to my life.. its exquisite and more than unique in its own beautiful way.
i'm mesmerized.
Thanx samsam too.. for its u who helped brought the real me out of myself.. the me whom i've been hiding.. from every single person that I had met in my life.. including those whom i've previously claimed to be my most-loved-ones... I did not lie at that time. No.. this ain't an egoistic/prideful defending statement... the fact is that I juz wasn't confident enough to expose wat I did not exposed in the past and wat I am now in this Gift of Present... It was hidden.. even from myself... Nevertheless.. I felt foolishly sorry..
Somehow.. I believe we can make it..
Leoistic extremists is juz one factor.. many are at our heart and soul.
Slowly, these determinators are unfolding themselves..
As you can vaguely see some so very clearly..
So contradicting yet sensible..
So Ironic yet compatible..
Probably new..
Probably special and untouchable..
hopefully.. unbreakable..
even in the near future..
I believe.. it will happen.
Do You? =)
Person I'm tinking of rite now.. at this 2.49am point of time:
"My D to be."....
Misses you greatly... but r u thinking of me?
Checkout~
Ray.
2:37 AM
Steps so innocence..
with a love so feverance..
ain't no lust nor passion..
juz love as pure as dove..
amazing..
mesmerizing..
dream-fortifying..
sweet.
she look so lovely when she's deeply asleep... =)
was that a mistake? was that on purpose?
or did she mean anything.. deeper.. ?
i dunno man... i really dunno...
i dun dare to ask.
Checkout~
Ray.
4:44 PM
yes.. slowly.. but yes...
nothing like this happen before..
7 times of remorse..
not very li'l.. neither much more..
givin my whole as I fall..
again.. unconditionally..
no more hurtin..
changing meself.. internally..
nv wantin it to be a baddie r/s..
a commitment it'll be..
committed is wat i'll be..
am i ready?
wat a question to me...
physically, mentally, emotionally.. spiritually?
since when did I lack any?
grin..
~~~~
something that flashed thru..
can love and lust co-exist?
yes. but the piece of lust shall be purely passionate drive of desire that is filled with feelings to give for that lusted person in heart.
agree? no. maybe.
to me.. its a yes.. just like now already..
i believe.
Checkout~
Ray.
6:05 AM
me....
stoned....
unplanned....
happened....
love....
real....
Real.
Checkout~
Ray.
11:31 PM
I used to train 7 days a week...
I used to play like no one else can stop me unless you foul me..
I used to play like the biggest small man on court..
I used to be one of the biggest threat on the court..
I used to be one of the best teammate and worst opponent one can have..
but now..
can I still do it?
1.65.. dunking? still possible ma? I am juz 15 cm away... just needa jump a li'l higher.. and I'll jam it!...
but why.. why does injuries always occur at these kinda peak times?
Sigh...
Will I still be able to play like previously..
or even better that?
I really..
Don't Know....
Yeah.. I am sad..
yes I am..
A smile I'm wearing..
No one noes its meaning..
I need no pity..
I need no sympathy..
I just want a brand new pair of knees....
Dear Santa.. Will you give them to me?....
Upon a falling star I wish..
For this dream that may nv be..
Will there be a new beginning. ?
Only the future'll noe the history..
fate and destiny..
stop playing with me..
tell me..
the true story....
please.
Check out~
Ray.
11:39 AM
Sigh... Why? 2 weeks of rest?
Are you crazy? Are you out of your mind?
Why can't I juz do light jogging?
You wan me to be a couch potato for TWO FUCKING WEEKS?!
You're joking.. aren't you? tell me YOU ARE!!!!
I wan to play ball.. I wan to train... I wan to run.......... ='(
I don't wan to be a burden for anyone..
I don't wan to feel like a worry for ANYONE!!!!
SIGH.
AM I THAT USELESS?!
.....
Checkout~
Ray.
5:23 PM
Guess wat... heh.. First.. let mi paste today's frenster-diac forecast... and u see for urself how applicable or true it can be... hehee...
----
When you have a strong sense of what you want, no one can push you off track.
~~
The cosmic flow of energy's been a wee bit off lately, which has had you feel like, while you're doing your leonine best, the universe just isn't cooperating. Well, get ready to roar, because now things begin to go much more in the direction you've been hoping for. Get ready to be proactive -- at work, in love, even with little projects -- because you can get great results. Oh, and let the good times roll!
----
The Happeninz~
Slept last nite at 1.30am... couldn't sleep.. dunno for wat fuck reason... anyway.. before that i played quite shagging bball... and i was super tired from over-sleeping i think.. headache and all.. then with that 3 hours of sleep.. (yah.. i wake at 4.30... courtesy of samsam..).. i went to meet del for the 42.195km run... took at cab to find del.. no problem so far.. until we tried to look for the baggage deposit area.. walked wrong path twice.. haha... then we saw eugene tan, lil, rahman...n azhar! haha.. with some little stretching.. we braved the 42.195km OTOT race...
started together.. but del and i decided to slow down... and so we did.. haha.. then at 9th click onwards... del experienced shin-splint... all because of the new balance shoe... then we walk jog walk jog.. look for deep heat cream... haha.. promised to stick with him thru out.. and so i did.. but still.. at the 15th click or so.. del finally persuaded mi to go ahead.. i saw him like if i perservere on with my promise.. he oso feel bad.. but still.. i'm sorry dude.. dint keep to my promise... haha.. anyway..thx to del.. my race is a 43km run instead of 42.195.. haha.. sprinted some distance to get deep heat cream from the st john pple.. held the cream on my hand and sprint back to del.. haha.. really appreciate the effort that he put in to continue for another 5 km +++.. really respect for that.. cos i noe how painful the shin could be.. you did your best le!
as for mi.. i carried on running... quite difficult.. stressed mentally.. cos no more white bids (full mara runner..) beside liao.. when i chase up to the almost last person of the full mara runners.. it was at the splitting route between half mara and full mara.. quite paiseh ... haha.. cos i last person at that time.. then i catch up all the way til the middle.. lol.. super shagged out liao when i hit 21st km... then i stop n walk.. then jog walk for abt 9 km... then fast walk all the way til the last 3 click.. wah sey.. i nv experience such grueling run before.. my lungs and heart dint give way at all thru out.. but my core and thigh and hamstring.. and my knees did.. pretty early.. abt 15 click to go tat time.. so it was really mind over matter already.. ate 2 bananas.. drank LOTSA water and Hundred plus.. nv take so much water before.. usually i run.. i dun drink de... but yah.. its totally difft today... at the last 3 click.. when i hit 39km... i tot of SI Clara.. haha.. the 3 km that i took 1hr to finish.. yah.. this time.. it really happen.. but not according to another's pace.. its my own.. the pain are soooo jialat.. at the tendons and ligament.. i was limping already... then.. slowly.. i hit 40th.. 41st.. and then i jog all the way til 42.. and sprinted back.. was amazed at myself how i still can manage to sprint... saw steven on the way.. my sec sch mate.. haha.. high fived him and sprinted faster.. went thru the finishing line with lotsa cheers from everybody.. of course its for everybody too.. but tears almost shedded when i cross that line.. lol.. it was quite an achievement with no breakfast.. 3 hrs of sleep.. No training at all.. and its all by myself after the first 1/3 of the race...
i am just SO proud of myself.. seriously.. i dun tink its not being egoistic anymore.. at least not abt this..
at the last part of the race.. the last three clicks..it really took ALOT of courage and discipline to not stop.. and carry on forward.. cos every single step hurts.. like hell.. with blisters.. tiredness.. weather.. plus my injuries all probing.. all the chairs along the road side seem to be so tempting for mi to stop by and juz sit down.. but no. i pushed on.. as i scold myself for feeling so useless...
heh.. as usual.
anyway.. this is the toughest next to the 4 days 3 nites of 150km canoeing at OBS.. next yr..i'll join the 21 click one.. lol.. then i can get all the medals!! bleah...so fun... hope my knee can recover fully that is...
yah.. then.. i went home by myself.. took mrt from cityhall.. (it was damn hard to walk there oso...).. haha.. then i took mrt til outram park.. and took cab home.. haha.. my legs juz couldn't stand it anymore.. and sweet nice samsam got food for mi... then slack at home watch chicken little.. chinese version.. lol.. super funny.. super cute!! i love the little alien... hahaha.. first time hear samsam laugh til so happy oso... alot of hehehehee.. :Pp oki oki.. shan't probe further.. :Pp
was really nice la.. until that someone who caused utter unhappiness in my life called from aus. acting as frenly as tho nothing has happened before.. but no. whatever happened has happened.. and i can't forget. neither can i forgive. i noe i was in the wrong too for love/hate r/s was nv one sided.. bt u're mature enuff to noe. still.. i really hate the act frenly her.. felt really dumb.. for everything i did.. everything i sacrificed and exchanged for nothing but unhappiness i'll remember for life.
i dun really noe why i dislike her so much now.. probably she resembles her mum so much.. and i hate her mum. yes. i do. all the lies abt mi insulting her and her mum. fuck my asshole and i'll shit you in your face dude..
fuck it.
she juz isn't the type for mi. i dunno abt mi for her. but no. wats gone is gone. i shan't touch anymore. dun wanna feel like a fool.. ever again.
well.. after that.. sang abit.. looked thru past photos.. talked.. ate at yong tau hu.. sent sam to MRT station.. limped back with mac for bro. Thats all.
thx sam.. for all the gifts.. really paiseh.. but love them too.
=)
nitex all.
one word to describe the race.
Gruesome.
Checkout~
Ray.
10:45 PM
Click here to view your entire conversation history with this contact
samsam [in disguise..] said:
ya its realli nt nice wad
samsam [in disguise..] said:
my blog is like dunno wad oso ha..
i said:
heh.. but i nv discriminate heart matters whether its nice or not...
samsam [in disguise..] said:
ya ok..
i said:
heh
samsam [in disguise..] said:
argh im forever d/ciing
i said:
i tink i kinda can understand..
samsam [in disguise..] said:
y?
i said:
i mean ur feelinmg
samsam [in disguise..] says:
oic
samsam [in disguise..] says:
nah u dun haf2
samsam [in disguise..] says:
my last acclaimation quite mean huh..
samsam [in disguise..] says:
jus dun wan him2 come lookin 4 mi n askin me2delete my blog entry et
i says:
well...
i says:
maybe ..
i says:
the feeling that u can't let go
i says:
ain't ur love for him..
i says:
listen first oki.. before u comment..
i says:
i feel that it is probably cos u felt unfairly treated..
i says:
the fact that u can live ur life happily now without him.. despite the fact that having someone to adore and care for u is
one of the reason that help u get away or over..
i says:
is already showing that u've gotten over ur feelings for him..
i says:
or u're doing pretty more than fine getting over him..
i says:
but u seem very zai yi abt ur last few part of the r/s..
i says:
when u were the onegiving..
i says:
and giving.. and giving...
i says:
wats worst aint that u didn't receive anything..
i says:
but its that the recipent side isn't even receiving or is simply ignoring..
i says:
no matter how us, people in general.. how devoted or passionate we are.. how much a crazy foolish lover we can be... as long
as we give.. there is probably isn't such thing as unconditional giving/loving..
i says:
once we give.. or fu chu... there'll definitely be expectations..
i says:
its onli up to one in how to handle the expectations..
i says:
true?
i says:
for mi.. but i dunno if its for u too..
samsam [in disguise..] says:
yup
i says:
i used to feel that. that unfairly treated feeling esp. when i gave in my all
i says:
i risked my life SEVEN TIMES.. for shirley..
i says:
but none was appreciated.. even tho she said she did.
samsam [in disguise..] says:
wo jue de wo hai hui chi cu..
samsam [in disguise..] says:
if hes stil single nw, mayb it aint tt bad
i says:
well.. ask urself.. is it because u feel that something that once belongs to u.. now belongs to another.. thats y u're not
happy
i says:
or are u jealous that he is with another gal?
i says:
its different ..
i says:
can u see the difference?
samsam [in disguise..] says:
but i cant accept e fact tt shes better den me in everyway. frm character-looks-studies-e love btw them-their connection w
each other & their families etc
samsam [in disguise..] says:
yes im more jealous w e 1st pt
samsam [in disguise..] says:
i feel tt shes providing him more den wad i provided him. best part is he appreciates it
samsam [in disguise..] says:
so i feel v........... i dunno h2sae
i says:
yah....
samsam [in disguise..] says:
but i dun tink she loves him as much as i did.. yet
i says:
it makes u feel that very bu shuang feeling.. that why u lost to someone.. who's a third party.. and in every single way
soemmore.. and u even lose that someone who once rightfully belongs to u.
samsam [in disguise..] says:
quite dumb tihnkin rite
i says:
no. its not dumb..
samsam [in disguise..] says:
yupyup
i says:
if i say yes.. then i'd be scolding myself and many others in the world where true love excist.
i says:
exist i mean
i says:
u should noe.. that pple like us bu xi huan shu
samsam [in disguise..] says:
ha
i says:
even to the tiniest bits..
i says:
such as li'l bickerings between u and ur bro or sis.
i says:
u oso bu xi huan
samsam [in disguise..] says:
ya lor
i says:
of course when big things liek that happen
i says:
ur feelings worsen la
i says:
but then again
i says:
ask urself..
i says:
y dun u try and focus urself on ur own life..
i says:
ur own love life...
samsam [in disguise..] says:
gd tt i can communicate my feelings w u.. ha..
i says: :)
i says:
wat i'll say next.. aint promoting myself. so yah.
i says:
if u keep on focusing on his life
i says:
with the gal
i says:
in how she won u
samsam [in disguise..] says:
i dun feel lyk advancin in2smthg new yet
i says:
u wont even improve urself
i says:
u won't even wan to move on to ANYTHING..
i says:
not to say new love or watsoever
samsam [in disguise..] says:
its unfair2compare act
i says:
well.. i did not compare. was juz mentioning how u felt.
samsam [in disguise..] says:
no i can move on in other aspects of life
samsam [in disguise..] says:
love life wise.. nah..
samsam [in disguise..] says:
i mean me against her
i says:
yah.. its logical to think tat its unfair to compare.
i says:
but ur feelings already proven ur logic wrong..
i says:
and ur actions of ur heart is already doing so.
samsam [in disguise..] says:
ya la
samsam [in disguise..] says:
tts y sumtimes i will haf tt kinda dui bu qi ni de gan jue
i says:
well.. wat i was trying to say wasn't asking u to get into new love life.
i says:
i mean..
i says:
the main thing to do now.
i says:
is to stop focusing on them...
i says:
get on ur life without them ... even simple things like reading their blogs when u're free or bored.
i says:
it sounds easy.. it sounds so trivial that it may seem needless to be done.
i says:
it'll be even more so.. with our state of confidence..
samsam [in disguise..] says:
i kaypoh ma
i says:
but such li'l actions adds up to ur unhappy feelings..
samsam [in disguise..] says:
i wanna noe wads goin on btw them
i says:
and when i say stop focusing on them... i really mean juz one matter... "stop focusing on their life.."
i says:
when u can really do that..
i says:
u'll be living a life of ur own..
samsam [in disguise..] says:
so tt if anything bad happens2them, wo ke yi xing zai le huo de qu console him
samsam [in disguise..] says:
LOL tts cunnng
i says:
but for wat?
samsam [in disguise..] says:
ya i noe..
i says:
sorry sam if u feel like i'm harsh
samsam [in disguise..] says:
no its ok
i says:
but see u like that.. i oso kan bu xia qu..
i says:
ur logical mind should already been telling u that getting over them is better than being to noe wat is happening to them
i says:
let mi ask u.. if u happily get on with ur life.. dun bother abt them.. soon.. he'll stop bothering u oso.. then u live ur
life happily.. and he lives his.. if he's good with her.. its good with her.. u dun lose anything cos u won't even feel bad
or sad since u can already let it go.. if he's not good with her.. then he saw u like that.. he'll be sad too
i says:
then another thing..
i says:
i ask u..
i says:
after u xing zai le huo de qu console them liao
i says:
will u feel even near good?
i says:
at most rang ni shuang yi xia
i says:
but do u tink u'll feel like u achieved something?
i says:
weigh the consequences of ur doings.. its fated and yes there is destiny.. but fate is fair. he gives us choices.
samsam [in disguise..] says:
its more lyk revenge
i says:
if u choose to pull out now.. not onli u. ur frens will feel happy for u too. if u dun.. then u continue revenge here revenge
there.. and somehow they got on blissfully together.. xin tong de.. bu hui shi ni yi ge
i says:
yes i understand..
i says:
but even revenge wise.. after u revenge in that consoling way liao
i says:
do u tink u'll feel damn good abt it?
i says:
and do u tink u'll be able to get on with life with it?
samsam [in disguise..] says:
argh i dunno. cant process so many of yr qns nw
i says:
i'm sure u're proud of ur life.. u're proud of the way u live... but do u tink after ur revenge is done. u'll still be able
to tink so?
i says:
its okay..
i says:
i'll stop now..
i says:
for lunch is calling..
i says:
i'll paste this conversation in my blog..
i says:
du yi du when u're free and leng jing xia lai ba
i says:
anything.. juz give mi a call.. how busy i will also answer..
samsam [in disguise..] says:
kk
i says:
*hugx*.. dun worry to show ur emotional side.. u've shown it once.. to mi.. i'm looking for more. =) eat ur lunch too yah.
samsam [in disguise..] says:
nw my sec sch fren suddenly qns me abt ed.. ask wad happen2him..y he liddat.. he doesnt look lyk 1 who will do such ting
i says:
oh well..
i says:
juz say pple do change la..
2:03 PM
About The
GQ's Profile:
ID:
GQ/QinG/KK/Rukawa
Day of Generation:
09 AugusT 1984
ZodIaRk ~ LeO
Inner BeasT ~ Mice
Loves:
- Samsam/Samantha
- Basketball *Passion*
- Swimming
- Running
- BlooD *Craving*
- Sensual Pain~
- Kitties and Puppies *Cuddle*
- My brothers and sisters
- My Real family and my brother
- StrawBerriEs
- Hugx and Caresses
- Nibbles and Kisses
- Orgasms
- Well defined Muscles
- Flat Abs
- 34D =)
- Programming (Not a Geek either)
- Beach
- Getting Sun-Kissed
- Pple who dares to be themselves and not hide
- bitches sometimes :)
- Loves and Romance..
- To lend a helping hand/listenin ear at ALL times =)
- Betrayers
- Backstabbers
- Liars
- HypocRytes
- Pple who breaks promises
- Arrogant pple
- Pple who act holy
- Bastards
- Bittergourd
- NS
- Lazy pple/Pple w No Urgency
*Mei*~~Rong~~
GwenGwen
JiaYuan
*Mei*~~Rachel~~
Yu
Dael
Mike
Lester
Kenny
Desire~List
- DEARIE'S HUGX AND KISSES
- New Phone.. 6230I
- Nike Bag.. 82.95
- Abs.
- Bigger Biceps and Triceps.
- Better Complexion
- Better Health...
- Black Jeans
- Orange Shirt
- Grey Pants
- Black Leather Belt
MSN/Friendster: rukawa_koh@hotmail.com
Email: rukawa_gq@yahoo.com / rukawa.gq@gmail.com
"In~LoVeS'~"
SY's Profile:
Samantha Yeo Su Yun
18 years old
Singapore Poly
Lifeguard, Financial Trade
Sports, swimming esp!, life-saving, shopping, taking pictures
Wishlist:
i'm so happy with dear now that i cant wish for more!!=)
Links:
Link
Chitty~Chitty~Chat~Chat