Seriously.. I do not noe how exactly am I feeling..
Lost?
Stressed?
Almost depressed?
Hatred(That I'm not strong enuff. ALWAYS.)?
Worried?
Vexed?
Add them altogether and maybe you can feel what I am feeling now..
Chatted with big bro(BLOOD RELATED REAL BRO) last nite.. at 1 am.. he was kind enuff to reply to my smses..and not just a word or two.. they're pretty long answers that sounds logical and informative. I bet he needs comforting too.Anyway.. conversation goes as follow.. I shall translate into Eng.. we chatted in chinese..
Me: Bro, I wanna meet up with you to talk abt dad.. This thursday afternoon, 1pm.. you can choose the venue.. can ma? Cos.. I feel like I'm so alone out here with no one to look up to and its making me feel damn bad. Mum's pessimistic and I can't seem to be able to do anything abt it.. Please don't tell dad that I find you because I'm feeling bad..Dun wan him to worry..I want him to know that I'm working very hard to be strong already.. pls..Khor, Thank you..
Bro: Today, dad is feeling very unwell, last nite he can't even swallow any food. I bought porridge for him to eat but he also onli eat 1 or 2 mouth.. I onli left with ease after seeing him fall asleep.. I everyday also will go and visit him.. How abt meeting up in the nite? I need to work in the day..
Me: Its the same thing at my home.. The more I think the more heart ache I feel.. I called the doctor to ask.. and the reply was that dad's condition is very normal.. What he's feeling now are just the side effects of the chemo therapy.. but I'm still very worrying.. Okie.. how abt thursday nite? Sorry.. so late then sms you.. khor.. dun reply le.. goodnites..
Bro: Dad'smedical fee are scarily expensive..Our financial ability are very limited.. Its only my mum whose helping him to pay all the fees.. I believe dad understand this very clearly.. But I can feel from him that he miss you and your bro. Nvm.. you can sms me anytime.. Goodnite.
Me: Can you pls tell him that he MUST be determined? Even tho its suffering and painful, he must still get well.. I've already found a job and once I ORD, I can start work already.. For my family side.. even if my mum can't shoulder the burden alone.. Still got me! Dun need to miss us so much and worry abt us so much..As long as the family got me.. I won't let anything happen to the family de. Must believe in us and must believe in himself! Khor.. So sorry... I really do not noe how to put it to him.. pls help me with this little favour.. Just say that I looked for you to chat before.. that way.. he will feel that we, as brothers, are maintaining contact..I guess he will be more relieved that way.. Thank you so very much...
I was pretty stoned after his last msg.. onli replied after 20 mins.. I don't know what to say.. Should I take up the job of a PT? Its not gonna be just physical training.. You have to sell things! Or rather, sell myself.. Seriously not easy.. but its gonna give me big bucks if I work hard.. But hows the market like? So many PT ard.. got so many customers ma? Where to source my customers from? Have to put up a website or something? Haiz. I don't know what to do.
What may seem more easing to me now...
To work at RASA and NUM for a period of 1/2 a yr.. get enuff income for me to fall back on first if anything ever happens.. then go work at California Fitness? Cos sales is a very unstable thing.. if I dun get it going in two months or so..I'm busted! My family needs money now.. I am not confident of selling packages.. and more over.. I doubt I can convince anyone when I am going thru the training! Thus that leaves the first month wages as 1.2k. Enuff? Doubt so.
What should I do now? As who I am? I don't wanna stay stressed. I wanna work things out! God bless me!!!!!
I need guidance!
Help!
Need to source for help from RC. Free money.. y dun take?
Checkout~
Qing.
9:14 AM
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About The
GQ's Profile:
ID:
GQ/QinG/KK/Rukawa
Day of Generation:
09 AugusT 1984
ZodIaRk ~ LeO
Inner BeasT ~ Mice
Loves:
- Samsam/Samantha
- Basketball *Passion*
- Swimming
- Running
- BlooD *Craving*
- Sensual Pain~
- Kitties and Puppies *Cuddle*
- My brothers and sisters
- My Real family and my brother
- StrawBerriEs
- Hugx and Caresses
- Nibbles and Kisses
- Orgasms
- Well defined Muscles
- Flat Abs
- 34D =)
- Programming (Not a Geek either)
- Beach
- Getting Sun-Kissed
- Pple who dares to be themselves and not hide
- bitches sometimes :)
- Loves and Romance..
- To lend a helping hand/listenin ear at ALL times =)
- Betrayers
- Backstabbers
- Liars
- HypocRytes
- Pple who breaks promises
- Arrogant pple
- Pple who act holy
- Bastards
- Bittergourd
- NS
- Lazy pple/Pple w No Urgency
*Mei*~~Rong~~
GwenGwen
JiaYuan
*Mei*~~Rachel~~
Yu
Dael
Mike
Lester
Kenny
Desire~List
- DEARIE'S HUGX AND KISSES
- New Phone.. 6230I
- Nike Bag.. 82.95
- Abs.
- Bigger Biceps and Triceps.
- Better Complexion
- Better Health...
- Black Jeans
- Orange Shirt
- Grey Pants
- Black Leather Belt
MSN/Friendster: rukawa_koh@hotmail.com
Email: rukawa_gq@yahoo.com / rukawa.gq@gmail.com
"In~LoVeS'~"
SY's Profile:
Samantha Yeo Su Yun
18 years old
Singapore Poly
Lifeguard, Financial Trade
Sports, swimming esp!, life-saving, shopping, taking pictures
Wishlist:
i'm so happy with dear now that i cant wish for more!!=)
Links:
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Chitty~Chitty~Chat~Chat