Thoughts.. lots of them has surfaced.. problems too.. many has appeared but fortunately.. we're always able to solve them in due time...
One good thing abt the combi of mi and dearie.. is that we're the kinda couple who once got problem.. if dun solve before we end the session.. we won't let it go that kind.. I love it that way and has always been like this since my very first rs.. thats cos i believe if one problem got hidden.. many more will be too. and then as time goes by.. the rs will eventually die if all or almost all of them surface at the same time. I believe that's exactly wat dearie think also.. I tink dearie ain't amazed anymore that I can read her mind.. cos we're just so typical and alike. =p
Somehow.. I feel it very strongly.. that I want to be with dearie til we're really old.. yeah.. tat was how I feel in every rs and I believe everyone will do so unless they're those really practical and pessimistic type. Its an eventual thing.. but I just would like to talk abt how it is going about in my beautifully perverted mind. =D
I'm sick today.. a cough strike so suddenly that I din't even noe I'll be down so jialatly once I wake from the not-so-fulfilling sleep last nite. I thought I could pull thru and go to the LS session tonite.. Just now. but it got really bad.. was coughing and coughing.. even vomited.. and the first thing that came to my mind was that I hope to see dear! Kinda illogical.. but it just somehow worked that way.. I msged her.. with little hope that she'll come.. cos she really wanted to go for the training for her test next week or next next week.. It's gonna be a tough one.. plus she hasn't done her tutorial.. In the end.. she really came! It was very very sweet and touching for her to have helped me bought the medicines! I almost teared when I saw her but no.. I hid it inside myself.. I miss her so much.. I wish I can hug her at once but when she came.. she requested for a bath. haha.. so yah.. she bathed and then we ate dinner with mummy... found out that mummy dun have anymore close frens.. i was sobbing inside already.. i was tinking abt how to help her til now.. but my efforts are in vain. Anyway.. let me continue..
I helped her reformatted the survey form she wanted me to print.. I guess thats the onli way to repay her kindness that I appreciate so much and so grateful for. In the end.. we snuggled up to each other cozily and slept for about a short 30 mins.. it was pure bliss.. She slept well and I gazed at her dreamily thru out.. patted her pi pi as she slp.. I noticed that if I pat her pipi.. she'll sleep more soundly.. breathing deepens and she becomes more relaxed.. with no sudden jerking! hee.. so contented with that li'l short moment.. its really one of those precious moment I'll always cherish even until I grew old !
Well.. when it was time for her to go home.. then I woke her up.. and she unwillingly woke up a li'l but continued clinging on to me.. and so I decided to let her slp for another 5 more mins.. I noe how it feels.. cos I put myself in her most comfortable shoes that she was wearing just now.. =).. when she finally woke up.. I sent her to the bus stop.. and sweetly.. she insisted for me to go home and rest.. she knew that I really wanted to send her home.. but she didn't noe wat was in my thoughts just now..
As I held her hand and walked down the road to the bus stop.. I was imagining ourselves in the most gorgeous and neat suits of our life.. walking down the aisle.. and I could almost felt her tears from the scene of imagination.. rolling down her beautiful blushie cheek as I kiss her and say I do in front of our dads and mums and siblings. I felt so much mixture of feelings.. I dun wan her to go away.. I nv want that to happen.. I want her to always belong to me.. but upon that thought reaching my mind.. many scenes of my previous rs appeared too.. all of them left me in the end.. because of one reason or another.. There was overwhelming sadness in me whilst the blissfulness subsides and I watch dearie left on the bus..
I started tinking abt how I've treated her in these past few days.. I was so harsh to her in so many ways.. so petty because of her li'l bluntness and care for hygiene and I even put her in some difficulty state in deciding for the coaching of some indian guy. I admit I was sick all these while and thus my mood was down.. but I can't help but to blame myself for being so bad to her.. I noe its a once in a while kinda thing and no rs is perfect.. but wat if these happens at those critical times when feelings are fading as time goes by that kinda thing? It'll probably cause a downfall of our rs that no one could save!
Some tells me that being able to tink abt that even before that happen is considered mature already. But so wat even if I could do that? I failed in so many rs despite being a good guy most of the times.. its these emotional turmoils that kills almost all of them. I dunno wats the use of crying now.. it makes my throat hurts more and cough more.. but I feel SO SO SO BAD. ='(.. I wish I could turn back time and controlled a li'l bit more.. I am lucky to have dearie.. who's understanding and loving and everything!.. and I wish and hope and pray that this rs will work out well.. I really wanna grow up more and stabilize my feelings more! so I can be a true man she can rest assured upon. Its not that I'm rushing to settle down.. but my love for her seems to be burning like crazy.. and everything in this rs is wat I had always dreamt of! Even when I was with shirley.. I had to wear a mask all the time.. cos the real me ain't accepted by her or her frens. When I was with gwen.. I was just a mere immature boy. when I was with those earlier.. the more immature I was!
Now that I know wat I want.. truly noe wat I want and I ALREADY HAVE IT! I really hope to not lose this opportunity and blessing in my life..
I want to cherish her with everything I have.. Just like how I wanna love my family..
I dun wan to end up in the previous states where I cried for help to God and Ghostly demons but no one answered to my call to revive my previous loves. I must admit that it was because of my emotional instability that caused the heaviest blow on the previous rs with those that I once loved. I dun wan that to happen again.. and I'm pretty afraid that things may be beautiful now.. turning ugly could be just a split second later.. those three incidents had already shown how it could happen if care wasn't taken of each other's emotions in these short 3 days.
Let those be lessons we can learn from.. and let the above sharing be read among those who care.. esp. dearie.. I hope dearie will share your thoughts with what I said above too...
Once again, I Thank you for your love, dearie..
Checkout~
Ray.
9:30 PM
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About The
GQ's Profile:
ID:
GQ/QinG/KK/Rukawa
Day of Generation:
09 AugusT 1984
ZodIaRk ~ LeO
Inner BeasT ~ Mice
Loves:
- Samsam/Samantha
- Basketball *Passion*
- Swimming
- Running
- BlooD *Craving*
- Sensual Pain~
- Kitties and Puppies *Cuddle*
- My brothers and sisters
- My Real family and my brother
- StrawBerriEs
- Hugx and Caresses
- Nibbles and Kisses
- Orgasms
- Well defined Muscles
- Flat Abs
- 34D =)
- Programming (Not a Geek either)
- Beach
- Getting Sun-Kissed
- Pple who dares to be themselves and not hide
- bitches sometimes :)
- Loves and Romance..
- To lend a helping hand/listenin ear at ALL times =)
- Betrayers
- Backstabbers
- Liars
- HypocRytes
- Pple who breaks promises
- Arrogant pple
- Pple who act holy
- Bastards
- Bittergourd
- NS
- Lazy pple/Pple w No Urgency
*Mei*~~Rong~~
GwenGwen
JiaYuan
*Mei*~~Rachel~~
Yu
Dael
Mike
Lester
Kenny
Desire~List
- DEARIE'S HUGX AND KISSES
- New Phone.. 6230I
- Nike Bag.. 82.95
- Abs.
- Bigger Biceps and Triceps.
- Better Complexion
- Better Health...
- Black Jeans
- Orange Shirt
- Grey Pants
- Black Leather Belt
MSN/Friendster: rukawa_koh@hotmail.com
Email: rukawa_gq@yahoo.com / rukawa.gq@gmail.com
"In~LoVeS'~"
SY's Profile:
Samantha Yeo Su Yun
18 years old
Singapore Poly
Lifeguard, Financial Trade
Sports, swimming esp!, life-saving, shopping, taking pictures
Wishlist:
i'm so happy with dear now that i cant wish for more!!=)
Links:
Link
Chitty~Chitty~Chat~Chat