Heh.. finally.. I've passed LS 1,2,3!!! Officially!! hee.. Thank God for that!
Well.. some unhappy incidents happened.. but its all unhappy because I can't shrug off my ego.. I'm just gonna blog this down because it had happened.. I ain't blaming anyone anymore.. and dearie.. if you're gonna read this and feel angry or watever.. pls don't continue. Just skip this entry. I don't wan a quarrel but I need somewhere to vent it out somemore before I can continue to slp properly for the nite..
I repeat.. Its the same old shit I rapped to you thru out the whole nite after LS 123 and at the bus stop waiting. so please don't read if you know you're gonna feel angry or whatever. This is more than a warning. Because I don't want to quarrel. AND I DO NOT want to talk to an anywhere near sians diao dear because you read this.
My first trial for BM for lesson 1 of BM. Dearie was my victim and I swam 50 meter.. and towed her back.. when we reach at the end point.. timing was 3 min 07sec. Great. I thought. but then.. dearie told me she kicked all the way for me.. and I almost flared the hell out of her.. Seriously.. I can't take this kinda thing.. I can't afford to let pple say I pass because of her.. but thats not the main problem.
I am someone who is SUPERBLY PROUD of myself for being able to accept failure and then analyse accordingly to the gap I'm lapsing behind then work SUPER FUCKING HARD back to reach the acceptable standard set by YOURS TRULY.
When I heard abt the timing.. I was extremely glad that I used to take 4 mins.. but now even tho I slowed down at the first 50m, I still get 3min 7 sec.. but the overjoy turned immediately into anger when I found out that that was done with aid from my dear and not my own effort. and to make things worst.. it ain't TWO MINS 7 SECONDS... its onli EIGHT seconds away from the failure timing! Good God.. can you see how WELL I did?
What could have happened? I could have failed the timing if she didn't kick.. thats first. I might not have even been able to COMPLETE the whole 50 meter of towing if she didn't kick for me! She kicked the whole lap for me and yet I get 3 min 7 sec and I WAS PANTING when I reach the ending point.. God Knows How Hurting that is.
If I was given a chance to redo it again.. I'd have kindly asked her to not kick for me.. I am willing to accept the failure.. then work hard to get the gap closed.. But at the end of the day.. I ended with no idea how lousy I am.. but I know I am lousy..I don't have the gauge of how hard I should work. I SERIOUSLY HATE THIS FEELING.
I have no intention of saying good things to patch what I said above.. but I really do truly do and seriously do enjoy and most of all, APPRECIATE the love and concern and care and joy dearie has been blessing me with.. I understand each and every single good intention you had for me when you decided to kick for me so I can tow you better.. but as a matter of fact.. it wasn't better totally.. there were points where you kicked when i tried pulling harder and experiencing all the ways i can think of.. then you travelled too near towards me.. resulting in a lost of velocity and i was unable to catch up with the distance to create more distance for me to pull somemore.. and thus u felt like there was no pull. I've said this 10 times and I'm saying this again. Next time, if there's a test or whatever.. LET ME FALL IF I SHOULD FALL(if there's no teamwork needed and its all abt solo work). I FALL BECAUSE I DID NOT TRAIN HARD ENUFF. I EAT THAT AND I WILL TRAIN HARDER WITH THAT IN MY MIND. WHETHER or not its a trial or first playplay test.. I take Physical Fitness As my Pride and Life. "TO MYSELF: FUCK MY EGO AND PRIDE AS A MAN!" Okay?
--I'm losing it.. damn it.. Breathe. Continue 10 mins later.".
That aside.. I thank you for what you've done for me.. trying to make things better for me IN EVERY SINGLE ASPECT OF OUR RS AND LIFE. I thank you from the very depth of my heart.. because my love for you nv shaken.. and my love for you only grow stronger even thru these damn shit that we have to go thru.
Because its onli thru these damn shit that you gain 10% more than a 100% understanding of each other.
Because I'm serious abt you.. and I am practicing my anger management.. I knew dear was practicin too.. was surprised you actually apologised almost immediately.. I trust that you apologised because you knew what I feel. I repeat. I trust that in you. But I repeat all of those things i said again and again because I want to reemphasize and make things clear. So clear that it'll not happen again or maybe just 5% of our rs. I chose not to talk to you because I want to cool down. Not because I'm mad at you. Its part of the anger management thingy I sent you. If you've actually took the time to read it.. you can see I've been practicing them every now and then. I take this very seriously. because I know temper is very jialat between the both of us when either one of us flare up because of whatever bullshark reason.
Dearie.. if you're still reading this.. lastly, I hope you will not write a fight back blog because I will not discontinue to fight back due to my ego and pride. And then there'll not be an ending. All I ask for is your understanding that this is not a blog to scold you because the incident is over. I don't want this to have ANY adverse effect on you.
Before I end, Let me tell you something..
Dearie, if you love me, let me love you. Being too good to me will NOT work out.
Reason: As leos, we'll even try to out-love each other. Trust me. Even if we're using the reason that "I am so obsessed with you.. I just wanna love you more.." theres still a pinch of that leoistic charactor inside. I've been there.. and result? Both pple tire out. Gameover. understand ma?
If I ask to send you home.. let me do so. If I ask you if you want lunch, let me buy or cook. If I ask you if you want me. Just tell me yes. okay? Tell me thanks and give me kisses.. that's enuff to show your love and appreciation for me. No need to do more things for me. There isn't even a need to say I love you every now and then.. because love is felt thru heart.. I know you knew and feel it too.
Can you hear my heart? thump-IThUmp.. .. thUmP-THUmLP.. ThuMp-TOhUMP.. ThumVp-thUMP.. thuEmP-THump ThuMYp-ThUMP ThuMp-TOhuMP ThuMp-ThUMP...
Muacks.
Qing.
12:50 AM
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About The
GQ's Profile:
ID:
GQ/QinG/KK/Rukawa
Day of Generation:
09 AugusT 1984
ZodIaRk ~ LeO
Inner BeasT ~ Mice
Loves:
- Samsam/Samantha
- Basketball *Passion*
- Swimming
- Running
- BlooD *Craving*
- Sensual Pain~
- Kitties and Puppies *Cuddle*
- My brothers and sisters
- My Real family and my brother
- StrawBerriEs
- Hugx and Caresses
- Nibbles and Kisses
- Orgasms
- Well defined Muscles
- Flat Abs
- 34D =)
- Programming (Not a Geek either)
- Beach
- Getting Sun-Kissed
- Pple who dares to be themselves and not hide
- bitches sometimes :)
- Loves and Romance..
- To lend a helping hand/listenin ear at ALL times =)
- Betrayers
- Backstabbers
- Liars
- HypocRytes
- Pple who breaks promises
- Arrogant pple
- Pple who act holy
- Bastards
- Bittergourd
- NS
- Lazy pple/Pple w No Urgency
*Mei*~~Rong~~
GwenGwen
JiaYuan
*Mei*~~Rachel~~
Yu
Dael
Mike
Lester
Kenny
Desire~List
- DEARIE'S HUGX AND KISSES
- New Phone.. 6230I
- Nike Bag.. 82.95
- Abs.
- Bigger Biceps and Triceps.
- Better Complexion
- Better Health...
- Black Jeans
- Orange Shirt
- Grey Pants
- Black Leather Belt
MSN/Friendster: rukawa_koh@hotmail.com
Email: rukawa_gq@yahoo.com / rukawa.gq@gmail.com
"In~LoVeS'~"
SY's Profile:
Samantha Yeo Su Yun
18 years old
Singapore Poly
Lifeguard, Financial Trade
Sports, swimming esp!, life-saving, shopping, taking pictures
Wishlist:
i'm so happy with dear now that i cant wish for more!!=)
Links:
Link
Chitty~Chitty~Chat~Chat