Heh.. it has been a great 5 months and 5 days so far.. between the leoistic us..
I reminisce the day when I proposed to her with the rings.. Seriously, I was really sincere and I was naive enuff to not tink abt failures.. some pple like to say I'm confident.. but.. not really, not at that instant when I decided to buy and bought the rings for her.
Road have been smooth and patchy and even rocky sometimes.. Yes, they're normal and I noe that they're normal.. I believe dearie noe too.. even tho I just got to find out that dearie nv reveal many of her bad points even to Ed previously.. I believe dearie's sensible enuff to tink and understand situations that happen.. and when u can do that.. its onli a matter of accepting what had happened and go on with life in the best way that you can from there. Its hard, of course.. Always easier said than done.
As the days go by, we got to know each other more.. and I'm more than glad to say that we're already on our road to a stable rs.. rough patches started arising abt a month ago when we knew each other so much better than compared to Day 1.. we saw many points for each other to change for a better person.. and when we fell while making those changes.. noticing that we took each other for granted in some ways.. we are always there to support each other. How great can a couple get than to be there for each other as and when they Can do it? I feel strongly that that is a great achievement so far for the both of us as a new couple. CheeRs to that!
I always believed that in a relationship.. there's more than MANY to compromise..advised kindly by one of my greatest colleague in my office. Its up to individual whether they want to do it.. and if they do, how they want to do it.. Some many couples did change.. but they did them blindly for the sake of the relationship or rather.. their want and need for each other in the rs. They don't see the point that the purpose of making the changes is for the person to become a better living person.. and by doing so.. the other party will respect and admire and love him or her more because he is a good person. In the first place, why you fell in love with the person have to be sparked off by the fact that you find him a nice person to be with or somewhere ard there. It is a thin line separating between changing for yourself and changing for the rs. However, I believe recognising it is more than needy.
When one change for the rs.. you'll find it tiring as time goes by.. because the rs is not you ultimately.. that applies to before marriage because I do not noe how after-marriage is like. When you make changes for yourself so you can improve to be a better person.. you will be more motivated because in the end.. its you who benefit the most.. because whilst becoming a better person.. you'll also be more respected and admired for by your partner.. thus nurturing the love and infatuation in each other.It sounds kinda selfish.. but I think one's growth to be a better person is more important now for youngsters of our age.. esp. the guy.. for the ladies are always more matured and they look far into the future..
It is important to noe what you're changing into and for what.. and not just blindly do it for the other. In the end.. it may not even end up being good because the girl may find you a person with no initiative to find out all those bad points and she muz be the one pointing it all out to you.. (you bet at that point of time.. it'd have been damn lots of things mentioned by her already that has caused her irritation at tat point to mention that the guy is a guy of no sense of initiative for self-improvement.
If one truly love the other.. and he always plan for the future ahead.. I think he should be changing for a better himself.. and the other partner is not wrongto mention abt things that she kan bu shun yan. IT APPLIES TO THE OTHER WAY ALSO. (In cap because the whole article i seem to be aiming at guys. but i'm not.). In a rs.. both should aim for it to be fruitful and besides indulging purely in bliss that usually only last for 3 months if nothing is done to nurture even deeper emotions and passion.. By making the rs fruitful in positive gains for both parties.. it'll definitely spark more interest in the rs for the both of them. =)
Darling.. I'll like to tell you that the above is my thoughts.. not my expectation of you..and pls do not feel obliged to agree.. just comment on it and we'll work things out together, like always. Okie?
I dun enjoy the quarrels with you.. I noe you dun too.. but seriously.. when I think abt it on another view.. on how the outbreak and noticing of each other's bad points will pave the future for us (that is if we both do make it to change for the better thus maintain the admiration and passion and affections for each other la..).. I can't help but feel delighted to have that outbreak that made me realise wat kind of person I am and what I should change so I can be a better man for myself, my family and you.
One good thing abt us.. we dun quarrel because we got moodswing.. when one person have moodswing.. the other's always trying to compromise to ease things down.. you're not the onli one who have moodswings, my dear.. =)
Also.. when we quarrel.. we sort things out properly.. we dun hide it inside too much.
We Listen.
We express ourselves well.
We are Madly in love(Just like other couples) but the best thing is.. We're Conscious! =)
Darling.. you've made me realized I've been quite a demanding person.. and even tho those I demanded are mostly changes for your temper and way of doing things.. I believe I should hush you down when I say things to you.. I'm sorry for being harsh sometimes.. and I'm sorry for not wiping your tears away sometimes.. you noe the reason why.. but still. I feel sorry about it cos it hurts me to see you tear..
You've also made me realized that I'm very stubborn.. and I like to have things my way.. characteristics of Leos.. but still, I'll make an effort to compromise as and when things are compromisable.. oki? Promise cannot take for granted le o.
I'll try my best to appreciate your hushing wheni'm down.. at least I'll acknowledge it and tell you it won't work, nicely. if its not gonna work oki? If cases like tat occurs.. I only need you if you're by my side.. to accompany me quietly.. I'll be getting over it myself.. =)
I will try to be more on abt trying things oki..
Dearie.. all in all, Thank you for making me a better person.. I hope this will continue as the rs mature.. and I believe if it does.. it will continue in a better fashion than now. As this is abt the first rough patch we walk thru.. its definitely hitting us harder than expected.. now that we noe the root problems.. we'll soon make a turn and approach the smooth and soft grassland again.
Trust me.
If you love me, Let me love you.
CheckOut~
Ray.
9:06 AM
happy 5th monthlyversary darling!!
so nice of u to call me to wish me happy 5th month e past midnight and 1st ting in e mrng.. n u wanted to call me @ 1.33am initially becos tts e exact time on 24 december i agreed to be your baby..
*meLts!!*
9:19 AM
i swear NEVER to buy chocolates from poorly ventilated & old neighbourhood provision shops again..!
it so happened earlier today.. before we went for lifesaving training @ yck, we bought some sweets, a milo energy bar & a stick of ferrero mon cheri chocolates from a provision store. this store has been surviving several yrs already.. looks very old n feels very warm inside..
but..
never did we expect..
e moment i opened e milo bar, i saw a maggot & a tini black bug on e chocolate!!
EXTREMELY DISGUSTED!
nvm.. we thought e mon cheri was ok cos the 4 pieces of chocolate were individually wrapped.. 2 pieces passed our inspection so we consumed them..
assuming nothing was wrong, i opened e 3rd piece.. to my horror, i saw a MAGGOT crawling inside..
what the..
yUcksYuCksyUcksYucksyUcksYucks!!!!!!!!!!!!
9:22 PM
It was a really sweet afternoon spent yesterday.. We met up for lunch after my physiotherapy session and we had subway! Expensive but its quite a healthy indulgence once in a while so its alrite. =) Went harbourfront and thats my first time walking ard that huge spacious shopping center..
Haven't been shopping in a while and dearie saw quite afew things she like.. We settled in this ExxE shop that splits into two outlets at the same floor (side by side) cos we both saw sports wear and fashion wear inside! hee.. So cool.. dearie saw this yellow top which had the word holland printed on it.. Had its male version too.. but the first look of it turned mi off cos I dun really like Soccer.. haha.. Still, she insisted for me to try it on.. so.. okie lor.. haha.. mistre.. oops.. i mean ma'am says try.. so i try.. XPp...
Thought she look really great in hers.. and I first thought I looked pretty sucky in mine.. but on second look.. it looked like a basketball jersey used by Safra last yr.. just that this is made of cotton material. haha.. =p Oki lor.. chest bigger liao.. so wear liao not bad la.. I wear XL liao.. and I'm onli 1.65.. duh. (=.=).. Dearie wanna think abt it before buying even tho I was quite insistence abt it cos we can have our first qing lu zhuang.. ahaha.. I noe dearie didn't like it cos she told me it was cheesy.. but hack la.. hahaa..
and So we walked ard.. went to get my glove in the second Exxe shop and then we went to toilet.. and then we went back to the shop again! hee.. and I decided to get her the top la.. since I dunno wat to get for her as a sweet gift anyway.. haven't been sweet to her recently i thought.. yah.. been pretty nasty and all and she tolerated all those! hee.. she deserves some reward! =).. Think she like it la... lets wear it out one day.. next wednesday it should be. =)
Sometimes.. I feel that dearie looks like a big baby.. esp. when she pouts.. showing this cuddly cute face.. haha.. huggin her gives me much peace.. i dunno why.. some pple may tink i que fa mu ai.. but i oso heck la.. i onli noe i am so madly in love with her.. yet sanity still can show its presence when I am so "Mad" already. I believe it all attributes on the fact that I can be my true self when I'm with her.. Without the need to fake anything.. such as liking for some classical music... trying my best to be not vulgar.. trying to be serious when i can't.. can't be crazy when i want.. all those restrictions are long gone since my days got candied by my sweet loving dearie...
I dunno how to cherish her.. enuff.
I dunno how to love her.. enuff.
I dunno how should I treat her.. so that everything's enuff, enuff enuff.
I remember Kim Po ask mi.. "So this shirley girl.. she loves you more or you love her more? how do u feel?".. My reply was "I think the same la.. where got more one.. can't have more one la.." and My THOUGHTS was exactly the same at that time as how I felt.. cos I've nv felt such overwhelming care and heart-warming fuzzy feeling before.. probably cos I gave too much last time. Now I've found it.. I know it.. and I am experiencing it.. and I aint letting go! hee.. I'm so happy.. I should be the happiest man in this whole world if not for my so many other problems in my family that I have to think abt...
I love you, dearie..
I love my mum and dad.
I love my brother.
I love my life. No, not really. but .. +.+.. =)
I love my brothers and sisters who are always there for me when I need them.
and I love God. For I believe without Him.. I won't be blessed with 10ADs + 10A+ + 7Bs + 3Cs and 1D+ despite have 5 subjects to add up to 17 points in 'O' that sucks and 201 in PSLE(Didn't study at all! =p)..! hee.. Kidding la..
I love God for his unconditional love.. I hope that I can be the happy-go-lucky guoqing again like when I was with Gwen cos I won't fa pi qi at all.. but to add on.. I wanna retain all my maturity and ability to think and use cold hard logic to fight my anger.. I wanna improve anger and mood and stress management.. Most importantly.. I hope to love dearie more.. and I hope to love my family more too... I hope I can show it to them too.. cos action speaks louder than words.. and action is more important than how i say down here. =)
May God bless my family and I and my dearie with good health and fitness and love and happiness! Even if its in the simplest form, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you've done for us.
Amen. =)
Checkout~
Ray.
9:36 AM
Seriously.. I duno wat's getting into my head.. I'm getting rather temperamental and my mood goes up and down.. Is there too much worries in my head?
My family, My work, My life, My fitness, My health, My relationship getting sore from the little little quarrelS.
Very bad attitude.. Very petty.. and Very Very not me.
I was so afraid that the reason for failure in my previous rs with shir will occur with this. Dearie was really nice. She hugged me and I teared. She reassured me that she ain't shir and she ain't somebody who let go of her BF for his que dian.
Hao gan dong. I want so much to change for the better. Especially all these stupid mood and pettiness thingy.
I know dearie will stay with me thru out. I only hope I won't hurt her just 1 more than too much.. Huggiex.
I miss and love her.
Stupid fever caught me and I couldn't meet her for the fun training at Changi. Sigh..
Almost punched my wall til it cracked cos was so pissed off at myself disappointing dearie.. sigh.
Thats all for now.
Checkout~
Ray.
12:37 PM
p0or darling..he has been falling real sickly.. from cough to sore throat to headaches to flu. it has really been hard on him.
he is so freaking worried abt his dad's coughing related symtoms. it scary really. practically frustrating. cos his dad kp refusing to visit the docs! (even as i type this entry, i feel so infuriated at e thought of it). sometimes i really don't understand y e older generation ppl r SO stubborn. n i mean SO SO SO EXTREMELY stubborn. they kp saying they r okay when they are not. we young ppl are not kids anymore u noe? we do understand whats going on.
perhaps he fears doc visit.. but still, its better to seek medication early right? *sighs. heard abt jason's mom story just nw. super endurance mom man. incrediblely INSANE. hw can u tahan even a little bit of flash falling off yr skin while exposing your bones? its madness.
nice lunch with you dear. so happy you came to have lunch w me=) even though its only 40mins. bet u felt better releasing those frustration and worries too.
u must b sleeping peacefully now.. hope e medicine will recover u soon. so that u'll feel as fit as a fiddle tonight! yay... *excited*
we've so much to do..
we better plan our shop, gym, swim, bake, movie program soon.
12:41 PM
dear,my love4u gen ben bu wei da..u've done so much4me..my care4u,buying medication4u,goin2yr place is jus a normal show of concern. furthermore, u were sick. i jus did wad i could..
i know i love you alot.. despite several verbal arguments which resolved in less than30mins. i hate our sulky faces.. isn't it gd tt we resolve our disputes as soon as we discover them?
u held me so tight that evening.. ur patting kept me very calm.. e aircon was cold, but lying beside u alwaes feels so warm. it was surprising to know u din fall asleep w me.. u practically only hug me2ensure i slept well. e fact is u were sick then. yet u still held me tight,nt letting me go n nt resting yrself.
that is so sweet.. *mElts*
u mentioned about e future u foresee in us in e prev blog entry, i'm overwhelmed..
practically touched to tears.. i nv knew a guy would fall so much for me and want me so much.. furthermore, we're still so young. yet i hear such words coming from you..
i know that i am SO fortunate.. =)
9:40 AM
Thoughts.. lots of them has surfaced.. problems too.. many has appeared but fortunately.. we're always able to solve them in due time...
One good thing abt the combi of mi and dearie.. is that we're the kinda couple who once got problem.. if dun solve before we end the session.. we won't let it go that kind.. I love it that way and has always been like this since my very first rs.. thats cos i believe if one problem got hidden.. many more will be too. and then as time goes by.. the rs will eventually die if all or almost all of them surface at the same time. I believe that's exactly wat dearie think also.. I tink dearie ain't amazed anymore that I can read her mind.. cos we're just so typical and alike. =p
Somehow.. I feel it very strongly.. that I want to be with dearie til we're really old.. yeah.. tat was how I feel in every rs and I believe everyone will do so unless they're those really practical and pessimistic type. Its an eventual thing.. but I just would like to talk abt how it is going about in my beautifully perverted mind. =D
I'm sick today.. a cough strike so suddenly that I din't even noe I'll be down so jialatly once I wake from the not-so-fulfilling sleep last nite. I thought I could pull thru and go to the LS session tonite.. Just now. but it got really bad.. was coughing and coughing.. even vomited.. and the first thing that came to my mind was that I hope to see dear! Kinda illogical.. but it just somehow worked that way.. I msged her.. with little hope that she'll come.. cos she really wanted to go for the training for her test next week or next next week.. It's gonna be a tough one.. plus she hasn't done her tutorial.. In the end.. she really came! It was very very sweet and touching for her to have helped me bought the medicines! I almost teared when I saw her but no.. I hid it inside myself.. I miss her so much.. I wish I can hug her at once but when she came.. she requested for a bath. haha.. so yah.. she bathed and then we ate dinner with mummy... found out that mummy dun have anymore close frens.. i was sobbing inside already.. i was tinking abt how to help her til now.. but my efforts are in vain. Anyway.. let me continue..
I helped her reformatted the survey form she wanted me to print.. I guess thats the onli way to repay her kindness that I appreciate so much and so grateful for. In the end.. we snuggled up to each other cozily and slept for about a short 30 mins.. it was pure bliss.. She slept well and I gazed at her dreamily thru out.. patted her pi pi as she slp.. I noticed that if I pat her pipi.. she'll sleep more soundly.. breathing deepens and she becomes more relaxed.. with no sudden jerking! hee.. so contented with that li'l short moment.. its really one of those precious moment I'll always cherish even until I grew old !
Well.. when it was time for her to go home.. then I woke her up.. and she unwillingly woke up a li'l but continued clinging on to me.. and so I decided to let her slp for another 5 more mins.. I noe how it feels.. cos I put myself in her most comfortable shoes that she was wearing just now.. =).. when she finally woke up.. I sent her to the bus stop.. and sweetly.. she insisted for me to go home and rest.. she knew that I really wanted to send her home.. but she didn't noe wat was in my thoughts just now..
As I held her hand and walked down the road to the bus stop.. I was imagining ourselves in the most gorgeous and neat suits of our life.. walking down the aisle.. and I could almost felt her tears from the scene of imagination.. rolling down her beautiful blushie cheek as I kiss her and say I do in front of our dads and mums and siblings. I felt so much mixture of feelings.. I dun wan her to go away.. I nv want that to happen.. I want her to always belong to me.. but upon that thought reaching my mind.. many scenes of my previous rs appeared too.. all of them left me in the end.. because of one reason or another.. There was overwhelming sadness in me whilst the blissfulness subsides and I watch dearie left on the bus..
I started tinking abt how I've treated her in these past few days.. I was so harsh to her in so many ways.. so petty because of her li'l bluntness and care for hygiene and I even put her in some difficulty state in deciding for the coaching of some indian guy. I admit I was sick all these while and thus my mood was down.. but I can't help but to blame myself for being so bad to her.. I noe its a once in a while kinda thing and no rs is perfect.. but wat if these happens at those critical times when feelings are fading as time goes by that kinda thing? It'll probably cause a downfall of our rs that no one could save!
Some tells me that being able to tink abt that even before that happen is considered mature already. But so wat even if I could do that? I failed in so many rs despite being a good guy most of the times.. its these emotional turmoils that kills almost all of them. I dunno wats the use of crying now.. it makes my throat hurts more and cough more.. but I feel SO SO SO BAD. ='(.. I wish I could turn back time and controlled a li'l bit more.. I am lucky to have dearie.. who's understanding and loving and everything!.. and I wish and hope and pray that this rs will work out well.. I really wanna grow up more and stabilize my feelings more! so I can be a true man she can rest assured upon. Its not that I'm rushing to settle down.. but my love for her seems to be burning like crazy.. and everything in this rs is wat I had always dreamt of! Even when I was with shirley.. I had to wear a mask all the time.. cos the real me ain't accepted by her or her frens. When I was with gwen.. I was just a mere immature boy. when I was with those earlier.. the more immature I was!
Now that I know wat I want.. truly noe wat I want and I ALREADY HAVE IT! I really hope to not lose this opportunity and blessing in my life..
I want to cherish her with everything I have.. Just like how I wanna love my family..
I dun wan to end up in the previous states where I cried for help to God and Ghostly demons but no one answered to my call to revive my previous loves. I must admit that it was because of my emotional instability that caused the heaviest blow on the previous rs with those that I once loved. I dun wan that to happen again.. and I'm pretty afraid that things may be beautiful now.. turning ugly could be just a split second later.. those three incidents had already shown how it could happen if care wasn't taken of each other's emotions in these short 3 days.
Let those be lessons we can learn from.. and let the above sharing be read among those who care.. esp. dearie.. I hope dearie will share your thoughts with what I said above too...
Once again, I Thank you for your love, dearie..
Checkout~
Ray.
9:30 PM
About The
GQ's Profile:
ID:
GQ/QinG/KK/Rukawa
Day of Generation:
09 AugusT 1984
ZodIaRk ~ LeO
Inner BeasT ~ Mice
Loves:
- Samsam/Samantha
- Basketball *Passion*
- Swimming
- Running
- BlooD *Craving*
- Sensual Pain~
- Kitties and Puppies *Cuddle*
- My brothers and sisters
- My Real family and my brother
- StrawBerriEs
- Hugx and Caresses
- Nibbles and Kisses
- Orgasms
- Well defined Muscles
- Flat Abs
- 34D =)
- Programming (Not a Geek either)
- Beach
- Getting Sun-Kissed
- Pple who dares to be themselves and not hide
- bitches sometimes :)
- Loves and Romance..
- To lend a helping hand/listenin ear at ALL times =)
- Betrayers
- Backstabbers
- Liars
- HypocRytes
- Pple who breaks promises
- Arrogant pple
- Pple who act holy
- Bastards
- Bittergourd
- NS
- Lazy pple/Pple w No Urgency
*Mei*~~Rong~~
GwenGwen
JiaYuan
*Mei*~~Rachel~~
Yu
Dael
Mike
Lester
Kenny
Desire~List
- DEARIE'S HUGX AND KISSES
- New Phone.. 6230I
- Nike Bag.. 82.95
- Abs.
- Bigger Biceps and Triceps.
- Better Complexion
- Better Health...
- Black Jeans
- Orange Shirt
- Grey Pants
- Black Leather Belt
MSN/Friendster: rukawa_koh@hotmail.com
Email: rukawa_gq@yahoo.com / rukawa.gq@gmail.com
"In~LoVeS'~"
SY's Profile:
Samantha Yeo Su Yun
18 years old
Singapore Poly
Lifeguard, Financial Trade
Sports, swimming esp!, life-saving, shopping, taking pictures
Wishlist:
i'm so happy with dear now that i cant wish for more!!=)
Links:
Link
Chitty~Chitty~Chat~Chat