Leoistic Life..

End of BM..

2006-09-19T02:20:00.000+08:00

heh.. this entry is here.. because i feel... i dunno wat..

mixture of.. sadness.. cos of the end of BM class and the friends I've known over the past 20 weeks are going to be gone for a pretty pretty long time....
Its been a long way that we came by... and ya... we did our test.. most passed.. even those who doesn't deserve it did.. but one did not... and yes.. the other feeling in the mixture i'm having now.. is guilt.. i kinda caused that friend.. or bro of mine to fail...

why? because i failed my first timing and i ganjiong.. and i am so selfish in tinking of myself and i nv tink much for him. i tot daryl was supposed to tow him.. forgetting the fact that daryl had already did his turn. fuck. he towed daryl and he cramped. D-Q..
He was given a second try.. and i let him tow my dear... and fuck.. his clothing dropped twice.. goggle got fogged and some 1 or 2 pp bumped into him that he had to detour..
his timing was just 1 second away from passin...
the examiner did not give any hint or anything... i just wonder.. why can he pass those who nv study at all? and not just let that 1 second off?!
i can't bring myself to respect these examiners.. and for that.. adding on to guilt.. i can't really be totally happy abt my BM pass.

I felt like I don't really deserve it.
I did not have the leadership and calmness to think properly when I'm in trouble. I was able to tink like some big person when others are in trouble.. but when I AM the one who's in a stressed period.. I freak out.. and I let him die.

sigh.
wat a friend i am.

even tho in the fone conversation after i got home.. yeah.. i felt so bad.. i called him up to apologise...

he said he understood that i feel bad because i feel that we train together.. in the class together.. should pass together... but didn't happen in the end..
yeha.. and seriously.. i still feel its my fault. he was a wonderful fren.. and on top of all.. he's got wat he need to pass this thing! if not for mi.. he wouldn't need to get a stupid fail and wait 3 weeks for the next test.

i don't noe how can i bu chang... i seriously pray that God will guide our way.. and let us meet again and let me repay him in someway that he needs next time in the future.. Yeah.. more than glad to noe he's a christian too~ :)

I am thankful for dearie to bring me into LS and swimming.. because of that.. I get to know wonderful ppl... and I got to noe dear better too...

Now that BM is over.. there's not much goals left for this yr except to find a job and build up my body.. oh yeah.. before the building up part.. gotta settle my injury on my shoulder and neck first.. yet another thing that needs gary's help.

Sigh.. i wonder how long will this feeling bug me... in my BMT days.. a buddy of mine.. just like gary.. trained with mi for SOC.. and in the end.. I passed.. and he failed too. fuck. i felt so fucking unfair because it was a failure due to some stupid timing mistake but they did not agree to their fault.. i almost made a fucking big din in the platoon office. no one knew abt it.. but I seriously hoped this kinda thing won't happen again...

maybe I'm too emotional.. but fuck. thats me.. if its daryl who failed.. i wouldn't care.. cos he didn't care and he takes everythign for granted. but if its arina/wati/li qi/gary who failed. which in this case.. its gary.. i really feel damn sad.

moreover.. he's the one who taught mi butterfly.. corrected my freestyle.. someone who got closer as the test date comes by because we trained together.. just like tejman (the guy from nepal) when we trained for competition together.. then he left to nepal.. yeah. its a mix feeling. guilt and sadness.
at least he's still in sg.. and can meet up for gym and swim la.. but well.. when i get a perm job too.. its hard to even maintain frenship for those nearby man.. dun like this kinda friends move away thingies.. quite a few times it had happened.. after OCT training.. after ORD.. after POP.. after i left my basketball team.. after I left Poly and sec sch... God...so many times man... i'm so emotional/affectionate i guess.

God blesses me with so many friendships and brotherhoods.. but yet i dun seem to be able to cherish them well... I hope and pray that God will bless me with the ability to manage time well and plan them well.. for all my friends and love ones... amen.

Haiz. dun feel good still after writing this blog. but at least it made mi feel tired.
Thank God for everything you've blessed me so far.. its been quite an incredible journey.. but i will continue to strive in my LS and swimming to glorify ur name.

nitenitex...
GQ

2006-09-16T01:29:00.000+08:00

rachael's breakup remind me of why edmund and I broke up.. pretty similar.. i did everything for him yet he left to woo someone else he interests. well not that i'm sad or feeling wasted over it but her incident just reminded me of that, 'painful' past.. i've certainly grew out of it and am now enjoying my love life much more with my darling national day.. haha..

theres also another case of 2 of our co-workers who have been a couple for 5 months. here are some facts to start the ball rolling.. he is her first bf, their age dif is almost 10yrs, he often complains about her insensitivity and immaturity..

both cases are pretty negative.. but i believe it serves as a reminder to us right dear? their cases are examples of what is likely to be able to fold up our rs if we didn't give enough care and resolvement to our problems. well, these issues r bad on our friends but its good on our side. it helps us to a certain extent.

baby, u told me about your worries about our recent 'problems' or little quarrels over domestic stuffs. even though i did not really realise the issues or 'cracks' you discovered,i hope you are reassured that i understand your concerns and i'm willing to work hard with you to prolong our relationship in a good way for as long as possible. our love is real and no one can beat that..

i love you honey..

Qn.

2006-09-15T01:39:00.000+08:00

I was posted this qn by some dear fren of mine...

"Everything i do, it was for him. I don't know what i want is for myself..I do things for him to be happy, but he still left. why....?"

It is a very sad case that I do not wish to disclose here.. but I'd like to address to this qn.. esp.. to my dearie.. my utmost loving dearie...

First and foremost.. it was a very typical example of love blind case.. Since day one of rs.. i told myself and i told my dearie not to get into such a situation.. because in that situation.. u won't have consciousness for ANY degrading of feeling or fade off of love or any other stuffs.. this can be dangerous for rs.. esp. cummulative anger and accumulating grudges/compromises-overmade.

A mini example of it happened in MY rs with dearie.. which rings a bell SO LOUD it almost deafen my ears. I'm glad it got me awake.. and I managed to talk to dearie before anything and everything gets worst. I felt like I compromised too much.. for going to her home.. trying to meet the quota of meeting her everyday(regardless its a need for me or she just plainly miss me).. I can't emphasize enuff that this is impossible to happen because working life will soon take over and the impact will be great if we were to suddenly expose to that no-meeting days instead of building up from now.
Also.. meeting her and her parents too much means too li'l time for my parents.. tat caused some disruptions in my emotions because my dad just kinda recovered(i still found blood streaks in the phlegm of his just now.. i dunno.) from cancer.. last but not least.. the controlling of my expenditure and restricting me from buying anything I want. I was OK initially.. if to state the condition.. i was blinded by love.. I felt that it is ok.. I should compromise to her because I love her and I WANT HER TO BE HAPPY!!! i did not negotiate an equal good way out.. and thus ended up with the numerous quarrels we had recently because the patience hit the limit and compromises breaks down.. I was kinda stupid then. Too naive.. and despite knowing that this may happen.. I still fell for the trap because the love I fell into is way too deep.

I am glad we're having love that we're willing to fork our life for.. and its VERY unconditional.. but let me remind dearie and myself.. that this was getting pretty unhealthy oh.. dearie said u were too dependent on mi.. I did not agree to it.. and tinking abt it til now. .I should say dearie just love me too much and just wanna help me. But on my receiving end.. it doesn't feel that way. Despite being mature and appreciative.. I couldn't help but feel the restrictions and control dearie is towering over me. I need the space for breather like I just told u..

This can very easily boil down to things happening the way like the qn posted to me by my dear fren... scroll up to see. Why did lover A did all she can for lover B but lover B still left? Cos on the receiving end.. lover B isn't feelin the love.. he's feeling the pressure of the overwhelming love. and is lover B doesn't address to it cos he's plain lazy or tinks he can compromises everything (like i was..).. doom will be on the way.

Anyway.. I hope dearie will wake up with mi on this wake up call.. it ain't meant to be harsh.. but I was just evaluating wat was happening on my side. so u can noe.. I hope we will always have such conversation.. honest ones.. so we can truly evaluate and stay conscious of our love.. so we won't be blinded and killed by love when we truly love each other.

Like i said in the beginning.. commitment and loving ain't easy.. since I took my first step to propose to u on 24 Dec 2005 1.33AM.. I already made up my mind to walk with you down the long winding rough.smooth route til we reach the aisle and tie the knot. I don't go into a rs to playplay. and you know how serious I can be when I AM serious.

I know dearie's serious abt me too.. and dearie very much feel the same way as I do when love is concerned. Do evaluate on the above.. and we can discuss to make adjustments and then follow thru them so we can get back on the honeymoon days again with lesser quarrels but still same fruitfulness in understanding yeah?

Maybe dearie tink I am tinking too much. but tink abt it. if i dun tink abt it.. who will? wat if this carry on and i am to be super dumb to notice onli when my feelings for u fade because of tiredness i were to experience from all the quarrels and compromising to your well-meant controls/restrictions? am i really thinking too much? or am i just trying to make things easier with my li'l 2 cents worth of wits that i have in my walnut sized brain? tink abt it and tell me. yeah? :)

Checkout~
Ray.

sorry.

2006-09-10T04:59:00.000+08:00

Baby.. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for the insensitivity I displayed.. and being so easily angered resulting in not being nice to you at all for these recent weeks.. Pl don't get me wrong.. I still love you all the same.. Its just that stress has been building up quite highly..

I wished that we could have more quiet times spent out of our bedrooms or anywhere that we could fall asleep on. If you noticed.. its been quite sometime since we had a hearty session of chatting.. yes.. I meant all the words I say to you even though I've been spouting "I love you"s almost everyday and nite.. I couldn't say that enuff to overemphasize its faith I have for our RS.

Still, I really wish I could say more than that. Much more.. But we just couldn't.. because when we're together.. its either we're shopping, sleeping, swimming or eating or.... yah. I miss the days we go to the park.. stroll around some quiet place.. and sit down and chat.. I know dearie enjoys comfort more than anything else.. but I really hope that raising this up now can help and it won't be too late before everything starts to collapse even at the very least. Communication breakdown can be dead serious in RS if you would let me kindly remind you.

I don't mean to say dearie's stupid that you didn't tink abt me when you told your mum I'm gonna get gifts.. in fact.. what I was trying to imply was something I thought of and was related to that. I wished dear will spend sometime with me star gazing outside without complaining the mosquito bites or warm air. I am starting to detest aircon room because it makes us sleepy and that way, I couldn't talk to you heartily at all! I got alot to share. Maybe its because my family ain't as fortunate.. and sometimes I feel that I have too much on my shoulders and head! One good reason is my mum's simply Simple minded or Naive and my dad's NOT ard with her. so, that leaves the Home and WHOLE FAMILY to MY charge. How "Relaxing" can that be. Mum's earning 1200 a month, spending 1650.. Keng don't put me on schedule. How great. Dad's staying at the other side.. all alone in his room after meeting us for dinner. I onli see him twice within 2 months. Can dearie's parents just keep me as their son instead? I shan't list out the many good points that will serve except I can't marry you.

Let me digress.

Each of the two times seeing daddy.. I saw mum asking money from Dad.. its FUCKED UP Feeling. and the rear view of my dad walking away.. back to his "Beautifully decorated and Well equiped" room.. I could just sense Loneliness so overwhelming. I feel? Sad.

Every single day since last week.. Mum will call and some kinda conversation of the below will be "played" like a radio-cassette on repeat mode.

Mum: Keng ar.. tonite got come back eat bo?
Me: Nah.. Ma.. I got something on tonite.
Mum: Zhe yang ar..
Me: Yah.
Mum: Eh.. daddy says if u wanna eat come down to his place and eat together leh..
Me: Can't leh ma.. I need to practice my swimming.
Mum: Zhe yang ar..
Pause..
Mum again: Then left me and Ah Di two persons onli leh.
Me: Yah.. you all go eat lor.. I eat by myself lor.. Cos test coming up.. must practice hard.
Mum: Ok ok lor.. dun come back too late ar.
Me: Orh.. ok.. you take care.. okie.. byebye..
Mum: ar.. bye bye.

What do you see in the conversation?
I see myself being forced to make a decision of having to defy her wish of mi coming back to eat and thus making them lonely. On top of that.. I have to deal with the fact that Dad will Miss me. Dad hasn't been emotional all years of his life that I've seen thru out my 22 years of living. That adds on real much to the idea that he actually Misses me. I feel? Hurt.
But I wanna pei my dearie. and I wanna practice my swimming. I need time to gym and excel physically. I don't wanna grow fat. I don't want to go home and face those shit again! I don't wish to see my mum asking me to make decision. Asking me questions that she already has an answer and being super not understanding by insisting on her decisions even tho I can't make it or something like that. That causes me to insist on my own decision and thus making them sad or watsoever. Fuck that.

I am very. Note. VERY. afraid that the RS between me and dearie will be affected because of this. This emotional turmoil and stress has been building up. Esp. with the times when dearie can't make up her mind to be with me or with her family. And I always act smart try to be understanding then just follow her to her home and have dinner with her family and her so she can have the best of both worlds. Exactly the opposite happens to me. Maybe this prolonged cycle over the last two months had made me rather sick. Mentally and Emotionally. thats why I flared at dearie easily. I'm sorry. I really am. You noe me.. I don't say sorry easily Unless I mean it cos I know Saying Sorry means I'm at Fault and I don't like that.
Dearie also will have that kinda conversation with me like the one I wrote between me and mummy. I REALLY HATE THAT.

Its a Ask me liao but When I give the answer.. the answer ain't favourable to you and then you will continue asking. Many a times this situation arises and I adopted a mindset and action of whenever you asked something..I will make up my mind REALLY FAST and insist on that. Thats why you see me being harsh because I wanna show that I am insistent on my decision. I don't wanna be like mum who is very indecisive. But when I become decisive.. dearie and mummy don't accept my decision and continues to question. I get sian. I don't wish to answer again because you already know. Then? Mummy and dearie gets upset because my answer don't conform to the best situation suited to mummy and dearie. Then? I have to insist on my decision still.. because its a decision I made because I feel that its the best. Then? I hide in my heart with that guilt of having to make dearie or mummy upset cos of my decision.

Sometimes.. really.. If both side can't make a decision.. I wish to say "I AM NOT FREE TONITE FOR ANYONE. and just go gym my ass off or swim or play ball."

I need to go. I need to escape from this sandwich thingy. Dearie need money and wants me. Working lifestyle can't conform.. So I have to conform to dearie's timing and her need to meet the parents for dinner. Because she has work. Thats a no choice thing. On the other hand.. I ain't deployed so I can travel down. so I SHOULD conform to her because I am HER LOVE. One and Only pl.
but that causes a lopsided situation many a times when my own family ain't cared for by me. Fuck. I can't handle this man. Can daddy come back and pei mummy so I can do my own thing? CAN SOMEONE ELSE TAKE CHARGE?

WHY THE FUCK AM I A BORN LEADER? BORN LEADER AIN'T TALENT. IT MEANS YOU'RE BORN TO BE FORCED TO BE A LEADER. THATS WHO I AM.
Fuck that.

Darling..

I wanna gym and workout my body to be defined and leaned and fit.
I wanna perfect my Breaststroke.
I wanna perfect my Freestyle/Front crawl.
I wanna learn more abt butterfly then perfect it.
I wanna spend time with you.
I wanna spend time with my family.
I wanna make you happy.
I wanna make my dad and mum feel homely and loved.
I wanna love you with all I can.
I wanna tell you all of my heart. When can I? Can you feel what I am feeling?
I feel so compressed.
I wanna work and make money.
I wanna clear the bills for my mum.
I wanna new house.
I wanna new everything in the house.
I wanna clean and neat house.
I wanna make you Mine.
I wanna marry you soon.
I wanna tell you...

That I'm sorry for all the things I've done.

I have been a lousy boyfriend compared to you as a girlfriend. You've took care of me, I haven't. You've bought things for me to eat.. I haven't. You've been there for me all the time.. but I couldn't be there for you because you don't have any troubles in your life for me to be there with! I have no chance or maybe dearie have no time to tell me also just like how i am feeling above. Dearie loves me lots.. I love you lots too.. Dearie have the ability to shower care and concern on me.. I can't. Dearie's not stressed.. I'm almost fully compressed.

Almost dead.

Somebody help?

Dearie.. I need to talk. I NEED TO. Don't ask me "what I wanna talk" when we meet. I don't know how sensitive can dearie get but sometimes you can actually ask question similar to that level or extend when we meet up and I say I wanna do something with you and you'll ask me directly so what you wanna do abt that something? If I have something definite to talk to you or do with you.. I'd start immediately when I met up with you.. I won't pause. Sometimes I can't just start because I don't know how to. Understand ma? Hugs..

I love and miss you baby.....

I can't sleep.. its 5.30 now.. I came back at 2. I can't sleep. At all.

Checkout,
Ray.

2006-09-07T10:50:00.000+08:00

things have been going pretty smooth for us these days.. first it was the unexpected aquathlon win, e windfall and a pretty good job opportunity for me!!

most of all, we are so happy together.. =)

silly darling..

2006-09-05T22:09:00.000+08:00

he called me to wake me up@ 0630 hrs..
to my surprise, he sounded rather awake..
and guess what?
he stayed up all night because he feared if he slept, he wouldn't be able to wake me up on time..
so he played playstation all night..
even though he was so sleepy and tired..

goodness..
my dear kok keng is such a silly boy..

not to mention, super uber ultra SWEET..

i simply can't wait!!!

still overjoyed from our champion win for the New Balance Aqualthon: Mixed Relay Sprint Event =)=)=) haha..

Aqua....again

2006-09-02T21:20:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna do the normal thing I always do again... Run...

Sexy baby number XR52... XD

That was where she swam.. kinda.. See liao oso sianz. Next yr I swimming. More sian.

I took this pic because I wanna learn how to sneak shot other babes. LOL....
Nah.. just wanna post something innocently sexy of my lovably gorgeous darling who has so many assets she and i can show off for... =D

HAO LIAN~~~~
WO XI HUAN LEH.. ZHEN YANG??? :Pp

Aqua..Cont'd

2006-09-02T21:18:00.000+08:00

Pretty shagged.. but still lovely as ever~ hehee..

Smile until eyes gone.. HAHAHHAA..

Hai.. the weather so hot... cannot open my eyes.. XD

Lets take one photo together!~ CHEEZE~ Thanks to a guy wearing brasil shirt. hahahaha..

Aquathlon~ Our SURPRISING win..

2006-09-02T21:17:00.000+08:00

1st for Mixed relay sprint category =)

i swam 750m in the open sea (1st)
he ran 5km (2nd)YAY..................................!!! After the long wait................

life...

2006-09-02T21:15:00.000+08:00

Crumpled face. :P

eee... YucKS~ :P

Smile~~~~

"Not Nice la.."
"... okok.. i take one more.."
"Okay?"
"hee.. nice nice..."

not-so-great day..

2006-08-25T21:50:00.000+08:00

First day at work with dear! haa.. but wasn't really that great cos i didn't see her for almost the whole day since she's either at wonder golf or in the playhse with the kiddies....and guess wat...

A snake appeared.. then went into the bush.. thats fine.. we called the pest buster.. and before they could arrive anytime soon..a 50 cm long and 15 to 20 cm wide monitor lizard crawled into the baby pool..
guess wat.. i ran over to stop the kids from going up the slide and TO MY SURPRISE. HA HA HA!.. i was fucking scolded for running at them. by ICE then by this fucking malay guy. CCB.. if i dun run at them.. i shout at them.. they say i rude. i ran towards them and told them nicely..thats wat i did. and..? they say i may cause a chaotic situation and scare the guests away. wat am I? A FUCKING MONSTER or SOMETHING? And guess wat will happen if i didn't do any of the above? the children see the lizard.. and then they scared.. they cry? who at fault? ME AGAIN!

Ice says the lizard will not attack or bite unless u provoke him with stones. THOSE PPLE ARE KIDS.. AND IF I DUNNO ABT THAT.. DO U TINK A 5 YR OLD KID WILL NOE? if you tink like them.. u see a monster.. wat will u wanna do after watching POWER RANGERS AND JEDI? you either poke them with a stick.. or scream because u're scared or throw stones at them! and then? they kenna attack.. and me? i slowly walked there.. shouted at them NICELY and i was NOT IN TIME! and then? I will be scolded again!
GO HOME FUCK SPIDER LA.. CHEE BYE.

That was not the end.. then came the towel stand and slide situation.. I was supposed to swap with gang and derrick for the TS and Slide thingy.. and wat happened? Gang Did NOT appear for the slide AT ALL. end up mi taking charge over slide and ts WHOLE DAY. YES. 9 FUCKING HOURS. So.. wat does gang comment abt derrick? "OH.. Having lunch with him is boring..." so he did not want to change lunch with mi even tho i got some fitness matters to discuss with bernard.. and then? he stuck with derrick at seasports for fucking 5 hours?! SO LOGICAL.

Guess wat? YES. THERE'S MORE. Kerry called to ask where's gang. I told her I don't noe. She scold mi for having no one at the slide. if i go slide, she'll screw mi for not taking care of ts. if i stand at ts.. she'll screw mi for not standing at slide!~ haha.. so wat am i supposed to do? KAGE BUSHINN NO JUTSU? FUCK. I AIN'T NO NARUTO WHO CAN SPLIT INTO THOUSANDS WITH THAT JUTSU K.

Yups. then came this towel incident again.
There was no more towel..
kerry called to ask.. "is there still anymore towels?"
i answer "no.."
kerry : " call laundry at #### to ask."
i called and asked "hi, may i noe if there's any pool towels?"
the auntie answered:"no.. it'll come onli at 6.30"

NOTE: TIME IS 4.30PM.

then?

there's this japanese tourist who kept insisting that its easy AND IMPORTANT for his family and him to have TWO towels.. cos its just him and his family.. we can easily get it for him! should be.. according to him cos we're ONE HOTEL and the hotel should have MANY TOWELS! and there's onli him and his family needing! According to him again! and he wants it NOW COS THERE'S SUN. IF THERE'S NO SUN.. THEN IT WON'T BE FUN ANYMORE TO PLAY IN THE POOL!

MY ANSWEr? FUCK YOU. YOU TINK THE OTHERS HAVE TOWELS? HAVE YOU GOT NO PIG OR ANT OR ELEPHANT BRAINS TO TELL YOU THAT WE HAD REJECTED SO MANY PPLE AT THE TOWEL STAND WITH UTTERLY SORRY FACES? FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! FUCK YOU FUCKING MOTHER FUCKER ...

moreover.. i explained that the washing of the towels are not handled by us.. and he still not happy. bernard suggest bring him to kerry and SO i did. thEN.. kerry was STUNNED. "WHY YOU BRING HIM TO ME?" she asked.

I thought in my heart:"I thought you've always worked liek you're MY SUPERVISOR?"
then she tried explaining cos i said i explain liao and he dun wanna listen.. he still unhappy. then she say "wat you wan me to do then?"
then i say" huh? i need you to explain to him that its not within our control as much as we wanna provide la"
FUCK. GIVE ME YOUR PAY I WORK FOR YOUR POST BETTER LA.
then the complain goes on by the JAP IDIOT. and she went off without ending anything just leaving the shit to me.
ok.. i bring him down the stairs and he complain i just keep quiet. see my patient good or your complain better lor. tell him can write complain letter.. he wanna call GM.. so. is he an idiot or wat?

Then Gang came back cos of kerry asking where is he. fucking scared, he ask mi wat i told kerry. was so pissed.. i just told him i said u at ssc help lor. coming back liao. then he "ok ."
then he went up to send the towels.. and some lost and found. then he say that he will check for more towels.. then? he came dow nand say he is stucked with the trolley cos the ice machine near the lift is on maintenance and he can't do anything to move it himself the other way cos there's slope. fucking retard.
then he came back for my help and told mi "YAH I CHECK LIAO.. THERE'S NO TOWELS"
ok fine.
so i tot at 5.05 there's no towels. then i sent the towels up with him. and then ? WE SAW a cage of TOWEL.
we pushed it down.. then he say" actually i didn't physically check.. i just glanced."
great....
then? after the jap incident got to goofy.. he was pissed.. and he talked to mi and gang.. gang lied that he checked. and i told him that i did call the laundry and ask.. they told mi its 6.30. ain't no lies at all from my side. then.. goofy called the laundry and checked.. guess wat?
the taiji game begins as the supervisors of each department tries to shield their ppl.
GM of Uniform side: "Your men called to ask when did the next batch come. not whether there's towel."
and without any other investigation.. he called gang in to say all the shitty integrity things u can tink abt and blame us for not going up there physically to check. yeah rite. if gang didn't say he checked.. u tink i wouldn't? u tink i like to spend time at the ts after 5 hrs of "THANKS AND CHEERS AND SORRY" and still be scolded?
anyway.. if u wanna noe wat i asked in actual fact. scroll up and read.

also. if the uniform pple can't help us even check if there are towels.. why are they paid so much for? give mi 1/8 pf their salary and i'll do it for them! fuck.

then.. goofy wanna write a report to every department.. mi and gang's gonna be famous.. thanks gang.. thanks kerry.. thanks to everyone.

last but not least.. i would like to add.. i was asking kerry wats the problem now since the issue is solved? her answer?
"your boss la. he's STUPID." she meant goofy.
and then? because of that? she called mi after goofy's so called INVESTIGATION.. to tell mi wat to do. goofy before that .. came out and "are you ok, kk?"
me:" yeah! ?"..
he came over.. and "give me one man.." then he high five mi.
.... ?
haha.. but ok la.. i noe he's a nice guy to work with just that he's still new and TOO GARANG.he's cool with jokes.. he's a supervisor who works with his crews and not just instruct. even tho that may just because he's new now. but watever.. i won't work there til he's old there anyway.
and yup. back to kerry.. her voice from stern turn to soft and nice when she say" actually ar.. just now i sayu ur boss stupid.. its onli a slip of mouth la.. haha.. i dun mean it one .. so dun say i say one ar.. haha.."

fuck u bitch. very funny?

my reply" haha.. i won't la.. i won't chap with your so called office politics one. i'm onli a part timer and i'm onli here to do my job."

and she.."haha.. ok.. i noe la.. u guys part timer oso can't expect too much froim u all rite.. ok.. thanks ar KK.."

Fuck u.
bye.

and yeah. wat a day huh?
hahaha..
but dearie lent me money to eat at yoshinoya.. and bought wang jiao butter toast to eat.. nice nice oh...
hahaa.. muacks.. love ur kisses..
and yea,.. .latex and leather looks damn sexy and hot on u. XXXXX FACTOR BABY~
YOU GO BABE~
HAHA..

check out~
KK.

Sharings... VI

2006-08-12T10:56:00.000+08:00

Sharings... V

2006-08-12T10:55:00.002+08:00

Sharings... IV

2006-08-12T10:55:00.001+08:00

Sharings... III

2006-08-12T10:55:00.000+08:00

Sharings... II

2006-08-12T10:54:00.000+08:00

Sharings... I

2006-08-12T10:53:00.000+08:00

BirthdayS~~~

2006-08-11T23:59:00.000+08:00

our birthday celebration...

As planned.. we met at Tony Romas... haa.. it was my treat.. cos i owe her so much! yeah.. we ordered carolina ribs and regular/original ribs.. half slab each! haa.. wat big appetite we have! hee.. and yes.. we do crave for it since 2 months ago... but my financial situation always stopped us from eating it.. i'm sorry dear.. i will jiayou from now on since i got my freedom again! hee..

hophop..

Gave her that jiu hou duo shi de Secret present.. haha.. stunned her right there! :Pp Bet she nv got such a present before and I feel see her excitement and happiness from her still-hoarse and sexy voice :Pp Gave her a glass tube of glow-in-the-dark stars with glass painting done with help of gwennie.. haha.. I hope its sweet enuff with that little card and poem I wrote... hugx dearie.. all for u oh.. Lovelove..
Everything was really great.. and not long later.. she passed me my present.. haha.. it was least expected.. but yah.. she gave me that shirt that make mi look sunshine boy~! haha.. hophophop..x3.. soooo happy.. she gave me that blue berms we saw too.. haha.. btw the shirt is of a really nice mixture of gradience blue, yellow, white and turquoise color.. I love them! thanks dearie... the best and most thoughtful presents ever thought.. thansk for helping to mould me into the beach boy i wanna be~ hehee...
i wanna be beach hunk in few months time!!!!

hee.. yup.. and i tot that was all for the nite because it was already SO perfect... but she forced me to go toilet for awhile... and when i came back?

there was a CAKE ON THE TABLE!! hahaha.. cute.. small little choco cake with a strawberry coated with chocolate and a heart shape biscuit as deco! hee.. we ate like 1/2 the cake.. then wasted la..but we ARE health conscious.. hehe..

THANK YOU DEARIE... YOU'RE SOOOOO SWEET....

then we went to carrefoure.. shop ard.. notti here and there.. haha.. then i sent her home!:) and yeapz.. tat ends our sweet little birthday together!

btw.. that was wat happened on her birthday on 080806... haha.. my birthday.. rather..nvm.. i'll update that on another place.. but yeah.. had a little celebration with her neighbouring uncle.. someone who shares the same birthday as me but 30+ years older.. haha..
he was very kind to share all the fun with mi.. :) really thankful for that as well.. seriously.. it was not the most fun i ever had.. but definitely the most fantastic birthday.. cos i believe.. i found true love.. a love so special.. it belong to us onli.. and we both cherish it.. thats the most important thing! =)

okie.. thats all for now.. tiredz after work... zzzz....

checkout~
Qing.

touched.

2006-08-08T00:40:00.000+08:00

She came from HG to my place with lunch wo.. even tho she's SO sick!!! aiyo.. first time got someone do this to me.. if not for the frustration.. i would have end up in tears....

So touched.. so loved.. this kinda girlfriend..
where to find? sick still come and take care of mi. but trust mi.. if i was her.. i'd have done the same too.. and pat her to slp then i go home.. =)

Haa.. so happy.. and its her Bday!! Happy bday baby!! =)

Hope tht we can spend a wonderful day together oh..

nothing much to write now cos my headache is almost killing mi...

darling take care oki.. hope u can talk by tomolo! hee..
an an oh...

A normal Entry.. =p

2006-07-31T13:29:00.000+08:00

I miss my dad..

Yea.. Its not easy for him.. I know its damn damn damn suffering for him.. He miss us all.. comes home just to check if there's RICE in the bucket and if everthing's alrite.. Even though he's SO ill.. and he looks so.. pale.. I seriously pray hard that he will be healed by you.. amen.. anyway..every meal I eat.. or rather.. every single mouth of solid food I take in nowadays.. I will think of how difficult it is for him.. my earthly dad.. he can't swallow because it hurts SO much.. and fuck.. did it hurt my heart too.

I really wished I was better to him.. I knew my attitude changed as I matured quite a little.. but I still kinda hate myself for shouting at him and getting frustrated at him out of nothing or something he did for my own good but I was simply too DUMB to realise it was something he did for my own good!. Screw myself for that.

Mum's really very money minded.. and I can't blame her because the family's financial thingy is in her hands right now.. I really hope she spends Wisely.. I know she can't.. but I pray that she will. amen to that again.

Ns is going to be over.. from a non-swimmer to a lifeguard to be.. it was pretty amazing how things had turned over the short period of two years I served for the nation. I was lucky enuff to meet my special somebody who turned me from a runner to a swimmer.. she saved my knees.. and a bad tempered guy/ego freak/pride freak to a more understandin person and sensitive person.. cos she's more bad tempered than me.. unlike that previous somebody. hahaa.. challenges always make things better.. oh yeha.. she turned me into an indian like being too. I'm so dark now. haha.. Ms Jacqueline called me Chinaman.. but I doubt she still could if she sees me again now. =)

I'm Oh-So-Thankful to samantha for all that.

This is my last day in the office.. and I'm doing a DO duty.. and I am here writing a blog because sam requested me to do so? ahaa..ok la.. also because I completed my work liao so abit free for now lor..

Today's weihao's bday! and I just wished him happy bday..
Seriously.. I'm so glad I have my own bunch of die hard brothers for life!
They're as follow:

Jingfu!

Yikang!

Banyang!

Weihao!

Lester!

Michael!

Melvin!

Kai Zhong!

We've been together for a period of 9 to 10 years! haha.. goodness.. thanks to basketball who brought us together more or less! They're serious bunch of wonderful friends who nv fail to be there once called upon.. and rest assured I'll be there for you guys whenever need be!

Ha.. and suddenly, I miss those days in sec sch when I was still a fat boy who LOVES basketball to the core.. and we just play ball in the lunchtime.. recess time.. whenever there's a ball and whenever there's a court! haa.. It was so carefree because there's nothing to worry abt..

but then again.. the shittie thing is.. Time flies and now.. I'm here shouldering LOTSA stuffs.. nvm.. I shan't fall.. and I shall fight and perservere on. Thanks to dearie who pulls me up once in a while when I fall badly. I'm still learning.. but I will be strong de! Dearie oso.. if you need me.. pls.. I hope I can be the one you cry to too.. I will always lend u my personal listening ears and shoulder and every single part you need!.. always.. and sincerely too. =)

Ok.. before I end this entry..

Let me announce something.. I am LESS THAN 20 HRS TO CLEARING LEAVE!!!!!! haa...
ORD OH! =X

dearie.. is that light hearted enuff? haa.. hope this cheers u up a little by bringing some happy memories of you and your sec sch frens too! =) Pl take care of yourself.. and Yah.. i got eat medicine and lunch and drink LOTS of water! so no worries oki? I am resting during lunch time which is AMAZING cos I tot of swimming.. but nah.. I shall rest til tonite! hee.. Pray that I'll have a safe nite and nothing will happen for DO duties to be carried out yeah? AMEN! haa..

I love you darling..

Checkout~
Qing.

Help.

2006-07-26T09:14:00.000+08:00

Seriously.. I do not noe how exactly am I feeling..

Lost?
Stressed?
Almost depressed?
Hatred(That I'm not strong enuff. ALWAYS.)?
Worried?
Vexed?

Add them altogether and maybe you can feel what I am feeling now..
Chatted with big bro(BLOOD RELATED REAL BRO) last nite.. at 1 am.. he was kind enuff to reply to my smses..and not just a word or two.. they're pretty long answers that sounds logical and informative. I bet he needs comforting too.Anyway.. conversation goes as follow.. I shall translate into Eng.. we chatted in chinese..

Me: Bro, I wanna meet up with you to talk abt dad.. This thursday afternoon, 1pm.. you can choose the venue.. can ma? Cos.. I feel like I'm so alone out here with no one to look up to and its making me feel damn bad. Mum's pessimistic and I can't seem to be able to do anything abt it.. Please don't tell dad that I find you because I'm feeling bad..Dun wan him to worry..I want him to know that I'm working very hard to be strong already.. pls..Khor, Thank you..

Bro: Today, dad is feeling very unwell, last nite he can't even swallow any food. I bought porridge for him to eat but he also onli eat 1 or 2 mouth.. I onli left with ease after seeing him fall asleep.. I everyday also will go and visit him.. How abt meeting up in the nite? I need to work in the day..

Me: Its the same thing at my home.. The more I think the more heart ache I feel.. I called the doctor to ask.. and the reply was that dad's condition is very normal.. What he's feeling now are just the side effects of the chemo therapy.. but I'm still very worrying.. Okie.. how abt thursday nite? Sorry.. so late then sms you.. khor.. dun reply le.. goodnites..

Bro: Dad'smedical fee are scarily expensive..Our financial ability are very limited.. Its only my mum whose helping him to pay all the fees.. I believe dad understand this very clearly.. But I can feel from him that he miss you and your bro. Nvm.. you can sms me anytime.. Goodnite.

Me: Can you pls tell him that he MUST be determined? Even tho its suffering and painful, he must still get well.. I've already found a job and once I ORD, I can start work already.. For my family side.. even if my mum can't shoulder the burden alone.. Still got me! Dun need to miss us so much and worry abt us so much..As long as the family got me.. I won't let anything happen to the family de. Must believe in us and must believe in himself! Khor.. So sorry... I really do not noe how to put it to him.. pls help me with this little favour.. Just say that I looked for you to chat before.. that way.. he will feel that we, as brothers, are maintaining contact..I guess he will be more relieved that way.. Thank you so very much...

I was pretty stoned after his last msg.. onli replied after 20 mins.. I don't know what to say.. Should I take up the job of a PT? Its not gonna be just physical training.. You have to sell things! Or rather, sell myself.. Seriously not easy.. but its gonna give me big bucks if I work hard.. But hows the market like? So many PT ard.. got so many customers ma? Where to source my customers from? Have to put up a website or something? Haiz. I don't know what to do.

What may seem more easing to me now...
To work at RASA and NUM for a period of 1/2 a yr.. get enuff income for me to fall back on first if anything ever happens.. then go work at California Fitness? Cos sales is a very unstable thing.. if I dun get it going in two months or so..I'm busted! My family needs money now.. I am not confident of selling packages.. and more over.. I doubt I can convince anyone when I am going thru the training! Thus that leaves the first month wages as 1.2k. Enuff? Doubt so.

What should I do now? As who I am? I don't wanna stay stressed. I wanna work things out! God bless me!!!!!

I need guidance!
Help!

Need to source for help from RC. Free money.. y dun take?

Checkout~
Qing.

TJ REPLIED!

2006-07-13T16:26:00.000+08:00

heh.. I got a reply from Tejman! haha.. man! I missed him! Reminiscing the days when we kinda dominate the court with our partnership! haha.. he's like fixed with a spring on his heels and he can just jump non stop and stil lreach the same height after each jump! I used to ponder if I live at the cold himalaya mountains like he does in nepal.. or at least.. NEAR it.. maybe I can attain that kinda jump heights due to living condition in the high pressure up there! :Pp haha.. dreams aside.. he's got pretty lousy stamina but he's a strong dude! hehe.. shooting is damn good. and man.. he's a team player! hehe.. love that because i can pass all the ball nicely to him and he almost nv fails to finish it in the most stylish way!

he's in Dubai now.. God bless him with a good job with a decent pay man.. I believe every good man who does no wrong except watching porn and some mistakes here and there should be blessed because all are your children yeah? =) Amen to that!

You go dude! I'll be awaiting for your reply! haha..

Checkout~
KKK.

Serious Moodswing.

2006-07-13T10:34:00.000+08:00

God.. I'm having Serious moodswing today man..
I'm sooo introvert I don't feel like talking to anyone..
Never so affected before..

Too much worries.
Home. Mum's lonely. Dad's lonely too. Heard they're gonna empty a room for him to stay in. Does it mean he's sleeping by himself? He'll go crazy! DAD COME HOME PLEASe!

If dad's home.. I'll have to watch over him. - Responsibility.

Mum's home too. I'll have to console her and be there for her as and when she call me. She seldom does that. Makes me worry. She DOES cry. She's pessimistic. Makes me worry more. - Responsibility.

Money. Bills.. Phone.. Internet.. Electricity.. Water.. Groceries.. 100Dollars of canned food! Medical bills.. I can't work til september! damn it! I need MORE money.

I've 7 days of leave left! 10 days of work to complete before clearing leave.

10 days of working days left to complete my add and edit.

Van's work needs time. Something i hate abt visual basic. Its easy and requires no thinking.. makes me feel like i'm wasting my time while programming.
Can't use array of textfields! idiot.. muz do repetitive coding.

How does the payment needs to be done? Van? pls advice.
When the person order.. i just add to wat he previously ordered and stored in the database? Or NEED to show just what he ordered in this session?

ECART _
Total ORDER:
___________________
previous order + current order.

OR

ECART_
Total Order:
_______________________
Previous order
:
:
Current Order?

Please show me whats needed. Thanks!

Dear. I miss you so much. Can I just escape from all those problems? May I? I wish I could. Why me? I feel like a coward now. I feel like saying I'll stand up to it.. but HOW?

Somebody help me?????

Qing.

A tough Journey.

2006-07-11T23:34:00.000+08:00

Lots of my life has change.. since I entered Army.. til I went over to police.. thru the training.. til I broke with shir.. til now.. When i'm blessed with such overwhelming love I could nv even dream of.

Rmbr that day when I enlist at Tekong.. Mum cried.. I finally expressed my thoughts to her thru shir that time.. my appreciation for her and daddy's love.. It was almost like I was parting forever.. It was sad.. but I'm glad I went thru it.. for I've seen thru alot and I've learnt alot.. really.

Thank God for that.

Well.. Its July already man.. and its only like 10 days more of work minus my leave.. I'm seriously more than glad whenever I thought of it.. for I can finally get out of the 900 dollars salary limit! Its soooo restricting.. and I really need more for my family and my gal and myself...
To add on to the motivation for getting out of the force fast.. The boss's quite a fucker except he did me a favour for not charging me because I pleaded like mad to him. Damn it.. a mistake made once.. I'll nv repeat it again. Lesson learnt anyway.. ALWAYS cover your ass and NEVER overtrust anybody.

Thru the much trainings.. I've attained fitness I'd nv thought I could. I've pushed my limits once and many a times over what I had believed I can and Restricted myself to. 7mins 2.4..40 seconds laps of Free Style in 3 months when I couldn't even really swim previously. 5X500(<1min each) Intervals.. 6 to 19 chinups in 4 months. Memorising 500+++ lines of CRIMINAL LAW. Not Codings. Etc. etc.. so many of them.. It was amazing what a human can do when he Believe and Focus and really Do it with his heart. I've been thru that and I'm gonna keep that with me all of my life in EVERY thing I do. This is one invaluable gift I had gained in my NS life.

OH YES.. another small thing to note. I've learnt to curb my ego and anger and inprove my patience and my ability to think vastly too. =)

Last but not least.. I've seen thru many pple.. and worked with various kinda pple.. seen how bad pple can be.. and how unreasonable and slacking anyone Can be. How important it is to learn to slack at the correct times... Dun be over garang and say u noe this and that when u've been paid what u are NOT worth. Just do your best in what's given to you and above average initiative in small but significant stuffs. Perfect formula.

Oh yes.. how can I forget..
The happiest thing that happened beside learning how to swim and becoming a water baby is probably the reason for that to happen. Yups, it was my interest too.. but the main motivation factor.. My Dearie.. Samsam =)

When we first met at Fish and Co.. I was like White Chocolate.. Land Creature. Quite flat chested. haha.. It didn't seem like we're gonna be together at all. Really NOT AT ALL. lol.. it wasn't love at first sight.. it wasn't a physical attraction thingy.. cos we aren't good looking to each other. We know. hehee.. But I'm thankful Love works with wonderful ways and in the most unexpected manner! Somehow.. Mr Cupid find his way thru the many memories of the unpleasant pasts of ours and shot it right through Our Hearts in one line.. From then on.. til now.. we're still linked together.. only getting stronger. Thank God for that again. =)

Sam's a little temperamental.. moodswinger.. noisy at times.. crybaby.. grumpy girl.. she bitch.. she criticize alot.. she's got superb ego and pride problem.. she's got difficulty handling her anger.. she's down under notti. and she's always saying she's fat.. contradiction factors of low self esteem with looks but pride brings her to always walk head-chest-up and ever so proudly of herself most of the times..

I can name all the bad things of her.. because I accept her as who she is, its not because I wanna lodge a complain. I don't wanna keep saying my gf's perfect companion and the whole blog just blabbers abt how great she is.. I like reality even tho its painful and often cruel. Being in reality is great because it brings your feet to earth and you'll work your ass off in every aspect just so tat you can get what you want. That includes knowing her weakness and mine and then we'll work things out together. Nothing's gonna work out if we just see the beauty in each other and someday somehow a little thing breaks out of no where and the crack will probably last forever. I hope she sees the bad things in me too.. and shares it with me.. I promise I will either change.. or compromise.. or best of all.. make things work out for the both of us in a winwin situation.. work with me. Alrite? =)

She still buy food for me and ask me to sit down no matter where we go eat. I'm taking over.. but a li'l by li'l bit.. =) She's letting me love her more already. which is good. =) She still wakes up super early and come to my house to cook me something to eat and surprise me with the.. uh hemm... nvm..

Hee.. its still sweet and great. I pray that God will continue to bless us and our rs.. and also.. bless my dad and heal him completely thru the radio and chemo therapy.. I know through your might.. anything is possible.. Amen!

Alrite.. time to slp....
zzz..
Nites all..

Checkout~
Qing.

LS 123

2006-07-04T00:50:00.000+08:00

Heh.. finally.. I've passed LS 1,2,3!!! Officially!! hee.. Thank God for that!
Well.. some unhappy incidents happened.. but its all unhappy because I can't shrug off my ego.. I'm just gonna blog this down because it had happened.. I ain't blaming anyone anymore.. and dearie.. if you're gonna read this and feel angry or watever.. pls don't continue. Just skip this entry. I don't wan a quarrel but I need somewhere to vent it out somemore before I can continue to slp properly for the nite..

I repeat.. Its the same old shit I rapped to you thru out the whole nite after LS 123 and at the bus stop waiting. so please don't read if you know you're gonna feel angry or whatever. This is more than a warning. Because I don't want to quarrel. AND I DO NOT want to talk to an anywhere near sians diao dear because you read this.

My first trial for BM for lesson 1 of BM. Dearie was my victim and I swam 50 meter.. and towed her back.. when we reach at the end point.. timing was 3 min 07sec. Great. I thought. but then.. dearie told me she kicked all the way for me.. and I almost flared the hell out of her.. Seriously.. I can't take this kinda thing.. I can't afford to let pple say I pass because of her.. but thats not the main problem.

I am someone who is SUPERBLY PROUD of myself for being able to accept failure and then analyse accordingly to the gap I'm lapsing behind then work SUPER FUCKING HARD back to reach the acceptable standard set by YOURS TRULY.

When I heard abt the timing.. I was extremely glad that I used to take 4 mins.. but now even tho I slowed down at the first 50m, I still get 3min 7 sec.. but the overjoy turned immediately into anger when I found out that that was done with aid from my dear and not my own effort. and to make things worst.. it ain't TWO MINS 7 SECONDS... its onli EIGHT seconds away from the failure timing! Good God.. can you see how WELL I did?

What could have happened? I could have failed the timing if she didn't kick.. thats first. I might not have even been able to COMPLETE the whole 50 meter of towing if she didn't kick for me! She kicked the whole lap for me and yet I get 3 min 7 sec and I WAS PANTING when I reach the ending point.. God Knows How Hurting that is.

If I was given a chance to redo it again.. I'd have kindly asked her to not kick for me.. I am willing to accept the failure.. then work hard to get the gap closed.. But at the end of the day.. I ended with no idea how lousy I am.. but I know I am lousy..I don't have the gauge of how hard I should work. I SERIOUSLY HATE THIS FEELING.

I have no intention of saying good things to patch what I said above.. but I really do truly do and seriously do enjoy and most of all, APPRECIATE the love and concern and care and joy dearie has been blessing me with.. I understand each and every single good intention you had for me when you decided to kick for me so I can tow you better.. but as a matter of fact.. it wasn't better totally.. there were points where you kicked when i tried pulling harder and experiencing all the ways i can think of.. then you travelled too near towards me.. resulting in a lost of velocity and i was unable to catch up with the distance to create more distance for me to pull somemore.. and thus u felt like there was no pull. I've said this 10 times and I'm saying this again. Next time, if there's a test or whatever.. LET ME FALL IF I SHOULD FALL(if there's no teamwork needed and its all abt solo work). I FALL BECAUSE I DID NOT TRAIN HARD ENUFF. I EAT THAT AND I WILL TRAIN HARDER WITH THAT IN MY MIND. WHETHER or not its a trial or first playplay test.. I take Physical Fitness As my Pride and Life. "TO MYSELF: FUCK MY EGO AND PRIDE AS A MAN!" Okay?

--I'm losing it.. damn it.. Breathe. Continue 10 mins later.".

That aside.. I thank you for what you've done for me.. trying to make things better for me IN EVERY SINGLE ASPECT OF OUR RS AND LIFE. I thank you from the very depth of my heart.. because my love for you nv shaken.. and my love for you only grow stronger even thru these damn shit that we have to go thru.

Because its onli thru these damn shit that you gain 10% more than a 100% understanding of each other.

Because I'm serious abt you.. and I am practicing my anger management.. I knew dear was practicin too.. was surprised you actually apologised almost immediately.. I trust that you apologised because you knew what I feel. I repeat. I trust that in you. But I repeat all of those things i said again and again because I want to reemphasize and make things clear. So clear that it'll not happen again or maybe just 5% of our rs. I chose not to talk to you because I want to cool down. Not because I'm mad at you. Its part of the anger management thingy I sent you. If you've actually took the time to read it.. you can see I've been practicing them every now and then. I take this very seriously. because I know temper is very jialat between the both of us when either one of us flare up because of whatever bullshark reason.

Dearie.. if you're still reading this.. lastly, I hope you will not write a fight back blog because I will not discontinue to fight back due to my ego and pride. And then there'll not be an ending. All I ask for is your understanding that this is not a blog to scold you because the incident is over. I don't want this to have ANY adverse effect on you.

Before I end, Let me tell you something..

Dearie, if you love me, let me love you. Being too good to me will NOT work out.
Reason: As leos, we'll even try to out-love each other. Trust me. Even if we're using the reason that "I am so obsessed with you.. I just wanna love you more.." theres still a pinch of that leoistic charactor inside. I've been there.. and result? Both pple tire out. Gameover. understand ma?

If I ask to send you home.. let me do so. If I ask you if you want lunch, let me buy or cook. If I ask you if you want me. Just tell me yes. okay? Tell me thanks and give me kisses.. that's enuff to show your love and appreciation for me. No need to do more things for me. There isn't even a need to say I love you every now and then.. because love is felt thru heart.. I know you knew and feel it too.

Can you hear my heart? thump-IThUmp.. .. thUmP-THUmLP.. ThuMp-TOhUMP.. ThumVp-thUMP.. thuEmP-THump ThuMYp-ThUMP ThuMp-TOhuMP ThuMp-ThUMP...

Muacks.
Qing.

Me.

2006-07-03T01:36:00.000+08:00

Sigh.. so much for trying to figure out a Date function.. damn it.. I really hate IT.. it just get slips out of mind sooo easily esp. when you stop practicing for a while..

took like... 1hr? to figure out how the date function can actually works.

Hate to waste time like this.. but I just ain't some lucky guys with photographic memories.. Just wondering.. they have photographic memory but do they have virtually unlimited disk space? or do they die off just like harddisk? lol.. lame. maybe not. maybe some pointers to ponder at 1.33am right now. oh. wat a special time for me and her. =)

Anyway... Dearie has been really sweet.. she comes to my home at 10.. which means she left home at 8.30 or 9. Which means she wakes up at 7.30 or earlier.. just to come my home early and see me. cook for me.. so that the day start out in stylish greatness which i can delight in. Love the breakfast she makes.. even tho she says the ham and egg and cheese crepe is a success and looks like one.. i seriously love them. After breakfast was served.. the DeSsertS were even better.. grin.. shall leave that to your own imagination.

anyway.. wats more? she cooked lunch for me too.. i was supposed to cook but i went to shit. damn my bowel. Sometimes I feel that its almost impossible for me to meet someone like her.. I've typed this before previously in my previous rs.. but seriously.. i've nv been loved THIS WAY before? This is the very first time I feel unconditional love thats OOZING and Overwhelming. Yes, I'm a christian.. but screw me if you disagree and I won't even bother to look at your face when you speak. She's my top priority in life now. Without her.. where will I be? I thank god for blessing me with her.. but seriously. I live a reality life. Not in the realm of God. Understand what I say or forget them.

Yah.. and bad news. my dad's cancer is in the third stage..
Good news.
Third Stage = cancer cells spreaded to other organs or parts already. So since throat cancer affects vocal cord and vocal cord is like less than 5cm from larynx.. its much easier for throat cancer to spread there. so the equation goes Spreaded/Grow bigger til it overlaps another part = Third Stage. Which means it may not be as bad as other cancer's third stage.

I sound like I'm consoling myself but I'm gonna get it checked out tomorrow afternoon. I hope I can get the information that I need. At least find out from a doc what he can eat and what he can't. what I should do to help and what I can help.

He's my dad. the one I'm thankful for dragging his tired body to work every day and nite just so i can have rice and even bread to eat. Without him, I won't even be here typing with singlish. Forget abt chinese.. forget even abt any literacy. I mean Any.

Mum's stubborn.. Mum loves Dad.. I can Look Listen Feel that. so does dad and everyone else on the table.. but she's just a simple minded lady/girl/woman. Dad just impress me so much whenever he can understand things at the level which awes me like I've nv thought he's such a great understanding and impressive person. I guess he's mind is as charming as his look.. now.. more.

I seriously pray that He'll bless my earthly dad and let what the he says the doc says(he can live another 20 yrs if he get it treated.) become real. Because I would really love to repay him with his love for me x 10 if possible. x 9 for my mum. Unless she gets enlightened one day.
Amen x 100.

God bless me and dearie samsam and our rs too.. I really don't know what else to put into words except being thankful.. worried.. loved.. happy.. tired.. conscious.. stone and probably sad in some way.

ORD is coming soon. =)

Hope BM comes as soon too. hee..

LG. Life Guard.

Qing.

2006-06-28T09:24:00.000+08:00

thanks dearie for the nice fluffy fatty pillow!! had such a comfortable night sleep yesterday despite weird ghostly & other kinds of dreams.. ha..

very surprised dear actually buy me a pillow for 6th month.. quite weird but i like it!! =p so cute n silly of deardear to spend so much on a pillow but its very sweet!

muacks.. thank you so much darling..

Love.

2006-06-27T08:08:00.000+08:00

early in the morning,
i miss dearie right beside me..
i know she's fine and happy..
because i just called her..
still, i miss her like crazy..
its kinda dumb..
love's kinda dumb..
its kinda stupid..
love makes us all stupid..
the purer it is.. the more stupider we becomes!

Well, has been sick for days.. but i dun wanna waste today sleeping.. thus i just thought of waking up to update my beloved blog. sorry, i mean Our beloved blog.=)

6th Mthlyversary has been really special.. because i got to stay over at dearie's home..(I didn't bought any present. How great!.. sorry dearie.. still in the making... hee...).. it was most surprising(almost shocking) that dearie actually did a collage of our neoprints! haha.. how sweet! seriously, it may be no big deal to some of you out there, but to me.. its God Damn Special. I've nv cried on the spot while receiving presents from my friends or even love ones before.. but because of her, I had another "first time" in my life. It felt Superb!.. when I receive the present, we were in her room.. She led me there, opened the door and I saw the collage on the bed! haa.. so sweetsweetsweetsweetsweet~! But I forgot the CD.. =p then we snuggled on the bed despite her cousin Miss Van and Sister, Gene was still outside watching the show Rumour Has It!.. hehee.. then before I knew it... my tears dripped while looking at the pictures and the little little writings.. she was huggin me from behind.. somehow, so magical.

"Love is~ The closest thing we have to Magic!" ~ Quoted from Aquamarine! - How True!! heee..

Yeap.. indeed, I'm the happiest man on earth now and I'm feeling super super happy and delighted despite feeling sick and having diarhea for numerous days.. How blessed.

I think its time I go toilet again.. hahaha.... keep entry short oso cos dearie like it short!

Before that, Let me just announce something..

Dearie! You're the best! and the next closest best person I can get to a Superwoman!

I am SO IN Love you...

May I wish us happy 6th Mthlyversary again and happy til the end of time! =)

Checkout~
Qing~

Fad?

2006-06-22T23:53:00.000+08:00

baby accompanied me to have dinner with my secondary school friends just now. haven seen them for ages man. we shared salad, spaghetti and mudpie..

sweet =)

even though he was feeling unwell from the persisting migrain and stomach upset, i think he felt better during dinner. darling even met his ex's(gwen) sister sitting on the next table. what a small world..

had a nice 'catch-up' chat with the girls.. realised that its pretty easy for JC students to enter local universities unlike the unfair 5% intake for polytechnic students like us. *grunts* but well, i chose the poly path.. i should stick with it and make further good developments with it!

we were discussing about why jessica didn't change since secondary 1 when she started studying in singapore. she left sg before taking O levels and left for states to further her studies. indeed, she hasn't change much.. her dressing and the way she look and talk is still e same. but i found out she's such a genius! she persuing a degree in philosophy now and shes scored a GPA of 3.85? goodness.. she's smart man.. considering how she enjoys herself and of course, slack. haha..

as for yulian and cecilia, they still look the same. except cecilia puts on make-up now and she couldn't leave her handphone aside for more than 10 mins? lol~

apparently, they say i still look the same since secondary school. wasn't really expecting that considering i'm so much happier with the way i look now and my lifestyle *glees*. kelly is the amazing girl. she lost so much weight during her JC days, i think almost 20kg? and she's accepting in the engineering faculty of NTU. really happy for her..

from left to right: Yulian, Cecilia, Jessica, Me & Kelly

hmmm.. is massive weight loss a trend now or what? here are some real-life examples..

1. kelly lost an amazing 20kg
2. cousin jaslyn weighs 38kg now (heaviest-52kg, lightest-35kg & she's only 14 this yr!)
3. beloved darling looks so much fitter and muscular now compared his younger days when he looks like a balloon?
4. my ex, edmund, who used to weight 100kg in primary school but weighs i think 70+kg now?
5. olinda cho from the previous season of singapore idol slimmed down so much with the aid of a slimming centre in singapore

so incredible right? its really delightful to know these people's successful weight-loss stories. i mean its really for their own good that kinda thing. they surely feel so much more confident with themselves now. they are much fitter and most importantly healthier now cos there are lesser/no fats clogging their organs now.

the main point of this section entry is I'M JEALOUS OF THESE PEOPLE! i want massive weight-loss too. i have loads of fats to lose man. i wanna look better.. i wanna be able to fit into more beautiful clothes.. i want more confidence!

BUT.. i love eating.. yes i love exercising too.. but i'm still kinda lazy in some way..

ha.. see? so many BUTS.. all excuses and crap.. LOL..

never mind, i shall go to bed now.. tired.. period.

2006-06-21T22:20:00.000+08:00

c how sweet genevieve, vanessa and jaslyn are? they actually wrote these words out for us to pose for a picture =)

had so much fun slacking and playing at sentosa today.. thank god for e good weather despite rainy weather forecast for this entire week!

so dead tired at the end of the day. but dear's migrain came and never went away and he even turned slightly feverish the moment he went to see a doctor. =( he was feeling dizzy, blur vision and all.. quite worried so sent him home on a cab.

hope ur feeling better now darling.. think a major cause was u din have enough sleep at all the past few nights and you worked out quite xiong yesterday. have a good rest k?

sorry if i let u feel neglected a couple of times these days. u complained that i never ying ni when u called me. i'm really sorry for my negligence dear and that i wasn't attentive to you. like whilst playing volley at the court, i really din hear you calling me. sorry dear, i guess i'm lazy. somemore i accidentally hit your nose on the escalator today causing your headache to become worst. felt really bad..

thank you for your understanding and forgiveness. we know we both have bad tempers which are especially explosive when we're moody or tired. i'm glad we overcomed them without much hoo-hah. its good to be the way we are..! =)

Thankful.

2006-06-19T23:25:00.000+08:00

Dearie.. thank you so much for teaching me how to swim.. its thru you that I've picked up that skill and sport that I always wanted to master. You've also helped us paved a beautiful route to walk down together.. and I believe very soon.. as years go by.. we'll be walking down the aisle one day.. I noe I ain't dreaming.. as I grow up.. I get more sure of wat I want.. and wat things will work and wat won't..

I believe we can do it cos you're just like me.. and everything else that I've said before..

I just write this entry to say thanks to you..

and I Love You...

Qing.

2006-06-11T00:18:00.000+08:00

there u go darling.. e job opportunites u can try on www.jobcentral.com.sg

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IT services technical support officer:
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Web Master:
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ASP programmer:
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IT positions:
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resorted to pasting them here instead of sending u an email because i cant get any access to any emails!! so frustrating.. especially after chasing my sis off e com from hogging e pc for 8HRS over some stupid addictive bejewed game that awards nothing but tiredness even if u attained the highest score.

*yawns*

so tired.. sorry dar, cant accompany you tml(today).. but i'm sure we had a great time today ya? you are such a sweetie..

p.s. this is the least i can do for you. MUACKS!

u must b zzz now.. wished i could snuggle up to you and fall asleep w ya.. its stormy here now.. thundering rain should b coming.. yikes!! haha.. sleep well..

wish us sweet dreams tonight =)

5months.. 5days le..

2006-05-29T09:06:00.000+08:00

Heh.. it has been a great 5 months and 5 days so far.. between the leoistic us..

I reminisce the day when I proposed to her with the rings.. Seriously, I was really sincere and I was naive enuff to not tink abt failures.. some pple like to say I'm confident.. but.. not really, not at that instant when I decided to buy and bought the rings for her.

Road have been smooth and patchy and even rocky sometimes.. Yes, they're normal and I noe that they're normal.. I believe dearie noe too.. even tho I just got to find out that dearie nv reveal many of her bad points even to Ed previously.. I believe dearie's sensible enuff to tink and understand situations that happen.. and when u can do that.. its onli a matter of accepting what had happened and go on with life in the best way that you can from there. Its hard, of course.. Always easier said than done.

As the days go by, we got to know each other more.. and I'm more than glad to say that we're already on our road to a stable rs.. rough patches started arising abt a month ago when we knew each other so much better than compared to Day 1.. we saw many points for each other to change for a better person.. and when we fell while making those changes.. noticing that we took each other for granted in some ways.. we are always there to support each other. How great can a couple get than to be there for each other as and when they Can do it? I feel strongly that that is a great achievement so far for the both of us as a new couple. CheeRs to that!

I always believed that in a relationship.. there's more than MANY to compromise..advised kindly by one of my greatest colleague in my office. Its up to individual whether they want to do it.. and if they do, how they want to do it.. Some many couples did change.. but they did them blindly for the sake of the relationship or rather.. their want and need for each other in the rs. They don't see the point that the purpose of making the changes is for the person to become a better living person.. and by doing so.. the other party will respect and admire and love him or her more because he is a good person. In the first place, why you fell in love with the person have to be sparked off by the fact that you find him a nice person to be with or somewhere ard there. It is a thin line separating between changing for yourself and changing for the rs. However, I believe recognising it is more than needy.

When one change for the rs.. you'll find it tiring as time goes by.. because the rs is not you ultimately.. that applies to before marriage because I do not noe how after-marriage is like. When you make changes for yourself so you can improve to be a better person.. you will be more motivated because in the end.. its you who benefit the most.. because whilst becoming a better person.. you'll also be more respected and admired for by your partner.. thus nurturing the love and infatuation in each other.It sounds kinda selfish.. but I think one's growth to be a better person is more important now for youngsters of our age.. esp. the guy.. for the ladies are always more matured and they look far into the future..

It is important to noe what you're changing into and for what.. and not just blindly do it for the other. In the end.. it may not even end up being good because the girl may find you a person with no initiative to find out all those bad points and she muz be the one pointing it all out to you.. (you bet at that point of time.. it'd have been damn lots of things mentioned by her already that has caused her irritation at tat point to mention that the guy is a guy of no sense of initiative for self-improvement.

If one truly love the other.. and he always plan for the future ahead.. I think he should be changing for a better himself.. and the other partner is not wrongto mention abt things that she kan bu shun yan. IT APPLIES TO THE OTHER WAY ALSO. (In cap because the whole article i seem to be aiming at guys. but i'm not.). In a rs.. both should aim for it to be fruitful and besides indulging purely in bliss that usually only last for 3 months if nothing is done to nurture even deeper emotions and passion.. By making the rs fruitful in positive gains for both parties.. it'll definitely spark more interest in the rs for the both of them. =)

Darling.. I'll like to tell you that the above is my thoughts.. not my expectation of you..and pls do not feel obliged to agree.. just comment on it and we'll work things out together, like always. Okie?

I dun enjoy the quarrels with you.. I noe you dun too.. but seriously.. when I think abt it on another view.. on how the outbreak and noticing of each other's bad points will pave the future for us (that is if we both do make it to change for the better thus maintain the admiration and passion and affections for each other la..).. I can't help but feel delighted to have that outbreak that made me realise wat kind of person I am and what I should change so I can be a better man for myself, my family and you.

One good thing abt us.. we dun quarrel because we got moodswing.. when one person have moodswing.. the other's always trying to compromise to ease things down.. you're not the onli one who have moodswings, my dear.. =)
Also.. when we quarrel.. we sort things out properly.. we dun hide it inside too much.
We Listen.
We express ourselves well.
We are Madly in love(Just like other couples) but the best thing is.. We're Conscious! =)

Darling.. you've made me realized I've been quite a demanding person.. and even tho those I demanded are mostly changes for your temper and way of doing things.. I believe I should hush you down when I say things to you.. I'm sorry for being harsh sometimes.. and I'm sorry for not wiping your tears away sometimes.. you noe the reason why.. but still. I feel sorry about it cos it hurts me to see you tear..
You've also made me realized that I'm very stubborn.. and I like to have things my way.. characteristics of Leos.. but still, I'll make an effort to compromise as and when things are compromisable.. oki? Promise cannot take for granted le o.

I'll try my best to appreciate your hushing wheni'm down.. at least I'll acknowledge it and tell you it won't work, nicely. if its not gonna work oki? If cases like tat occurs.. I only need you if you're by my side.. to accompany me quietly.. I'll be getting over it myself.. =)

I will try to be more on abt trying things oki..

Dearie.. all in all, Thank you for making me a better person.. I hope this will continue as the rs mature.. and I believe if it does.. it will continue in a better fashion than now. As this is abt the first rough patch we walk thru.. its definitely hitting us harder than expected.. now that we noe the root problems.. we'll soon make a turn and approach the smooth and soft grassland again.

Trust me.
If you love me, Let me love you.

CheckOut~
Ray.

2006-05-24T09:19:00.000+08:00

happy 5th monthlyversary darling!!

so nice of u to call me to wish me happy 5th month e past midnight and 1st ting in e mrng.. n u wanted to call me @ 1.33am initially becos tts e exact time on 24 december i agreed to be your baby..

*meLts!!*

2006-05-22T21:22:00.000+08:00

i swear NEVER to buy chocolates from poorly ventilated & old neighbourhood provision shops again..!

it so happened earlier today.. before we went for lifesaving training @ yck, we bought some sweets, a milo energy bar & a stick of ferrero mon cheri chocolates from a provision store. this store has been surviving several yrs already.. looks very old n feels very warm inside..

but..

never did we expect..

e moment i opened e milo bar, i saw a maggot & a tini black bug on e chocolate!!

EXTREMELY DISGUSTED!

nvm.. we thought e mon cheri was ok cos the 4 pieces of chocolate were individually wrapped.. 2 pieces passed our inspection so we consumed them..

assuming nothing was wrong, i opened e 3rd piece.. to my horror, i saw a MAGGOT crawling inside..

what the..

yUcksYuCksyUcksYucksyUcksYucks!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yet, another lovey dovey entry.

2006-05-18T09:36:00.000+08:00

It was a really sweet afternoon spent yesterday.. We met up for lunch after my physiotherapy session and we had subway! Expensive but its quite a healthy indulgence once in a while so its alrite. =) Went harbourfront and thats my first time walking ard that huge spacious shopping center..

Haven't been shopping in a while and dearie saw quite afew things she like.. We settled in this ExxE shop that splits into two outlets at the same floor (side by side) cos we both saw sports wear and fashion wear inside! hee.. So cool.. dearie saw this yellow top which had the word holland printed on it.. Had its male version too.. but the first look of it turned mi off cos I dun really like Soccer.. haha.. Still, she insisted for me to try it on.. so.. okie lor.. haha.. mistre.. oops.. i mean ma'am says try.. so i try.. XPp...

Thought she look really great in hers.. and I first thought I looked pretty sucky in mine.. but on second look.. it looked like a basketball jersey used by Safra last yr.. just that this is made of cotton material. haha.. =p Oki lor.. chest bigger liao.. so wear liao not bad la.. I wear XL liao.. and I'm onli 1.65.. duh. (=.=).. Dearie wanna think abt it before buying even tho I was quite insistence abt it cos we can have our first qing lu zhuang.. ahaha.. I noe dearie didn't like it cos she told me it was cheesy.. but hack la.. hahaa..

and So we walked ard.. went to get my glove in the second Exxe shop and then we went to toilet.. and then we went back to the shop again! hee.. and I decided to get her the top la.. since I dunno wat to get for her as a sweet gift anyway.. haven't been sweet to her recently i thought.. yah.. been pretty nasty and all and she tolerated all those! hee.. she deserves some reward! =).. Think she like it la... lets wear it out one day.. next wednesday it should be. =)

Sometimes.. I feel that dearie looks like a big baby.. esp. when she pouts.. showing this cuddly cute face.. haha.. huggin her gives me much peace.. i dunno why.. some pple may tink i que fa mu ai.. but i oso heck la.. i onli noe i am so madly in love with her.. yet sanity still can show its presence when I am so "Mad" already. I believe it all attributes on the fact that I can be my true self when I'm with her.. Without the need to fake anything.. such as liking for some classical music... trying my best to be not vulgar.. trying to be serious when i can't.. can't be crazy when i want.. all those restrictions are long gone since my days got candied by my sweet loving dearie...

I dunno how to cherish her.. enuff.
I dunno how to love her.. enuff.
I dunno how should I treat her.. so that everything's enuff, enuff enuff.

I remember Kim Po ask mi.. "So this shirley girl.. she loves you more or you love her more? how do u feel?".. My reply was "I think the same la.. where got more one.. can't have more one la.." and My THOUGHTS was exactly the same at that time as how I felt.. cos I've nv felt such overwhelming care and heart-warming fuzzy feeling before.. probably cos I gave too much last time. Now I've found it.. I know it.. and I am experiencing it.. and I aint letting go! hee.. I'm so happy.. I should be the happiest man in this whole world if not for my so many other problems in my family that I have to think abt...

I love you, dearie..
I love my mum and dad.
I love my brother.
I love my life. No, not really. but .. +.+.. =)
I love my brothers and sisters who are always there for me when I need them.

and I love God. For I believe without Him.. I won't be blessed with 10ADs + 10A+ + 7Bs + 3Cs and 1D+ despite have 5 subjects to add up to 17 points in 'O' that sucks and 201 in PSLE(Didn't study at all! =p)..! hee.. Kidding la..
I love God for his unconditional love.. I hope that I can be the happy-go-lucky guoqing again like when I was with Gwen cos I won't fa pi qi at all.. but to add on.. I wanna retain all my maturity and ability to think and use cold hard logic to fight my anger.. I wanna improve anger and mood and stress management.. Most importantly.. I hope to love dearie more.. and I hope to love my family more too... I hope I can show it to them too.. cos action speaks louder than words.. and action is more important than how i say down here. =)

May God bless my family and I and my dearie with good health and fitness and love and happiness! Even if its in the simplest form, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you've done for us.
Amen. =)

Checkout~
Ray.

Temperamental.

2006-05-14T12:37:00.000+08:00

Seriously.. I duno wat's getting into my head.. I'm getting rather temperamental and my mood goes up and down.. Is there too much worries in my head?

My family, My work, My life, My fitness, My health, My relationship getting sore from the little little quarrelS.

Very bad attitude.. Very petty.. and Very Very not me.

I was so afraid that the reason for failure in my previous rs with shir will occur with this. Dearie was really nice. She hugged me and I teared. She reassured me that she ain't shir and she ain't somebody who let go of her BF for his que dian.
Hao gan dong. I want so much to change for the better. Especially all these stupid mood and pettiness thingy.

I know dearie will stay with me thru out. I only hope I won't hurt her just 1 more than too much.. Huggiex.

I miss and love her.
Stupid fever caught me and I couldn't meet her for the fun training at Changi. Sigh..
Almost punched my wall til it cracked cos was so pissed off at myself disappointing dearie.. sigh.

Thats all for now.

Checkout~
Ray.

2006-05-11T12:41:00.000+08:00

p0or darling..he has been falling real sickly.. from cough to sore throat to headaches to flu. it has really been hard on him.

he is so freaking worried abt his dad's coughing related symtoms. it scary really. practically frustrating. cos his dad kp refusing to visit the docs! (even as i type this entry, i feel so infuriated at e thought of it). sometimes i really don't understand y e older generation ppl r SO stubborn. n i mean SO SO SO EXTREMELY stubborn. they kp saying they r okay when they are not. we young ppl are not kids anymore u noe? we do understand whats going on.

perhaps he fears doc visit.. but still, its better to seek medication early right? *sighs. heard abt jason's mom story just nw. super endurance mom man. incrediblely INSANE. hw can u tahan even a little bit of flash falling off yr skin while exposing your bones? its madness.

nice lunch with you dear. so happy you came to have lunch w me=) even though its only 40mins. bet u felt better releasing those frustration and worries too.

u must b sleeping peacefully now.. hope e medicine will recover u soon. so that u'll feel as fit as a fiddle tonight! yay... *excited*

we've so much to do..

we better plan our shop, gym, swim, bake, movie program soon.

2006-05-10T09:40:00.000+08:00

dear,my love4u gen ben bu wei da..u've done so much4me..my care4u,buying medication4u,goin2yr place is jus a normal show of concern. furthermore, u were sick. i jus did wad i could..

i know i love you alot.. despite several verbal arguments which resolved in less than30mins. i hate our sulky faces.. isn't it gd tt we resolve our disputes as soon as we discover them?

u held me so tight that evening.. ur patting kept me very calm.. e aircon was cold, but lying beside u alwaes feels so warm. it was surprising to know u din fall asleep w me.. u practically only hug me2ensure i slept well. e fact is u were sick then. yet u still held me tight,nt letting me go n nt resting yrself.

that is so sweet.. *mElts*

u mentioned about e future u foresee in us in e prev blog entry, i'm overwhelmed..

practically touched to tears.. i nv knew a guy would fall so much for me and want me so much.. furthermore, we're still so young. yet i hear such words coming from you..

i know that i am SO fortunate.. =)

Recent thoughts...

2006-05-08T21:30:00.000+08:00

Thoughts.. lots of them has surfaced.. problems too.. many has appeared but fortunately.. we're always able to solve them in due time...
One good thing abt the combi of mi and dearie.. is that we're the kinda couple who once got problem.. if dun solve before we end the session.. we won't let it go that kind.. I love it that way and has always been like this since my very first rs.. thats cos i believe if one problem got hidden.. many more will be too. and then as time goes by.. the rs will eventually die if all or almost all of them surface at the same time. I believe that's exactly wat dearie think also.. I tink dearie ain't amazed anymore that I can read her mind.. cos we're just so typical and alike. =p

Somehow.. I feel it very strongly.. that I want to be with dearie til we're really old.. yeah.. tat was how I feel in every rs and I believe everyone will do so unless they're those really practical and pessimistic type. Its an eventual thing.. but I just would like to talk abt how it is going about in my beautifully perverted mind. =D

I'm sick today.. a cough strike so suddenly that I din't even noe I'll be down so jialatly once I wake from the not-so-fulfilling sleep last nite. I thought I could pull thru and go to the LS session tonite.. Just now. but it got really bad.. was coughing and coughing.. even vomited.. and the first thing that came to my mind was that I hope to see dear! Kinda illogical.. but it just somehow worked that way.. I msged her.. with little hope that she'll come.. cos she really wanted to go for the training for her test next week or next next week.. It's gonna be a tough one.. plus she hasn't done her tutorial.. In the end.. she really came! It was very very sweet and touching for her to have helped me bought the medicines! I almost teared when I saw her but no.. I hid it inside myself.. I miss her so much.. I wish I can hug her at once but when she came.. she requested for a bath. haha.. so yah.. she bathed and then we ate dinner with mummy... found out that mummy dun have anymore close frens.. i was sobbing inside already.. i was tinking abt how to help her til now.. but my efforts are in vain. Anyway.. let me continue..
I helped her reformatted the survey form she wanted me to print.. I guess thats the onli way to repay her kindness that I appreciate so much and so grateful for. In the end.. we snuggled up to each other cozily and slept for about a short 30 mins.. it was pure bliss.. She slept well and I gazed at her dreamily thru out.. patted her pi pi as she slp.. I noticed that if I pat her pipi.. she'll sleep more soundly.. breathing deepens and she becomes more relaxed.. with no sudden jerking! hee.. so contented with that li'l short moment.. its really one of those precious moment I'll always cherish even until I grew old !

Well.. when it was time for her to go home.. then I woke her up.. and she unwillingly woke up a li'l but continued clinging on to me.. and so I decided to let her slp for another 5 more mins.. I noe how it feels.. cos I put myself in her most comfortable shoes that she was wearing just now.. =).. when she finally woke up.. I sent her to the bus stop.. and sweetly.. she insisted for me to go home and rest.. she knew that I really wanted to send her home.. but she didn't noe wat was in my thoughts just now..

As I held her hand and walked down the road to the bus stop.. I was imagining ourselves in the most gorgeous and neat suits of our life.. walking down the aisle.. and I could almost felt her tears from the scene of imagination.. rolling down her beautiful blushie cheek as I kiss her and say I do in front of our dads and mums and siblings. I felt so much mixture of feelings.. I dun wan her to go away.. I nv want that to happen.. I want her to always belong to me.. but upon that thought reaching my mind.. many scenes of my previous rs appeared too.. all of them left me in the end.. because of one reason or another.. There was overwhelming sadness in me whilst the blissfulness subsides and I watch dearie left on the bus..

I started tinking abt how I've treated her in these past few days.. I was so harsh to her in so many ways.. so petty because of her li'l bluntness and care for hygiene and I even put her in some difficulty state in deciding for the coaching of some indian guy. I admit I was sick all these while and thus my mood was down.. but I can't help but to blame myself for being so bad to her.. I noe its a once in a while kinda thing and no rs is perfect.. but wat if these happens at those critical times when feelings are fading as time goes by that kinda thing? It'll probably cause a downfall of our rs that no one could save!

Some tells me that being able to tink abt that even before that happen is considered mature already. But so wat even if I could do that? I failed in so many rs despite being a good guy most of the times.. its these emotional turmoils that kills almost all of them. I dunno wats the use of crying now.. it makes my throat hurts more and cough more.. but I feel SO SO SO BAD. ='(.. I wish I could turn back time and controlled a li'l bit more.. I am lucky to have dearie.. who's understanding and loving and everything!.. and I wish and hope and pray that this rs will work out well.. I really wanna grow up more and stabilize my feelings more! so I can be a true man she can rest assured upon. Its not that I'm rushing to settle down.. but my love for her seems to be burning like crazy.. and everything in this rs is wat I had always dreamt of! Even when I was with shirley.. I had to wear a mask all the time.. cos the real me ain't accepted by her or her frens. When I was with gwen.. I was just a mere immature boy. when I was with those earlier.. the more immature I was!

Now that I know wat I want.. truly noe wat I want and I ALREADY HAVE IT! I really hope to not lose this opportunity and blessing in my life..
I want to cherish her with everything I have.. Just like how I wanna love my family..

I dun wan to end up in the previous states where I cried for help to God and Ghostly demons but no one answered to my call to revive my previous loves. I must admit that it was because of my emotional instability that caused the heaviest blow on the previous rs with those that I once loved. I dun wan that to happen again.. and I'm pretty afraid that things may be beautiful now.. turning ugly could be just a split second later.. those three incidents had already shown how it could happen if care wasn't taken of each other's emotions in these short 3 days.

Let those be lessons we can learn from.. and let the above sharing be read among those who care.. esp. dearie.. I hope dearie will share your thoughts with what I said above too...

Once again, I Thank you for your love, dearie..

Checkout~
Ray.

lyrics..

2006-04-21T23:49:00.000+08:00

Tired of searching for it.. since its our favourite.. here it is. =p

曹格 - Super Woman (Lyrics)

Early in the morning
I put breakfast at your table
一夜都没睡但我不曾如此清醒
我早餐准备了你爱吃的东西
这次换我等你被咖啡的香味叫醒
想要找回每天早晨对我微笑着的你
还能够做些什么代替我的歉意
总是望着我小心翼翼顺着我呼吸
而我竟然理所当然让你精疲力尽
(Chorus): You were my super woman
安静地在身边无条件给我梦寐以求的温柔
but I am only human
我怎么不懂你多寂寞残忍地犯了错不能失去你
oh babe~~
You fought your way through the rush hour
try to make it home just for me
月光下紧紧靠着彼此只求夜深一点
有多久没有好好看你只是认定了我
无论在什么时候回头都有你的笑容
是我忽略了你也会有想要哭的感觉
没有一种付出应该永远心甘情愿
再给被宠坏的男人最后一次机会
换我忍耐换我等待不要真的弃权
(Chorus) You were my super woman
安静地在身边无条件给我梦寐以求的温柔
but I am only human
我怎么不懂你多寂寞残忍地犯了错不能失去你
Oh babe~~是我把爱想的太简单
以为只要我存在就能让你取暖
心里唯一的super woman 没有人能代替
不能想象更不能原谅这样让爱化成灰烟
you were my super woman
安静地在身边无条件给我梦寐以求的温柔
but I am only human （可惜我只是一个只是一个人）
我怎么不懂你多寂寞残忍地犯了错不能失去你
if you feel it in your heart and you understand me
stop right where you are, everybody sing along with me
you were my super woman
安静地在身边无条件给我梦寐以求的温柔
but I am only human
我怎么不懂你多寂寞残忍地犯了错不能失去你
you were my super woman
安静地在身边无条件给我梦寐以求的温柔
but I am only human
我怎么不懂你多寂寞残忍地犯了错不能失去你

Checkout~
Ray.

Run.

2006-04-19T10:05:00.000+08:00

lol.. I clocked my last 10 click on the shoes last nite.. Batok to nature park.. up the slope once.. wanted to go 5 times.. but after reach the top.. something stupid happened so i decided not to go for the 4 more times. Upon reaching the bottom of the slope.. Was already quite breathless.. (the slope's abt 100m and quite steep.) but there's onli two way to go.. Right is back home in 20 more mins of running. Straight will be an hr more. Took the straight road down the highway.. then to bukit timah.. reached johnson duck then I turn right.. ran on the road.. then down jalan jurong kecil and went back to bukit batok from the mosque side.. It was quite a run man.. ahaha..

Esp the later part of the run.. Felt like those shit times in Pegasus.. and my SGTs and Sir telling us to keep the morale high.. if we dun run happily.. and for fun's sake.. why for run? It should be enjoyable ma.. and thus I started singing as I run.. haha.. was like so out of breathe but yeah.. I ended the run with high morale. FEELING GREAT! hehe..

I quote from someone.. "Inside everyone's a long distance running machine that craves for longer distance.. haha.. seriously.. I've woke that little giant inside me before.. but it fell asleep after that 42 km thingy..now.. I can feel it coming out again.. I can't wait to go for another long distance run! hahaha.. but before that..I have to put my priorities on slope running for explosive power.. and swimming.. I must learn to swim better... Can't even save myself.. how to save others? Lifeguard? haha.. dun be a laughing stock first ba.

I noe one thing for sure.

I can Do It.

Impossible is something of Non-existance in my life. Just like there's no such thing as stamina.. There's ONLY endurance in my lung and every single strip of raw muscles. Sometimes I just think.. maybe those fats ard my tummy are actually essential.. thats why they are stored there no matter how hard I try to remove them. 1 Fats = 2x energy of 1 Carbo o. haha..

Call me garang monster again.. for I will ROCK THE PHYSICAL TEST ONCE AGAIN. 8Min, Here I come.

Checkout~
Ray.

Love.

2006-04-13T08:43:00.000+08:00

Finally went to have our neoprints taken yesterday.. haha.. got my pay le! hophop.. actually still quite tight.. but nvm.. I shall shrimp and save this month.. with the help of darling! hee.. Oki oki.. we went to seiyu yesterday to get her dad's present.. I shall not disclose it here else Dorifish who may read this will big mouth.. =p

Met dearie after work at shaw center.. Worn a bodynits VNeck white tshirt.. li'l body huggin.. but I'm personally quite okay with how I looked in it.. big shoulders do well. hehe.. Dearie worn white shirt, green skirts and white shoes! Same as my white top, army camo shorts and white slippers! =p No plan o. haha.. chemistry~

Limed(lemon tea.. not wine ma.) and Dined at CREATION. Seriously, its so far the best spag restaurant I've ever eaten at. Affordable ones. After that.. we walked to Parco.. while streaming past Bugis Street, we saw some nice shirts! hehe.. tempting.. but nah.. I don't need them now.. yupz.. took neoprints.. nice! hee.. then walked ard Seiyu and we got that present for her dad in less than 10 mins time.. haa.. afterwhich, we walked ard the level below where we took neoprints. Saw nice dress from Billabong wo.. dear tried but her assets don't really allow that dress to flaunt it.=p too.. ehem.. nvm.. =p

we then we went back to Bugis Street to walk walk again.. saw nice bikinis.. but then always too small de.. haz.. sadsad la. but tinking abt the notti pic dear took.. i think the blue bikini looks nice wo. =) can buy.. hmmiez.. wanted to get wallet for bro too.. but cant get anything nice leh.. so gave that a skip..

Ate ice cream.. cup mixed de! 80cents onli.. haha.. so long since i last tasted such cute and cheap indulging bliss..=p dearie ate all the chocolates! hmph! =* *pouts*. Corn's nice too anyway.

Well.. something happened at Seiyu la.. but.. haha.. thats between me and dear.. =Pp.. hehee.. we'll c..

O yes.. the wait for the MRT is so sweet too.. hah.. dearie like my man-made chair ma? Stable rite? can adjust height also.. haha.. got seat belt cum bolster too! =p if you like.. I can always do other times.. haha.. exclusively for you. =)

Checkout~
Ray.

update.. II...

2006-04-10T11:52:00.000+08:00

yesterday aint a beri good and nice day afterall.. tink i'm just not very used to slacking and wasting time at home... room activities aint fantastic.. and we actually ended the day with a quarrel... luckily i manage to cool down and control the situation a little then we end up with peace. heh.. dearie emotion very very hard to handle. haha.. tat we both must admit.. just like my stubborn-ness.. good news - we noe them and we're attending to them. bad news - they're like the second from the top serial rs killers. haha.. whichever way it is.. i noe we're gonna overcome them.. its gonna be a tough journey.. but sam aint like any other i've met.. she has the same stubborn-ness that i have.. and the determination factor aint something shak-able. =)

seriously.. i'm glad that dearie can open up to me.. even more than she does to her parents. Shows the trust she has in me. The way we're working the rs.. our rs can be a duplex sharing committee.. its a really cool thing.. because many couples breakdown due to inability to communicate.. we removed that possibility totally with our liberal and open nature.. we basically communicate every single thing we could and had in our minds and hearts and life. However.. greedy me feel that this isn't really good enuf yet.. because to forge an undying love.. it aint just a 4 months effort kinda thingy.. we would always have to keep complacency out of sight and always remind ourselves to be appreciative... I dun wanna lose anyone before I even start trying to cherish.. I've lost enuff.. and its too immature a trait to be picked up by me. I hope you agree with me, dearie.. =)

Another tot that came to my mind.. guess wat.. I'm going to ORD soon.. but before that.. I have to get my physical up and going.. within this one month.. 3 test to go. actually within less than 2 weeks.. i'm gonna have a weapon handling test! heh.. how cool rite.. =p then ippt.. tink i'm gonna fail my chin up with my wrist like that.. bad bad.. really bad.. gotta make it heal fast.. need to run and get my speed and stamina back.. gonna run hills later.. aint gonna be easy.. been trying to mentally build myself up since i woke up. Aint no time to slack anymore.. i wanna get my pacs back. and firmer body.. I noe i'm strong enuff to bump off guys now.. but I aint strong enuff yet. for myself.
Time to train up baby.. so exciting.. Always say wanna train but no time.. now got time le.. i must jiayou. next week start LS too.. so cool 2 months time i will have LS 1,2 and 3. Give me another 2 months which is abt august or september.. i will have my BM. then i'll be a fucking LG! haha.. how cool man.. haha.. =p

Life's so cool.. it rawks~
in the sense that its rocking up and down always. LOL... =p

Anyway.. before I end.. I did a tibetian personality test.. haha.. quite fun.. but ok la.. quite true to some extent.. of course the answers are factual but when situation alters.. human changes. =) especially for question one's answer.

QN 1) Number the following animals 1 to 5, Horse, Tiger, Pig, Cow, Sheep. in anyway you want.

1, Horse - signifies family. - Yeah. thats damn true but if I measure it with my dearie sometimes it changes.
2, Cow - signifies career. - Thats wat every man should do. If mindset aint this way, no woman loves you.
3, Sheep - signifies love. - This can be top in anyway. Situation changes the priority. but factual aspect, yeah. this is still politically right.
4, Tiger - signifies pride. - Yep, I've learnt to let it down. thanks to ah loy kor.
5, Pig - signifies money. - Wo shi jin qian wei fen tu despite I see money as an impt need in life.

QN 2)Write down a word to describe each of the 5 animals below.

Dog, Cat, Rat, Coffee, Sea.

Dog - Loyal - Describes my own personality.
Cat - CuteSexy? - Describes my partner's personality.
Rat - Dirty - Personality of my enemy.
Coffee - SensualSweet? - Its how I interpret Sex. haha..
Sea - Beautiful - Implies my own life. =)

QN 3)For each of the 5 colors, Tink of a person who also knows you and is important to you and write it down.
Yellow, Orange, Red, White, Green.

Yellow - Yikang - Someone I will never forget in my life. (Unless I got si yi zheng.. amnesia is it?=p...)
Orange - Jingfu - Someone I consider my true frind in my life. (How true? haha..)
Red - Samsam - Someone I really love. (No doubt.
White - Gwen - My twin soul. (Pls dun be jealous, dearie..=p)
Green - Tejman(Nepal bball fren~) - Someone I'll remember for the rest of my life.

haha.. so bored now.. can't work cos server down... sianz..

Checkout~
Ray.

update~

2006-04-10T11:41:00.000+08:00

like so long nv update sia..

firstly.. BBall match..
Sat was the two on two thingy.. it was a pretty pretty lousy day for all three of us(J, Z and I).. Z called me up and I managed to wake J up despite he went out drinking with Z's bro the nite before til 3am!.. haha.. then we both were late but still went for breakfast aftr meeting Z.. Supposed to reach there at 7.30.. in the end.. we reach at 8.15.. haha.. nvtheless.. we still slacked and waited while the KS sg pple queue up like nobody's business..

Okok.. Game 1,
It rained.. how lucky? noe wat? the rain stopped immediately after our game! hahaha.. shit the rain man.. Z and I only managed to pull it to 7-5.. basically cos I'm too helpful and he's too.. well.. individualised on that day. got gf ard's probably the reason ba.. can understand la.. cos gf dun usually watch him play one la.. and bball's the place where he can really show wat he has.. if i wasn't injured.. i'd have probably been more selfish too.. but since I got my left hand injured.. it just felt really wierd.. and thus went ahead to do all the assisting roles. the ball didnt get in despite various attempts by Z.. haha.. anyway..Got quite afew opportunity to shoot and get the points back at par or even win.. but he didn't see me. haha... too bad~

Game 2,
Z went for lunch.. and did not get back in time.. J and I got onto court instead.. we Vs this guy that I really wanted to qie at AND1 3on3 and he's piggy fren who can't jump but is "all-rounded".. yeah.. from head to toe. all round. hah.. Lost because tactic used wrongly.. in the first place.. the guy already wanna qie me.. once the game abt to start.. he told his fren to pull away and play isolation. idiot.. see me small all wanna eat me. but I was also tinkin "well.. its good time I try myself out on him..".. yep.. and J went to guard that Pig-mate of his. First ball.. J got smacked on his right eye and became seh seh.. second ball.. J pulled his right gluteas maximus(pi gu).. End up J kept kenna knocked away by piggy.. in the first place.. I admit I don't have confidence in his defence cos of the injuries he was sustaining. thus.. I kept going over to help.. then he'll pass the ball to that guy I was guarding.. and when I got back.. I often got faked by his move because I noe I can't jump higher than him.. in my mind - "only solution is to jump faster than him to block him before he reach his highest point.. or strip his ball off before he jump..".. however.. he did that 3 times in a row.. did a fake.. and I jumped like osama's fighter plane wanting to bomb USA.. idiot.. then he jumped up and got fouled.. when I almost landed.. he is still hanging in the air.. and then he just threw the ball in like some toy.. and scored. beep-fouled-And 1(Basket). That makes 4 points lost from my side. Defence wise.. thats abt all.. The piggy didnt gt to score much at all because J and me did well on him.. poor him got knocked onto by me for quite alot of time oso..

somehow.. on that match.. our opponents fly here and there.. haha.. orh-bi.. cos wanna eat me rite.. tink i small.. haha.. always come and knock me.. then ownself flew out and roll on the floor..
Was quite an experience for me.. because i proved myself that if that dunk guy were to qie me with his skill fully.. its not gonna work because my D's still good. despite the injury. hehehe... yes. I'm proud of my D.. it was once the best. and It is going to be again. =)

Lost 10 to 4. once again.. J was not able to see me at all.. visione of ball passing reduced greatly cos of the injury to the eye + stress of competition I think. and he rested too much. 6 hrs of waiting. no warming up at all. mentally not ready too.. was caught by surprise when they call us to play tot there was a game before ours.

Game 3,
Z and J vs two giants. Totally overpowered. Eaten raw and fresh in the paint area. both of them got blocked. it was quite awesome in the sense that I nv see Z got blocked before and J only got blocked by me and Kenny before despite years of playing. I rested because was realy tired.. mentally. to protect my left wrist yet play my best for the team.. it was quite tough indeed. plus I dint prac at all for the whole week.. I aint expecting much from myself. could have been better.. but yah.. suan le. It just wasn't us. J agreed while Z did not comment. Probably too eager to prove what he has ba.

One thing for sure I noe is.. we seem to always get pretty good fixtures when the 3 of us play.. always gt those can win one.. but somehow we just lose them due to not enuff pracs.

Having everything listed..I'd like to give tribute to Dearie.. She came down to support me too.. and I was really grateful.. cos she still wake mi up at 6.. and then woke at 7 and 7.30 to call me again.. where to find this kinda 24hrs filial gf? hahaa.. yah.. but sorry for the disappointing play.. it really could have been better if not for the injury and rain. I'd do better in the next one yeah. That's a promise to me and you. =) She video-ed 2 matches before rushing back to lesson... it was really very sweet of her... my love. bliss.

After everything.. i decided to still visit her despite the tiredness was rather overwhelming.. haha.. didnt talk much at all.. just stoned when i reach and see her teach lesson.. sit beside the pool.. got the urge to swim.. but then my leg don't obey.. haha.. can't even bring my legs to walk to the lift and go up to take the trunks to change.. but partly oso because its very wierd.. its still not my house ma. must behave. =D
had dinner at hg mall.. with her dad and mum.. haha.. quite sweet.. two couples.=p yupz.. end up quite a tiring evening.. sweet la.. but stil ltiring.. haha.. =p

til next entry~

Checkout~
Ray.

2006-04-10T10:12:00.000+08:00

oh dear i'm so damn freaking bored.. dear's office network server is down while i have so little thing to do at work.. my office also got two colleagues on leave today..

its my last week of attachment at Kim Eng securites(Finally!). gonna start school next wk.. so sick right... dun even have proper holiday noe.. somemore so far this 6 weeks of attachment, i'm only entitled to 1 day of public holidat which is good friday and the last day of my attachment.. practically no comments.. pay so low summore.. only $440 for the total number of working days in that particular month. i only got ard $353 for march.. where got enough?

feeling quite pessimistic.. perhaps partly because of yesterday's stuff. yes we did managed to solve our problems but i still felt pretty unsettled even after you sent me home ytd.. am i thinking too much or just feeling down?

i dunno.. but darling, u gave me a very sweet 'I Love You' declaration at 6.30am this mrng with tt sleepish voice of yours. hee.. can imagine hw u look w tt one-lined eyed sleepy face. cant even open your eyes cause your just too sleepy.. ha.. =p

2006-04-08T22:46:00.000+08:00

spent the entire morning till 3pm at town today.. went to see dear play the 2-on-2 basketball challenge open category.. his team members were his buddies jason and zhiming. they waited super long to play their first game la.. at least 4 hrs noe.. turned out the first match wasn't played very well.. weren't even playing like themselves! perhaps it was too shagged for them to wait more than 4 hrs just to play a match.

they were many other categories there too. the entire ngee ann city open area is practically filled with basketballers. young and old. men and women. pretty spectacular. or perhaps more like because i'm never seen a basketball 'league' before.

each of the BB-ballers team members played twice each. one of the more interesting matches i saw dear play was when he teamed up with jason. not long after jason got in, he got hit on the right eye & later even stretched his glutaeus maximus aka his butt.. poor chap, zhiming wasn't ard to replace him. there were several good chances to score a 3-pointer ball but missed. darling oso played well however, they lost due to a wrong strategy. they started out by defending the wrong opponents. dear shld haf defended the plump big-sized guy while jason defend the other. but i'm glad tt dear finally had a chance to play with e player w v gd ballsense.. he found out tt their standards r ard the same when he actually thought e guy was superior.

good experience for you dear. =)

i left town at 3pm for swimming classes.. the first thing i went down, i saw my student almost drowning.. gave me a bad scare..

whats really pleasant was in the middle of my class, i actually spotted deardear watching me teach. i din even expect him to come or reach so early! so glad.. =)

had a nice dinner and walk-around-mall after that.

2006-04-06T16:30:00.000+08:00

ben & jerry's..

our favourite!!
INDULGENCE!!

it so made our day.. darling had a hard tym waking up this morning.. went to bb polyclinic with the intention for an X-ray for his hurting wrist. poor him had to wait super duper long cos he went at around 9 plus 10.. met a f***ed-up doctor who does nothing but pressed his wrist to scan for injury and jus plainly let off by saying 'no fracture', 'will heal in 1 to 2 days'.

wth.. he injured it like 2 days ago? she even said there was no need for an X-ray. hw can there b nth wrong when even e slightest movements hurt?

after that f***ed-up visit to the doctor's, he came down to suntec4 lunch w me.. such a sweetie isn't he? had e nicest curry horfun @ suntec fd court AGAIn..

(note: i better stop all these feasting cause i'm just growing too fat fAt faT!!)
i fear it cause me health problems in future as well.. n yes, i wanna look better..

btw a can of crysanthemum obviously din help erase tt spiceyness of the curry.

we resorted to ice-cream.

decided 4 ben & jerry's instead of e healthy but delicious bravissimo.

its been ages since we indulge in this heavenly ice-cream. missed those days when i still worked at Police Academy(thomson rd) where we wld go novena square for lunch or dinner n chill @ e ben & jerry's store outside toys R us..

so far there isnt't any not delicious ice-cream flavour in a ben & jerry's store man.. the strawberry cheesecake flavour was fantastic. it had cheesecake base crumbs inside! i was so thrilled by it.. ( so much for sliming down huh?) tried 'fish-food' and 'mudslide' flavour too.. mudslide tasted exotic w alcohol n chocolate.. yummy!

wads so amazing about ben & jerry's ice-cream is it makes u extremely happy when u first put tt god-created ice-cream n let your tongue savour e heavenly taste of it..

ahhhhhhh...

wonderful~ =)

2006-04-05T23:46:00.000+08:00

thanks for your lunch trips all the way to suntec..

carl's juniors low-carb-chicken-club alwaes tastes so gd with you around.. w criss-cut fries to make it complete of course!

darling, you told me how enthusiastic u are to rear a couple of hamsters. ha.. i must admit that i ain't an animal lover! nevertheless, i'll support ur idea. i wouldn't mind watching the hamsters grow up under our hands =)

i hate times whereby our egos clash..

or rather mine 'dun-like-to-let-people-say attitude'..

*sighs..

after dinner@ my place, we actually spent an entire hour soaking in that chilly jacuzzi pool under the moonlight n occasional lightning flashes.. how i wish i can spent every night after a hard day's work.. how de-stressing & relaxing..

ur sudden joke of kneeing b4 me n asking 'will u marry me?' kinda shocked me.. ha~

its pretty romantic to bum away the night w u dear. no pun intended- HA.s...

snuggling with you on a cold night after bathing is so comfortable.. especially holding you in my arms as you pry yrself out on the couch.. i wish i cld snuggle you to sleep every night!

muacks!

Some thoughts...

2006-04-05T08:18:00.000+08:00

Firstly, thanks dearie.. you're really flattering me.. I aint that good la.. maybe abt 60% of wat u said is fully true of mi? so yah.. I really ain't fantastic.. just a plain person on the road whom speciality is to bullshit and make u laugh. hehehee...okie.. let me get started with this.. I am indeed very grateful to have found such a girlfriend.. seriously.. i doubt anyone should have anything against her.. except for her almost uncontrollable temperamental nature which is almost subdued for the time being(now left with herself to control~ :P).. and probably her mian zi wen ti~ haa..

Okay.. yah. thats about all that I saw for negative sides in her.. of course.. like everyone else is.. she have many sides which I have not seen and may not even get into contact with at all.. but Even tho the possible negative sides that she possess.. I always believe without a cause.. there won't be an effect.. without a stimulant.. there won't be an reaction.. thus I always try my best on my part to be a.. better man?

I believe most girls would wan a manfriend.. instead of a boyfriend.. probably a man with boyish feature.. cos everyone loves to go back to the past when they're young and lively.. but after some "research".. I can safely conclude that all matured girls/ladies will prefer to go with a manfriend. man - secure mentally, physically, financially and morally. Prove me wrong.Stupid girls and immatured ladies may not apply.

Anyway.. Sam has been a really wonderful girlgirl/laopo to me. Breakfast from hougang in the early morning of you noe wat time.. lunch at a dreadful hot 11.30.. dinner at after-work-7.. medicine for ulcers.. bandaging my toe when its hurt.. cut fruits before and after swims.. feeding me medicine and drink.. willingly ask me to sit while she go ard buying food from hawkers EVERY SINGLE TIME we ate together. You name it. Where to find this kinda gf? moreover.. she's a h** b**** that's almost ALWAYS h**** on you noe where.. and thus we always have real good times except for those times when we're both temperamental, that is. hahaha...

I admit there're bad times.. when she flared up for nothing then I just used my bo-chap or immediate sian diao kinda reaction against her.. then she'll worsen for quite awhile before both of us feel that thats enuff for the day.. then we'll hold each other's hand again.. and resolve everything with a little *muakx!*.. I think that's really sweet.. I quoted frm someone I really respected and whom I tot was a superb nerd and just a crazy mad programmer. Ends up, he's quite a sweet lover too. haha.. the quote goes.. "everytime you guys quarrel.. which time is it that both of you dun hug and solve everything with a melting kiss.?".. it ain't something great.. but for a person like him whom I thought was onli all abt programming.. thats almost everything i need to change the image of him that i had in my mind!.. heh. *respect*. more importantly.. I'm glad that it applies on my relationship now.. and its sweet and all..

I'm rather prepared for bad times to come.. for all the ugly moments to pop up out of nowhere.. because I noe it does.. and it ALWAYS do. Every single one I've went thru.. obstacles did not hide itself.. and rough patches were nv smooth. Reality is forever cruel but I always learn to take it in a "you need to be cruel, to be kind" kinda way.. I believe its a matter of time before trial comes and crash everything I said above and resulting in us having to rebuild everything again - From scratch.

I'm sharing this because I hope everyone out there who reads this blog by any chance can find an answer to your heart if you're searching for something like this. To put it commercially.. I'm just helping to make the internet a everything-oso-have kinda place which I always assumed it is (even tho I got disappointed for just a couple of times).
Its nv easy for things to pick up.. from wooing til having a rs with the girl you like.. it takes a lot of effort no matter which sides are the one chasing.. then the other side who fell in love subsequently (if truly fell in love).. will start to give alot to balance up everything that the chasing party has given to win his/her heart. by then.. everything is settled.. and cracks will start to appear if either or both party starts measuring love. Sometimes.. it'll have hairline cracks too which are not seen.. and will not be seen until both quarrels and the crack was raked up for the sake of winning the quarrel so u'll be on the "Right" side. (at this pt, i would like to say.. if both party dun be open to each other.. wats the point of having a rs? you should be open and truthful no matter wat thing it is to be shared.)..Then when everything breaks down during quarrels.. whether breaking up or not.. if they were to patch back.. its going to be from scratch again.. but this time.. it won't be as easy as the first.. because the flaws you see in each other has increased and it will definitely hinder the regrowth. There will be times when flaws outshine.. no matter how sweet a couple could be.. and thus.. i think.. complacency should be removed no matter wat.. being opened to each other during the relationship throughout will help reduce frictions.. and impacts of ugly flaws would not be as hard as if it was to be found out "suddenly".. or when times are hard. Trust me. when one's happy.. one onli see the positive things.. but when things turns nasty.. it would depend on how opened up you are to each other.. then the undiscovered flaws will be reduced and thus reducing impacts to the bad situation..
I hope that dearie who read this will oso understand.. and implement.. for the better of our future =)

Sometimes I think I'm too meticulous.. and systematic in everything.. but if I dun do so.. who will? SGC - Small Group Communication evaluated that I'm a devil's advocate.. haha.. i always point out the bad things de.. but who noes? wat i pointed out.. may kill.. but it may possibly drag dearie and me out of some bad bad situation next time...

they say.. maturity.. is about being optimistic. and that, I shall be. =)

No matter how harsh the road is going to be.. I will stay with you.. until we grow old.. until you dun wan me.. me will oso stick with ya! hee.. because with you.. the rough patches will smoothen.. not due to some supernatural thing.. but my love for you.. will cause me to smoothen it up.. even with the road is 10km and i onli have a little piece of sandpaper.. wo ye zhuo de dao! because.. Wo Ai Ni.

Checkout~
Ray.

2006-04-04T09:22:00.000+08:00

When my son and his girlfriend decided to move in together, she went to tell her parents, and one of the questions her mother asked her in reference to her daughter's relationship with my son was "Does he make you a better person?" What a brilliant question.

Johnny makes me a better person. He makes me struggle with some of my demons and come to grips with them. He also helps me fight them. The other night he thanked me for loving him and creating a family like none he had ever experienced. I am grateful he came into my life and love that I can support him.

The point is, you CAN be loved like this. You can also have hot hot sex. You DESERVE to be happy and content.

I wish for any of you who are going through hard times that don't seem to be getting better, and are scared of the road ahead, that you find the strength to believe in yourself and your needs.

i copied this from another blogger.. i thought its very true..

darling.. u made me a better person.. u noe i have a bad temper.. yet u help me subdue it.. yes i did blow up still at times.. but u talk me through it.. u wake me up from being angry at nothing, just throwing my temper just becasue i didn't feel good.

but thats not all.. u love me so unconditionally.. making me feel like i'm the most loved person in the world.. u allowed me to see my future with you.. n i noe its not gonna be dim.. because u are always there to guide me..

i have had hard times although they are nothing compared to yours.. but u constantly consoled me.. be it disputes with my family members.. getting upset over my brother.. studies.. results..

u r not only my lover..

u carry my soul..

i fully deserve what i have now.. i've walked out from my dark past.. n my future is now brighter than ever..

thank you dear..

I Love You

newfound goals

2006-03-31T12:34:00.000+08:00

i've set my mind..

I MUST work harder next semester, my results is so terrible, way below so many people.. how am i gonna even enter local university? dream on.

I should listen to lectures more attentively n not carry that bo chap attitude, thinking that i can always go back n look through to understand, which i nv did b4, only rushing all the previous chapters before CAs or exams.

I admit i took things too lightly..its gonna b my final yr in poly already.. i dun wanna regret! i have chose e poly route.. nw tt my JC frens have graduated, some did pretty well with scores of A A B.. can i even attain a gpa >3.0?

I dunno.. of course i hope i can.. but this is plain saying.. i got to put words into real action, and sustain this determination throughout the whole year. i know dear will support my thinking, but its me who's plain lazy! *sigh..

I HAVE TO BUCK UP NOW.. there's no time for regrets and no space to delay already.

besides studies,

i've found a new aim too. something that i've never done before, but i hope i can achieve it with my dearest darling. since last year there has been this tiny little voice inside crying out, yearning for attention, feeling it has what it takes to enhance and challenge my physical endurance. i'm not very fit considering that i can only swim. i dun even swim fast, needless to say sprint. but i can endure.. 30 laps.. 40 laps.. 50 laps.. used to do that very often..

saw singapore's triathlon webbie, pretty interested in the sept aquathlon challenge.. plan to take part in mixed cat w dear.. me swim, he run. as for e running part, he definitely CAN make it, afterall, he ran a full marathon of 42km before.. so proud of him eh? hee..

there's still about half a year to that competition.. n i think we have sufficient time to train for it.

dear's having a basketball 2-on-2 match next saturday.. jiayou o.. train hard.. play well ya? perhaps after that match we can start training for our next challenge =)

Lifesaving

2006-03-30T23:47:00.000+08:00

finally i thought, i can register and book my lifesaving distinction test next week. the test will be due in abt a month's time.

been quite eager chasing this final lifesaving award recently..

attended training @ SP jus now.. did not bring any long sleeved shirt n trousers so i was allowed to tow using board, to my amazement, despite my slanted swimming tt cuts across 2 to 3 lanes, i managed to attain a timing of 00:04:45!

indeed, i was happy, i noe i have to take into account my clothes removal time, swimming 100m with shirt on and increased difficulty in towing w a long-sleeved shirt. still, im thrilled. coach say my timing sure pass. hee.. anw my timing on monday @ Yck was 00:05:20, not bad, considering i dropped to a low 00:05:50+ from 00:05:20+ the previous time.

can't wait to complete this award..

Envious.

2006-03-28T01:24:00.000+08:00

Heh.. nothing could hide this feeling. I was envious of dearie.. getting so successful for a moment.. Esp. her career.. Her dad was of great help spearheading her into a great start. How abt me? Still pretty not-achieving.. How can tat happen?
I feel damn down.. I feel fucked up. But nah.. I'll just sleep it away.
Its not her fault.. Its just me being plain useless.
Academic results ain't everything. I'm still a poor chap. Not very knowledgable.. Very crappy.. Not very nice.. just very funny. totally lousy and plain Ken.

I feel like banging my head against the wall.. yeah.. ain't kidding.. but I should push down the ego and pride part. its so dumb.
but I can't help it!
its so dumb.
But I can't help it!
its So dumb.
bUt I can't Help it!
Its SO Dumb.
But I CAN'T HELP IT!

FUCK YOU GUOQING.
JUST WORK YOUR ASS OFF AND YOU'LL BE BETTER OFF THAN NOTHING.
STOP BEING ENVIOUS FOR IT BRINGS YOU NOWHERE.
STOP BEING STUPID TO GET UPSET BECAUSE IT WASTE TIME.

YOU USED TO BE THE BOTTOM OF EVERYTHING.. BASKETBALL.. STUDIES.. LOVE. EVERYTHING. BUT REMEMBER THE TIMES YOU CLIMBED FROM ZERO TO EVERYTHING?
So wat even if its lifesaving. I'll get wat I deserve soon. and I mean REAL SOON.
So wat even if I suck at bball for now. I'll be back soon. REAL SOON.
So wat even if I lose to her in swimming. I'll be there. and over. I WILL BE. TRUST ME.

Pick your ass up and work baby.
Break those limits once again.

BREAKTHROUGH.
IMPOSSIBLE - NOTHING.

Checkout~
Qing. - Unleashed.

fang xia.. fang bu xia...

2006-03-28T01:04:00.000+08:00

Sick.. yet again.. think this half a yr has been really a sickening year for mi... No idea why.. but nah.. thats not the main point of this entry. Couldn't slp.. thus I'm here..

I thought of giving up bball again.. because I won't have time for it.. but then.. going back to the court.. hearing the sound of the ball bouncing as pple dribble again.. hearing pple cheering for me again.. hearing the sound of the pple shouting "YES!" before my shot even reaches the basket.. It all pulls me back and made me think not twice.. not thrice.. but quadraple times of giving up this beloved passion of mine. Seriously.. this is the most long lasting relationship I've ever went thru besides all the so called love of mine that I've known previously and ended with some sad sad way. Seriously.. I hope it still goes strong.. I still wanna ball.. thats a fact I can't escape.

Well.. despite being sick.. I have no where to turn to.. and staying at home is just too boring.. thus I went to the bball court without any hesitation.. I told myself whilst making the decision to just go there and sit down.. but before I know anything.. I was dribbling that little long lasting passion of mine over to the court with my sneakers and gears on. When I reach the court.. as usual.. I get a warm welcome from the pple there... its always.. yeah.. ALWAYS a good feeling to have a place where you "belong to"...

Played three games with Zhiming and Jeremy.. once my junior.. now..he's so much faster and better than me.. but as the sore loser I was and still am.. I ain't gonna give up. Anyway.. it was rather pressurizing.. and I really did only wanted to go there and rest and enjoy.. perhaps dribble some ball to get some ball sense.. but as per normal.. i was invited to the irresistible games.. Lost two games and won one.. but thats because zhiming was wearing shirt and long pants la.. himself is more than enuff to qie those three we were up against..
Yeah.. I was pretty lousy.. in fact.. I SUCKED. because I don't have the confidence like I used to.. my skills still exist.. but the fear of getting blocked and rejected and making mistakes seems to overwhelm me and cause my skills to be all hidden behind some wall. It was still pretty enjoyable.. I have no idea why.. but I just love the feeling of playing it. Its almost better than sex. somehow. heh.

Anyway.. engine started after the three games... focused pretty well and started scoring.. doing better D than previous games.. fourth and fifth game was where I really got the addiction feeling once again. I love the feeling of doing everything I want on the court.. somehow.. focusing had got my confidence back a little.. and I was able to perform again. Got rejected by that center for a couple of times.. but nvtheless I always stand up and tell my team to go again. Apparently.. my opponent guarding me was rather sian diao cos i just kept running.. or rather.. jogging non stop.. my stamina's there.. just that my foot work really kinda sucks. He told me "Why you keep saying "again".. dun again already la.. chase u damn tiring leh.".. I was tinking "heh.. I wasn't even running..".. yah... that was cool. quite an ego boost. enjoyed it but kept it to myself.

Was thoroughly enjoying myself.. I have no idea why.. but perhaps playing with zm seems to put a little more pressure on myself.. because we're playing the same position.. and I don't really noe how to play with him yet.. Gotta play more.. and get my feelings back once again. also.. noted tat Playing without him in the fourth and fifth game was much better for my side.. anyway.. perhaps my engine starts late cos i'm sick ba.

Did some AND1 tricks.. spin moves.. alleys... passes.. yeah.. passes was the best.. but what stoned me was when I got a three point in.. the net went "SWISH!!!"... the whole net overturned and spinned up.. God.. I miss those days.. where I was doing it like I was eating meals.
And that was it.. I am gonna pick it up again.. I'm sorry I tot of leaving.. but It ain't gonna happen! I promise! No matter how tough things get..I'll make time for it. Cos it was My Life.. and I am sure.. it STILL IS.

I Love This Game.

Checkout~
Qing. - True self.

i better learn..

2006-03-22T10:56:00.000+08:00

UNDERSTANDING WEATHER A
FUNDAMENTALS OF FINANCE B
MACROECONOMIC ANALYSIS II C
FINANCIAL MARKETS C+
TECHNICAL ANALYSIS I C+
MATHEMATICAL GAMES AND PUZZLES D
BUSINESS LAW D+

Semester GPA:2.326
Cumulative GPA:2.688

this shall be a constant reminder for me.. such bad results.. if i don't do well enough in year 3, how am i even gonna enter local university? quite disaapointed.. prev semester results of 2.8+ weren't good already.. i know i've been been academically compared to project work.. but surely i can do something to it earlier? yet it had gotten worst now..

i better wake up!!
dun wanna waste my poly life..
study harder!!
stop slacking!!
be more hard-working!!

i'm gonna do it..!

.... GPA 3+++ ....

2006-03-20T13:11:00.000+08:00

had a dream abt dearie cheating on me last night.. was in a daze e whole mrng after all tt has happened2 my darling over one night.. can hardly believe it but we all have to accept reality..

just had lunch with darling.. i can't exclaim how happy i was to see ur face.. i can see e tiredness of all the worries&burden on your face dear.. i hope i can help you relieve in any way i can.. i'm glad to have made u smile.. from the laughters i heard when we were 'shopping' @ carrefour, i can sense tt i brightened up your day not much, but a little bit.. =)

u just told me over sms about how similar u tink we r.. indeed, we r! we r lucky to be able to realise tt in such a short 3 months period.. its incredibly amazing, but very true.. its reality tt u have me dear.. i'm glad god used e same mould while creating us..

*-samsam- loves guoqing dearly..*

problems.

2006-03-19T20:53:00.000+08:00

Things are happening at a stunning rate.. bad things.. no matter how optimistically i look at them.. they're bad enuff for mi. Despite many good things happening.. like my love life is blooming like some sakura blossoms.. and brotherhoods are getting stronger.. family bonding is slightly better now and I can open myself up better to my family... thats abt all.

Firstly.. my dad's first wife is making noise.. wanting to "snatch" back my dad.. causing my dad to run here and there.. making trips to jurong west---workplace---our home---jurong west---our home---workplace---our home---....
and he is going for 2 surgery.. 1 minor one for her persistent "pimples" on his back.. dunno why it pops out and bleed previously.another is for the lump on his neck which is.. sigh.. i shall not elaborate wat i understand for they bring tears.
then.. my dad's going to be out of job soon. possible extension for 2 yrs or so but possibility beng 45% or below because of the surgeries and his age.
Also.. going to surgeries at the age of 65 ain't something i could be optimistic of.. as much as I wanna try to.. its just too difficult. yes.. I'm an adult now.. but so wat?

then.. My mum's SO SUDDENLY out of job now. The boss of her boss actually fired ALL the workers at blk 144's coffeeshop beverage store without even informing them! the boss of my mum's boss and the boss himself are blood related relatives!!!! and they're not even informed. How harsh more can he be?
Is he some kinda cruel bastard that forgets "accidentally" of someone's wellbeing or worst.. Family supporting pillar?!
Whoever it is.. I curse him that he will die in hell fire with his heart melted in lava of burning tears from his own eyes. Fuck him.

Recently.. I nearly got charged.. but with God's grace.. I was saved. I should be happy abt that.. but is wat is happening the Cost of His saving? No.. it shouldn't be.. His love is Unconditional. That I still believe.

Seriously.. I feel that something is not quite right.. I feel that something or someone.. is playing with us.. the Whole family.
Wats with the white cat superstition oso? My bro saw it twice at nite outside our home.. and then go away after he(first time is we, second time is him onli) saw it? Wat's the purpose of letting us see it?
The net says its bad luck.. how true?

God.. give me some pointers please.. I need some guidance in my growth to be a good Man of your kind. Amen..

Dearie.. I miss you..

Checkout~
Peacefully Ray.

2006-03-15T15:35:00.000+08:00

dear..pls dun wry abt me k..im safe&sound @ home alr..e cramp jus doesnt go..tender skin isn't hurting tt much anymore..but no choice.. e doctors r all still asleep till 6pm!cant believe it man.. tried 5 clinics just nw to find out 2 of which r closed today, 2 r closed btw 1-6pm, another expensive clinic is closed for lunch.. my PC is always failing on me.. bro is bugging the PC and Lappy so i cant use.. hw unlucky can i get?

resting at home nw.. tired.. but cant really slp.. missing my hunny..

*-samsam- misses her bunny!*

coco lee~

2006-03-15T15:31:00.000+08:00

My version of COCO's Baby, Dui Bu Qi...

When I hear the ring..
I pondered for quite a minute..
Its you.. or Is it not?
I'm always doubtful..
Because of this..
My mood nv stop swinging..
Our rough patches..
Caused by my questioning..
Sensitive and always suspecting..
Fearing you'll turn away someday..
My love so true..
Indeed, it was and still is..
The reason behind my fear of losing you..

Ups and downs in the journey of love..
Always unpredictable.. Inevitable..
Tears shed within joyfulness..
Baby.. My apologies..
For not loving you the way you wanted me..
For being paranoid of losing..
For without you beside me..
My world'd be pure memories..
Now, Loneliness I face, daily..
Its too late.. I hope not?
To just say.. I love you, baby..

Ever since we separated..
I can't help crying..
Its you I've been missing..
I've forgotten the feelin of being happy..
Pls.. once again, let us indulge in love..
There's nothing I wouldn't do..
If only I can see you again..
Hold you close to my warm body..
I'll never let you leave..
Never to give up, only to persist..
Let me tell you this..
Baby.. I'm sorry... *Copyrights - All rights reserved*

Original Chinese lyrics_

聽到我的電話　響了一聲就暫停　會不會是你
我總懷疑　因為這原因　心情不穩定
我們之間的問題　是我不相信你　敏感又多心
怕你變了心　因為愛你　害怕失去你

愛的天氣總是陰晴不定　愛的情緒也在歡笑中哭泣
（Baby）想對你說聲對不起　用錯了方式去愛你
因為我太在意（如果沒有你）我的世界只剩回憶
每天只面對孤寂　已來不及　再說我愛你

自從那天分手後　停不住淚滴　想念一個人
能忘記自己　讓我愛你　什麼都願意
如果能再遇見你　把你抱緊　從此不分離
絕不放棄　我要告訴你　OS:Baby I'm sorry

From: http://www.public.asu.edu/~bgriner/mywebsite/clyrics/li-coco.htm#babyduibuqi

Checkout~
Ray.

ps: Baby.. I miss you..

oh no..

2006-03-15T12:28:00.000+08:00

Oh no...

Deardear cramp cramp... tummy pain pain...
Deardear scalded thigh thigh... thigh pain pain...

Yet I can't do anything..

Sobx.... dui bu qi~~~

Hao Lan oh....

Wonder how's dearie now...
Hophops ard aimlessly...
Waits for dearie's sms...

Lunch time now ma.. sianz.. not nice. .add too much water to noodle.. hahaha..

miss you dearie...
Hope you'll have a good rest later at home oh...

Checkout~
Ray.

ps... Pray that God'll protect her and keep her safe and sound and warm.. relieve her from pain and all the disturbance also.. pray that God'll grant her peacefulness in temper and emotions.. so that she can rest well... Amen....

My thoughts..

2006-03-14T09:08:00.000+08:00

what am I tinking abt?

I am afraid.. This rs may go to waste again.. just like the rest..
Why afraid?
I believe I am (truly truly truly)^1million tat I'm in love with her.. and still falling..
however.. I keep having this tinking.. that...
I've been thru that.. Things can be sweet.. but still end up disgustingly bitter in the end..

Afterall.. I'm onli 21 and she's onli 18 yrs old..
she support that tinking too.. but since she support tat tinking.. does it mean she's mature enuff? well.. she's indeed more mature than anyone i've seen on the floor...even some guy frens of mine does not possess such maturity.. tat was perhaps the most impt reason for me being attracted to her at the beginning..

Will having *** in a rs affect anything? seriously.. its an alien boundary that i'm stepping into.. and i really dunno wat i can tink to do abt anything.

Financially.. am i ok to upkeep her? Practical her will definitely xian qi mi.. i can't stop tinking abt that.

I'll definitely have to go thru rough times.. do i have enuff faith that she'll stay by my side? Bro.. Faith has to be built.. its NOT and NV a blessed kinda thing...
thanks ruke.

I am truly madly deeply in love with her.. In fact.. its MORE than ever before even if i were to compare to the rest that had walked passed my life.. but I'm pretty afraid I may get hurt again... back to square one qn! damn bad.

Ruke: You dun trust her?

Of course not! She had showered on me so much love.. When I thought I knew love and how it felt like when I was in love with shir.. She brought me to a brand new era of love.. it was amazing.. breathe taking and as a matter of fact.. crazy good. Which brings me to the state of fear of losing her in anyway..

Frankly..
which gf in this world.. will bring her bf to cut hair at a cheap and good store..
"" eat with her bf but SHE'S THE ONE buying the food always? which gf
"" pat her bf to slp when she needs slp herself?
"" stand up for her bf against HER FAMILY?
"" change for the better.. and become more tolerant and patient from her previous being just because her bf ask her to do so?
"" buy her bf breakfast.. when she's staying ALL the freaking long way at HG?
"" get her bf the things he need because he asks for it?

All the above are VERY significant happenings that confirmed the reconfirmation in my heart that I WILL NEVER CHEAT ON HER OR LET HER DOWN IN ANY WAY(S). she's just too good to be true.. and she's more than I can ask for.. more over.. she's more than compatible with me. maybe not class lvl wise.. but all the other things. All i wanna do.. is to treat her good.. and if possible, better than she do.. and indulge in this bliss that I possibly had earned from my previous life. I nv wanna let her go.. nv wanna lose her.. nv wanna treat her bad.. nv wanna chase her away.. Sounds possessive.. but yes.. I am like that.. I've learnt thru the hard way that I AM indeed a possessive guy.. and I believe she loves it that way oso.. because it makes her feel SUPERBLY WANTED. heheeehee..

okay.. let me continute..
Monetary wise.. I am SO tight.. I can't even handle my finance well.. shit me.
ruke: Can learn... and Can earn....
thanks again, ruke..

Seriously.. I am very worried abt my dad's health..
he's probably going thru some damn bad stress being pulled by two ladies.. or rather.. one lady and the other.. bitch..
Money wise.. he confirm damn stress oso.. electricity bill... gonna be out of job soon.. probably quite a big hit in his life.. since he nv experience this before...
He'll worry abt us.. the kids.. and his ever so spendthrift wife.. my mum..

My bro.. dun really like to study..mum have hopes on him.. since we're the onli brothers.. long term tinking.. if he dun study well.. he's gonna suffer.. and tinking for the family as a whole.. if he dun earn the same as mi or abt the same.. no matter how much i earn.. its not gonna be enuff! damn it for being in a poor family.
I really hope bro had gone thru some tinking and will really buck up.

This stupid NS i'm going thru.. Hate it.. I need to earn more.. even if its just a few hundred bucks more.. NS is just a waste of time despite it had gotten mi more than enuff to learn.

My mum.. she's always alone at home.. no matter coming home from work or now tat she's having a holiday due to the renovation of the coffeeshop she's working at.
I'm damn worried that she'll anyhow tink.. anyhow act... esp. when dad's not at home too.. and my bro.. he keeps running out.. or rather.. thats wat i saw.. i dunno wat are the other things he do.. cos i'm always at work! damn it again!
Now you noe why I hate work/NS so much yah?
ruke: yeah. fuck it man.

I really hope to spend more time with my parents and my bro and of course.. my deardear.. while i can do my favourite sports to upkeep myself disciplinary wise and fitness also.
Can that happen? Yes.. with planning.. but how? Can anyone help me?

Checkout~
Ray.

2006-03-13T13:54:00.000+08:00

went dearie's place ytd.. bought mac breakfast for him n his bro..

as usual, he was asleep when i arrived.. alwaes look so blur in e mrng.. flat hair, white face, 1-lined eyes cos he cant open them.. haha=p so cute! but their room is forever so messy so i jus help them tidy up a lil.. dear had this v weird dream o.. he dreamt he threw his fav bolster into a longkang n he was so upset abt it.. yet i was sunning his pillows& bolster@ e window.. lol~

spent our precious weekend together again is just so wonderful.. had lunch@westmall den went to buy presents& cake for his mommy cos its her 44th birthday! haha..

had an enjoyable dinner @ bukit timah's johnson duck.. after tt went home.. deardear n guohua so funny.. once reach hm dey like so gan chiong n secretive cos they wanted to surprise their mom with her birthday cake.. they behaved lyk they nv celebrated a bday b4.. haha~ so funny.. but it was very fun.. glad his mom like e present & cake surprise.. =)

thanks dearie..

2006-03-09T10:23:00.000+08:00

Dearie... this is for you....

So sorry.. I nv got to update this because I was SO busy with SO many stuffs..
So sorry.. I flared for nothing sometimes...
So sorry.. Even tho I tried my best, I wasn't up to that standard as a Good all rounded bf...
So sorry.. I feel that I didn't love you enough...

Thank you.. for buying me breakfast..
Thank you.. for making me breakfast..
Thank you.. for consoling me when I'm down..
Thank you.. for controlling your temper..
Thank you.. for listening to me when I need a listening ear..
Thank you.. for loving me..
Thank you.. for wiping my tears when I cried..
Thank you.. for giving me sweets to sweeten my life at work..
Thank you.. for praying for me every night..
Thank you.. for teaching me how to swim..
Thank you.. for helping me get the towel and stuffs needed when I bathe at ur home..
Thank you.. for giving me a chance.. to love you..
Thank you.. for appreciating me..
Thank you.. for standing up for me.. and siding the right stuffs.. and me..
Thank you.. for every single thing you've done for me..
There's so much.. Its impossible to list everything...

Before I forget..

Thank you.. for heating up the beehoon.. specially for me after the swim..

I appreciate them ALL..
Rest assure.. you're my one and only love now.. and til many futures later.. it will still be.. Unless you don't want me.. then we'll see how..
I'll pull you back somehow.. I noe. I can. and You would want to.

Promise. =)

For now.. I'm thankful and feeling blissful...
thank God for that! =)

Checkout~
~Horny Bunny~

2006-03-04T23:48:00.000+08:00

observing honey play bball nw..1st tym o.. deardear runs super fast on e court.. shooting quite accurate oso.. he simply brings out life from e court!! ha.. *dear's ego mus b rising nw!*

hee.. jus had dinner.. chatted quite abit..found out alot abt dear's family history.. pretty complicated.. hope things will only get better..not worst!

here's some update on my previous few days.. finally sat4my last exam, technical analysis.. managed e mcq & chart questions quite well.. but essay was kinda tough, as expected.. but nvm.. iz OVER!! ha..

had a VERY ENJOYABLE & AMAZING time @ e chalet..felt sooooo close tgt.. went to fisherman's village on 2nd night.. e ambience there is simply fantastic.. windy seaside, cooling weather, appropriate music@ times.. but most importantly is the wonderful company i had.. food wise not too good.. double priced compared to similar food outside.. but who's not willing to pay for such a rare ambience?
plus, pasir ris park has very unique playgrounds.. they have interesting looking metallic equipments tt makes u wonder hw on earth r u gonna play w it.. but overall, quite fun & thrilling concepts ba.. haha~

so fun to come chalet enjoy.. finally can do nth but slack! been too busy for e past semester.. so caught up w holidays, school, work, projects & exams.. time for me 2 take a s-h-o-r-t break..

monday startin attachment@kim eng securites already.. for straight 6 wks! n after attachment start sch! pretty crazy.. no break n no holidays except wkends! goodness~

2006-02-28T13:30:00.000+08:00

biker-look dearie.. looks abit lyk his colleague, chusna too.. ha~

he who always concentrates really hard while studying..
us taking a break!! ha.. spent whole afternoon @ westmall coffeebean.. study for NCAP exam which took place yesterday night! was only an hr's paper.. was alright i guess.. dear's handwriting super small&cursive.. couldnt even peek @ wad he was writing =p ha.. anw, he still pin-pointed at our text to guide me in answering my qns.. hope we score well..

i gotta go off for now.. study study study for thursday's paper.. so can enjoy tml's chalet!! hee..

hai.. zhen mo ban?

2006-02-28T00:28:00.000+08:00

My bro.. onli can pass POA, Math and Chinese... I noe he had improved.. but at the same time.. its really saddening to noe too.. i dunno wat else i can say to him.. i've went thru that phase.. telling him to stop playing games ain't gonna work.. stopping him forcefully ain't gonna reflect anything good either.. I've grown thru that phase and turned out fine.. but can he?
I used to have confidence in him.. but after getting along with dearie.. i had kinda lost contact with him again.. until juz now when we went for a li'l jog together.. taught him some running techniques.. then he told me abt his study stuffs...
sigh...

Di ar Di.. Will you please make it to the O level yr? Pls... I really want you to do mum proud.. but at the same time.. I respect you as an individual and a growing adult.. Whatever I can tell you.. I already told you.. For 3 to 4 times I've talked to you until you cry.. and thats why I nv listen to pple to juz go and forcefully stop you from gaming.. I believe watever I can do and say.. I already done so in the Reasonable way..and I believe strongly in you that you felt wat i was trying to convey and wat i was telling you.

Please.. prove me right.. won't you?

Seriously.. my last advice if i were to talk to bro.. would be Knowing that you can't pass or do well for a subject and dun do anything abt it.. but play and play and play game.. and go out with them despite studying that amount of wat you are currently doing.. ain't enuff.. ain't gonna do you any improvement enough for you to get to where you want..
You used to tell me you wanna get to poly! then you have to work harder than this...
wat teacher said is wat teacher said... prove to him you can do it! just like how you proved that you can get 80 for chinese test easily!

Jiayou ba.. you told me just now that you aren't gonna give up.. I have trust in that in you.
Do me proud k.

Dearie... jiayou for your exam.... I love you... You're equally impt to me despite I din't mention anything here.. you're my first priority in life.. you always will be.. oki?
Huggiex..

Checkout~
Ray.

2006-02-26T18:06:00.000+08:00

-=SUN KISSED=-

....BOIBOI & GERGER....

tts me working at HTA (Hometeam Academy) swimming pool.. taking a dip from the sorching sun in e midst of my work =p.. tts e flexibility i like about working as a lifeguard here.. ha~ anyway, i had such great company w dear.. i bought us kfc for lunch, then i started work while dear soaked in e cool waters.. hee.. as usual there wasn't anyone so i joined dear too.. *wee.........!!

dear came down afer work again and we left for NCAP lesson together..

what fun..
what company..
every moment with you is fufilling!

*kisses left by -samsam-*

Li'l meaningful prezzie to dearie..

2006-02-24T23:49:00.000+08:00

It ain't anything expensive..
Almost dint cost a thing.. except a li'l more strain on my tired brainie! hee..

Before that.. let me blog a li'l...
Had our last NCAP lesson today... will kinda miss it.. esp. when lesson with dearie is SO fun! haa.. i'm gonna suggest going to level 2 with her.. =p then ar.. this last lecturer has SO much passion in sports.. i really find a portion of myself inside him.. ha.. really inspired by him.. =)
anyway.. he is one of the factor i'm gonna miss the lessons... probably cos even tho within a short period of three days.. his passion for sports.. patience and techniques he exercise in teaching is really making mi admire him SO much! haaa... i aint gay.. its just pure respectful admiring..
Well.. too bad.. haa.. if you yuan.. maybe i can even work under him in few years time! haha.. will go find out then where is he when i grad from NIE if i got in and if i still remember him! =p

keke.. dearie notti ar.. always rub rub rub.... :P * rubs face on dearie's jacket... like baby!! :Pp*
just wanna tell u.. having lesson with u.. is more than fun oki.. how i wish i am in poly with u now.. haa.. =)

oki la.. here's the prezzie.. i.e the poem =)

Sleepy Notti Dearie..
Grumpy yet So attractive..
Almost getting angry..
Controlling too, can be tiring..
But I always tell myself this..
Tat only thru these shit..
Then I can c your true beauty..
I'd rather u complain unreasonably at reasonable times..
Than compromising my need using uncompromisable tries..
Thankful is what I am..
For the effort of you trying..
Appreciative is understatement for what i hab for you, my true feelings..
With you, I feel bliss..
Yet I feel fear in me..
Fear of losing..
Losing you, not the quarrellings..
So Please..
Raise the unlikings..
Don't think suffering for another is loving..
If you're unhappy..
I'd always wish tat's when you're Not with me..
Help me to make yourself happy!
Now, _Thats ~Loving~ =)

Hee.. once again.. happy 2nd monthlyversary Sex-Kittie...
-Horny Bunny.

Checkout.
Ray.

2006-02-24T00:17:00.000+08:00

been a pretty bad day for me.. had business law paper today.. dunno whether can score anot.. so many ting 2 write!! not sure if my ans r accurate.. received my blaw proj marks oso.. 72 only.. big disappointment considering e amt of tym n effort put into it and there r other grps tt put in less effort n score higher marks den us!! haiz.. -sadded-

aft paper realised couldnt haf dinner w dear cos he meeting yikang for dinner.. quite sian diao oso.. cos not very gd mood le..

but anw when i saw dear on escalator, he was holding a stalk of flower on his hands! i was extremely delighted! i noe he bought it for me to cheer me up.. soooooooo sweet of him..

end up i din come any clothes @ westmall so went to lot1 for dinner @ long john's silver.. which is where we took these pics! hee..

me with dearie's pink rose..

dear looking bigger in size with dis brown t-shirt.. oso reporting bigger chest due to apparent stretch marks discovered near his armpits.. lol~ congrats! yr nearing yr target!! btw, dear's holding a disposable white fork in his hand if u cant c it.. ha...

its 24 february 2006 now..

Happy 2nd MonthSary dear!!

*-samsam- leaves kiss marks on dearir's cheeks!*

My First....

2006-02-21T14:34:00.000+08:00

Hee... today is the memorial of my first...
hehehe...
it was pretty good..
pretty blissful..
pretty nice..
pretty smooth..
pretty sensational..
pretty sensual...
pretty lovable..
pretty addictive..
and.....
pretty pretty orgasmic.. =p

I'm talking abt my first time drinking red wine la...
hahahahaa... what are you tinking abt.. =D=D=D

dearie... nice rite? *wink.. hee..*
*grinx..*

Checkout~
Ray.

Dedication.

2006-02-20T09:11:00.000+08:00

~=Dedication=~

I hope the man upstairs isn't mad at me
Because I have one of his angels and she's here with me
Each time I see her precious smile and she spreads her wings
She takes me to a place where love meets eternity
Oh no, I'm not letting go
I don't want to be alone in this crazy world
Oh, Lord, how I love her so
And I'll sacrifice it all to have her in my life

I found my girl
I'll tell the world
That heaven is missing an angel
My dreams came true
When I found you
Yes, heaven is missing an angel

Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for you
He blessed me with my angel though I don't deserve you
Before I met you, girl, lonely was my best friend
Now that you are in my life, I am stronger within
I can't wait to kiss my angel late at night
And watch her go to sleep until I see her rise

I found my girl
I'll tell the world
That heaven is missing an angel
My dreams came true
When I found you
Yes, heaven is missing an angel

All that I do is for you
Me without you, girl, just won't do
Your love's all I want to know
Angel, don't you ever go
Life won't be the same without you

I found my girl
I'll tell the world
That heaven is missing an angel
My dreams came true
When I found you
Yes, heaven is missing an angel

Song: 98 Degrees - Heaven's Missing an Angel.
Dedicated to: Sam
Fro: Qing
Date: 20/02/06
Time: 0917hrs

Message:
You're my one and only true love. For now, later, in the future.. you will always be... Believe God set us up by letting us be SO deeply in love previously with such pple who seems unappreciative, before matching us up to make things more beautiful than it could be. Don't you agree, my lovely Angel?

Checkout.
Ray.

Our First Valentine's Day.. Our moments to cherish..

2006-02-17T13:21:00.000+08:00

Heh.. what a Vday for mi... It was the SWEETEST.. Most "Present-full".. Thrilling.. Loving.. Sensual(I'll elaborate on this! :P read on! :P).. Happy.. Perfect Vday for mi.. hehe...

Sweetest~
I nv tot I'd fall SO deeply in love with dearie within such a short period of time.. 1 and a Half month ago.. I like her very much... then.. subsequently I fell for her.. Everything seems right.. and normal.. and more importantly.. REAL.. ups and down surfaces even in the first month.. Nothing too sweet.. Nothing too easy and wrong... =).. then.. suddenly.. I found myself in a well of love.. drowning.. in the juices of love *kinky?:Pp.. its not wat u think, pple..*.. I died in the drowning case.. and now Evolved into a whole new person... Thanks to her love.. in Just 1 month.. you changed me like no one else did.. How I wish to see more in the future.. and I mean.. FAR future... with you, my deardear always.

Most "Present-full"~
Bought her the most exp. present I ever gotten for a girl. ha... it ain't exp.. but still.. its the most exp. for a poor guy like mi.. sorry dearie abt that.. i will work harder.. thats wat i feel for myself.. not for u. hee.. dun mistaken please, all readers.. :) she ain't like that. =p Well.. wrote her a letter.. with all my heart.. *wow. thats expensive.. invaluable.*=p..gave her a "RESCUE" tag that is bright orange in color too.. hee.. nice.. I got one for myself also.. lol.. hmm..for myself.. i received a NIKE Bag from her that I WANTED TO GET!!! goodness gracious.... haa.. that time she told mi she won't get it cos i guessed it le.. then i tot of buying a bag at thailand.. luckily i nv get cos i nv get a good bargain.. lol.. but yah.. she also bought a really kinky card for mi.. a wheel of sensuality! hahaha... got sound somemore.. lol.. the things she wrote inside was really sweet but its onli for mi to noe and for you all to envy. haa... wat else.. oh.. the sweetest present she did.. was to wake mi up in the morning.. and then jump to the doorstep joyfully and show mi a BIG BOX (bought from PRECIOUS MOMENTs. batteries sold separately.. haha.. kidding..).. where my presents are contained... HOW SWEET a way to present the presents.. haha.. oh yes.. it was followed by many kisses.. which i will mention later.. lol...

Thrilling~
Well... we were queueing up outside Fish and Co...The queue was until Park Mall already! goodness gracious.. it'll probably take abt an hr for us to reach the inside.. then.. we noticed empty seats outside but there is NO INITIATIVE from customers (abt a HUNDRED OF THEM queueing..) to ask if they can take those seats.. and the waiters and waitresses are either too busy or taking their own sweet time. Thus I went ahead and walked forward to ask the waitress that happened to be by the door side.. if dearie and I can take the seat outside cos it seems like no one cares.. I did mentioned that I was at the rear side of the queue too.. and she said "yah! sure!!.. pls go ahead!" then I confirmed again.. mentioning that fact that if she allows, I'll be cutting queue!.. and she affirmed with mi. hee... then I brought dearie in.. but then a waiter saw mi coming in and smiled and me.. thus I asked him if we can sit outside since no one seems to be taking the seats even tho they've been empty for the 20 mins we've been waiting! and he said i must queue up first! then i said one of his waitress fren said okaY!.. then he turned and ard and asked which one? then i said i dunno.. and he went away talking to his another lady fren asking who.. haha.. then NOTTI DEARIE pulled my hand and said "we're going upstairs!".. then up we went! hahaha... hand froze for a moment cos nv do such things before.. lol... but still.. our date carried on and we had a great dinner.. oh btw.. it was supposed to be like this: Soup named "Foreplay" ---> main course ---> ice cream... but then they forgot our soup.. and gave us the main course first! ha.. and i was telling dearie.. for the first time.. i had foreplay only AFTER the main "Course".. hehe... despite things going in an almost bizarre and abnormal way.. its thrilling and cool! hahaha...

Loving~
Went to take neoprints oh.. haha... if you see the pics.. which we will upload soon.. you'll noe how it feel to be loved and loving! hehehe.. i can't explain this.. because love ain't explainable by words anyway... and to forcefully do it.. will only result in devaluing the golden moments and invaluable love.

Sensual~
Hee... after dearie came to mimi home....
*************** jboaa98as6dksdf *** ****** **#$5435#$#14234 345345345** 4353B 76 dfgerT$@34GFD y4&%^&FDVC 82834jka jhasd9!!@#%%ss^dC2314sxcw!!@! 34324 $@#$ dsfsdf746 sdfhjds *sadui 786isad8 j3, gs,dbf iasfgoadfjbfs ljgfhlasd as asd90u 4as4d 32132asd uiyadf aayer'9823\sd 898sad8792133214 DASDAD OIU6897 6732N4 ASDAS JKYIU324 98YFYR4HVXDUISDFU !!! 54HJ6KLJXD9 VGFKDLGKLDJDLRTDIOLCBMV,CJULS;K;JGS;XSJK;ASIOA; GF843TR45UVGH9DF0HGO;CFJIO[DYKI_(&t&amp;r()&%5R7AO EJRSER !!!

wOO! that was SO hot and sweaty and... Lovely. hehee... quite shaGening oso.. :Pp OKIE.. moving on...

Happy~~
Okie.. on a serious note now.. If all the above happened to a simple and ugly guy like me.. To describe the cause of it as me having done a lot of good deeds in my previous life would be an understatement!

In fact.. To be in love with her.. is really really a dream come true.. She is ALL the attributes that I wanted plus together with the great b*****s that I always ONLY dreamt of.. not to say dearie has a pretty face that is like strawberry too. LOL... and I am Orange :Pp hahaha.. well.. an almost perfect combi of Inner Beauty plus Outter Beauty and Inner Notti plus Outer Notti! hahaa... oki la.. she's an affectionate beast.. oops.. i mean animal.. err.. queen of my life! hehehee... =p I love the beasty nature of dearie with sensibility... Guainess and Filial dearie towards her parents.. and sweetness and loving towards me... her attitude and confidence of herself is something that makes me melt... and her ability to understand and feel for life is what I admire. hehehe... there's more! but i dunno how to say le... and I'm doing this during work! lol.. oki..
back to work...
c ya~

*Sam: did u say.. beast? animal?.... *ROARS*..* *Sam starts chasing me ard~~~ * *NOOOOOO... Don't bite mi.. Don't whip mi anymore~~~ sobx....* I'm sorry~~~ =P =P =P =P =P =P =p =p =p =p =p =p =p

Checkout~
Ray. *Acts cool for awhile.. then.. RUNS AWAY HORRIFIC-LY!!!* :pP

*OH NO~~ She got m and tied me onto the.. MMM..b..E....*MMMMMmmmMMmMM... He~~Mm~LP..MMMmmmm .... ~~~~ MmmmmmE~...

Sam : "oops~"... *pulls curtain and covers window.. *... hee...

2006-02-17T13:12:00.000+08:00

went to work 7am to 7pm @ HTA yesterday.. wasn't so bad afterall cos i could meet my hunny for breakfast, lunch & dinner.. haha.. so nice of him to come accompany me.. be it via sms, swimming or having meals together..

lunch@ sunshine place wasn't too gd.. kopitiam close 4 renovations.. ate some very oily n expensive fd bought frm e few pathetic stalls there.. but dearie bought me mon cherry chocolates to spice up my day!! hee.. such a sweety.. he den came to e pool after wrk to swim with me.. din swim much.. more lyk soak water n haf fun.. haha~ dear learnt how to tread water le!! hee.. dear so happy lo.. after we bathed, it rained super heavily.. n guess wad we resorted to do.. we had no umbrellas to shelter ourselves so we decided to both wear my spare clothes! haha.. we looked super identical.. LOL..

we den ran under to the bus stop sheltering ourselves w my IVP windbreaker only! haha.. hao tian o.. only our legs were wet n cold.. den we took several pics t e bus stop despite stares frm some aunty.. haha~ heck right! aft arriving at lot1 shopping mall, we went to take neoprint cos of our special dressing.. e neoprint turned out well! had many special effects n no time limit! lol.. we had so much fun taking it..
as usual aft dinner @ long john's, dear sent mi home.. *sweet-sweet*

*-samsam- loves GQ lots lots..*

2006-02-17T10:25:00.000+08:00

dardar look soooooooooooooooooooo cute in this picture cos i secretly caught him by surprise!! haha...

finally we got into Fish&Co.. luckily we were clever in some ways i shan't elaborate.. *roars..

meme..
happily waiting with dearie..
happily gazing into dearie's eyes..
happily mesmerizing with him..
happily indulging in this happiness..
wad heaven..........

duo mei...!! lol~
on our way to heeren's to have our V'Day neoprint taken!

super shagged out that we both looked alike when we're tired.. lols~ nevertheless, we had so much fun taking our neoprint n enjoyed our day SO MUCH!! even though i later realised my shoe almost fell apart n bird shit landed on my head.. ha...
LOVE you LOTS dear!!

V day Prezzies!

2006-02-17T10:13:00.000+08:00

our presents for each other!!
Samsam's presents for Deardear..
HoneyBee's prezzies for Samsam..

so sweet of dear to buy me the Valentine's Day edition Swatch watch.. SO NICE! i love you so much.. its packaged in a very nice red box and it contains a silver heart inside which produces e sounds of bells clanging against each other softly..
such a long queue outside fish&co glasshouse.. yet we were indulging in each other's company..

add on~

2006-02-17T00:11:00.000+08:00

Btw.. i muz clarify.. its difficult for most pple to separate love and lust..
but i'm sure dearie and i noe it very well.. in fact.. i tink its due to the fact that we're so Ho.. Notti.. and thus we developed the natural instinct to distinguish between that clearly and more easily.. esp. when its between the one we love.

I meant to say.. Us.

=)

I noe very clearly in my heart and soul and brain and my li'l brother too.. that its love I have for u.
For its the affections that i enjoy tgt with u.. NOT the physical satisfaction i get for myself or emotional satisfaction that i get by satisfying you...

In God's name I can swear that that is true.

Wrote this out because I don't wan any misunderstanding.. =)

Checkout~
Ray.

Life of mine, 0 cents worth. Love of 2. Invaluable.

2006-02-16T23:53:00.000+08:00

:
:
:
:
:

samsam says:
yups

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
darling

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
i dunno how to describe my love for u man

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
i feel SO obsessed withu

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
like u're my driving force for everything now..

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
can't believe i fell so deeply in such a short time

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
i dun onli love the physical contact with u as they are SO passionate and so romantic..

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
i love the affections we show for each other too

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
and the maturity.. the ability to be behind each other when either one needs support

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
i love the chemistry between us.. and i love ..

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
u

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
so blessed.. to have this rs..

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
its really really an undescribable blessings..

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
cant believe the fact that i can find my dream girl

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
ha..

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
believe it or not

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
u're 95 percent perfect on my requirement list...

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
so much so tat i am afraid i will lose u in ANY way

samsam says:
wheres e 5% ?

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
hee.. 3 Ts...

samsam says:
=(

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
=p

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
haa..

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
dearie

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
dun be sad..

samsam says:
=(=(=(=(=(=(=(

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
those are already covered by that 95%of urs le la

samsam says:
ok im affected by TT 5%

samsam says:
so

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
ha..

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
dearie..

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
perfection is not possible..

samsam says:
haiz

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
pls dun be silly and contradict my saying that we're mature

samsam says:
no ur saying im ***..

samsam says:
which i noe i aM

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
but u asked wat

samsam says:
those r my problem areas

samsam says:
haiz

samsam says:
ya i noe

samsam says:
=(

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
i was juz being frank dearie..

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
dui bu qi la.

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
if u dun like to hear

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
i won't say it next time ..

samsam says:
i noe

samsam says:
dun wan u2bluff me oso

samsam says:
quite contradicting i mus say

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
y..

samsam says:
i requested u 2 tell me e 5%

samsam says:
but i dun feel gd abt hearin it

samsam says:
ha..

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
hmmiez.

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
.dearie muz try to accept facts .

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
thats part of growing up too..

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
u can try to improve it..

samsam says:
yes i noe these facts

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
but dun feel bad abt it

samsam says:
but jus mayb dun like2admit

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
noeing them and accepting them are two difft things.. when u accept it.. u admit it and dun feel bad abt it ma..

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
jiayou

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
it'll take time

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
jus like i noe my chest got no definition

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
and i hate it when u say my chest aint nice

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
but i kept forcing myself to hear you say so

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
i even force myself to prompt u to say so..

samsam says:
haiz same lo..

samsam says:
*hug hug

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
by doing that.. i can overcome ma

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
ha.

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
hugg..

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
i noe wat i'm doing dearie

samsam says:
ok..

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
i noe i muz force myself to face wats my problem

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
onli then i can overcome them

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
applies to all ma

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
haa..

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
hope i can set a gd example for dearie in the aspects tat i can.. and i noe dearie got alot for mi to learn from too..

samsam says:
ok..

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
i noe dearie's trying very hard in many things le.. as long as u noe u're putting in ur best.. thats enuff.. because i can see.. and i don't expect them to be much better at all..

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
all the things that u've changed for the better.. i am happy for u.. those things that u nv change yet.. i'll pray abt them.. and stand by ur side.. and encourage u if they are really wrong and have to be changed..

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
i'm always here by ur side.. dearie

samsam says:
thks dearie

samsam says:
u made me feel betta

samsam says:
alr

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
i ain't a saint.. and i ain't treating myself as one

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
i just feel that as a bf..

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
anyone

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
as a bf

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
those are the fundamentals to do

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
for the one he loves..

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
else.

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
it won't be a love great enuff .

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
no
Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
i tink if the bf nv do so

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
he's not worthy to be loved at al

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
because love is like respect

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
u dun take it.. u dun get it because pple give u

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
u earn them..

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
say if i ain't doing those things for u.. and dearie still shower mi with ur endless love like now

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
i won't be happy being loved by u

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
i really won't

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
because i wouldn't be worthy then..

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
=)

samsam says:
hee..im glad u can sense my love4u

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
thats just part of my heart for u..

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
of course dearie..

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
i ain't blind..

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
maybe my eyes are like normal human that can onli take in 4 hertz of info per sec.

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
but my heart is connected to urs.

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
how to be blind hheee

samsam says:
my heart's connected2u too

Anger strong enuff to kill. Shutting out NS. Living My Life. says:
dearie understand my heart and principles of my love le ma

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hope that the above will serve as a reminder for us.. so we can always cherish each other's love more when we come back and read abt it again.. =)

I love you dearie... huggiex...

Checkout~
Ray.

Happy Vday Dearie..

2006-02-13T23:50:00.001+08:00

Thankx dearie.. for everything you did...
no one had ever been soooooo sweet to me before oh....

seriously... you are like fulfilling every single thing i've wished for in a rs..... its more than amazing you noe... ha... like for the proposal.. you gave me a big heartie lollipop... and for this vday... when i came back from thai last nite.. you gave me a BIG CRIMsON RED HEART!!!!! god... itz juz so so so sweet.. even tho i may not exclaim it... my heart had melted so many times because of wat you did... i dun tear easily.. but dearie.. you really had been really dear to me!

thanks dearie.. for the card you made.. folder sides of three.. with letters and picturez of us so blissfully together.. so beautifully carved and cut out and pasted... it muz have been very very tiring for my usually not so patient dearie! haha... one thing good abt impatient dearie is that even tho she's impatient.. she'll put her heart into anything that she commits to do.. and she'll complete it with her best effort no matter how impatient she is or she can be!... that applies to our rs too.. thats why i put my heart with her so readily too! =)

haa.. oki la.. juz finish run... gotta go get rdy to call ya le..
hugx dearie.. hope you like the baggie.. and the frenship band.. and the special something u'll receive tomolo! =p ... sorry for getting the wrong size for ur pants! haha.. i underestimated your butt size! =p

haha..

tata...

Checkout~
Raygazm.

2006-02-11T11:22:00.000+08:00

dearie dream of me almost every night.. pretty weird.. but it shows how much he misses me!! ha.. feel so sweet at the thought of it.. *sniggers*

hmm.. how come dear dreamt of having dinner with me? hungry for me? LOL.. i getting so silly from missing u..

wad a weird saturday tt i haf to myself.. bro n sis at taekwondo.. dad at swimming.. mum is marketing.. maid is doing housechores.. wad abt me? slacking on my bed singing karaoke and using lappy.. i shouldnt b doin dis man.. i SHOULD START STUDYING..

*dread it..*

cant wait for exams 2b over.. go for attachment even though we haf no holiday.. i'm quite happy with my posting.. so far i'm the only 1 in my clz posted to a stockbroking firm which is related2my course of studies.. others are posted to mainly ntuc income insurance, dbs and a debt collector company@ henderson industrial park! despite e low pay of $440 and possibility of doin admin work only, i hope i can understand better of how a stockbroking firm works and get a better insight of the mechanisms inside.. but so far i can't find anyone posted to the same place as me leh.. sian.. i wished for some company.. den i wun get so bored shopping at suntec every single day..ha~

anyway, irin was posted to Citibank group at Millenia Towers.. quite near suntec eh? HEH.. we can meet up man.. yay..

dear, in 36 hrs more, u wld arrive back in Singapore.. hee.. can't wait!! heard u bought several things for each of us yeaterday.. happy shopping at Thailand ah.. me oso wan!* jealous..* haha~ but i want you more.......... =p

*flying kisses left by -samsam-*

2006-02-10T18:00:00.000+08:00

today last day of school, finally completed all my projects..! yay.. so happy.. just returned from school.. wad a relieve.. =)

yesterday before send you off to thailand dear haohao bao o.. yr long sleeve shirt so soft and comfortable..! hee.. such a coincidence tt we both wrote letters for each.. deardear is so good at expressing your thoughts in writing.. keep thanking me in the letter oso.. dunnid mention it la dear.. whatever i have done for you is all that i'm willing to do you because of how much i love you dear.. i'm so glad you like my gift for you too! hee..

hope dearie is enjoying his holiday at thailand now.. i miss you alot dear.. life seems a little empty without you.. cant wait for you to return..!!

looking forward for a wonderful valentines' day with you on tuesday dear..

*-samsam- can't wait to hug my honeybee!* =p

Reason why my ex all break with mi..

2006-02-08T00:49:00.000+08:00

I'm too hardworking in a rs...
I see things too far away.. which normal pple can't and don't even bother to..
I love improvements too much.. I'm too much of a person with shan jin xin..
I hate laziness too much.. esp. in other pple.. I hate pple with no sense of urgency.. which my previous girls are kinda like that.
I expect pple to perform analysis like myself. Which is not very possible.. I have too high an IQ OR Logic OR i'm WAY TOO HARDWORKING compared to all my previous girls.. I dunno abt this one yet =p
I ain't being EGOISTIC. Its just certain truth I have to lay down here.
I believe whether or not I can be a better lover and advance.. and make this rs a lasting one with everlasting happiness.. aiya.. i mean make this rs one that is in a higher level than the previous ones.. will depend mostly on improving all those factor le...
heee...
I'll jiayou de!
huggiex deariedearie... so silly and blurrie..
Muackx deariedearie.. so funny and lazie...
Lickx deariedearie.. such a hottie.. sexy bunny~!
haa...
An an...

Checkout~
Ray.

2006-02-01T22:30:00.000+08:00

was very shock to have heard tt daddy had a 2-inch wide cut on his left eyebrow&i didn't even know about it!! it happened ard 2+am aft he returned frm jimmy's hs after playing mahjong.. for i dunno wad reasons, e store room door actually slammed unto his upper eyelid & cut it.. pretty scary! had 4 stitches&may leave a scar.. but glad hes alright la.

went2c doc w dear aft sch2dae..super alot of ppl la~ had lunch&waited4quite some time oso..had quite a trueful talk w dear..told him hw i felt abt certain things..it wasnt happy & neither was it extremely unnhappy..i guess ren de stubborness & sum tings nid time2change lo.. afterall we grew up w wad we thought was right but seem wrong to others.

this dear of mine is really a sweetie-pie lo.. dun understand y he dui wo na me hao.. he can do anyting jus to make me happy&c me smile.. cos he say wo kai xing jui zhong yao.. ytd aft i sent him home on a cab at 11 plus, he actually pao le up to eight 7-11 convenience store to get me something to cheer me up.. btw ytd dear acc me till so late & was feeling pretty uncomfortable & a lil unhappy lo.. still go buy a 'i love you' bookmark w a cute lil boy kissing a cute lil girl.. sometimes i feel that i'm not tt worthy to be teng lo.. but dear insist its jus a small thought..

anyway, things got better.. dear's condition wasnt as worrying anymore.. had piles & fever(although i only found out@e end of e day cos dear din tell me he recovered frm e overnight fever le..). had dinner@ his place den went 2 walk walk a little.. dear den accompanied me to hougang mrt n shun bian get his stuffs.. had sum supper b4 goin home happily.. hee~

*-samsam- muackssss on dearie's ears*

CNY.... n some teaching.

2006-02-01T01:23:00.000+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year to ALL who are reading my bloggie~~~ =D

Its a fruitful new year holiday cos I learnt alot of my family background.. and history... I ain't gonna jot them down at all.. for there're more impt issues than the history lessons concerning myself and I.

Went to Yi Po's hm to bai nian... then Kim Po's hm... standard la.. but then.. it was a li'l difft this time as Yi Po told me alot and then my curiousity that doesn't kill me(cos i'm not a cat.).. discovered that my mum's the onli daughter of my grandma. and that I don't have any Biao something at all! =D
I oso found out that my dad's got 1 elder sister and 1 elder brother.. he's third.. and he got total of 4 more brothers and 3 more sisters..
I got 3 jiejie one dead and 2 KHORS..
good god. hahah... he's POWER~ =D

haha..
guess wat.. I gotta announce some wierd stuff here..
My Dua Gu who's a PROFESSOR.. gives FOUR dollars Ang Bao.. and an auntie who sweeps at the coffeeshop my mum works at gives TEN FREAKING DOLLARS...
Professor = Stingy person? All professors in this world.. please.. blame that stingy li'l person. LOL..=p

Yeah... went to dearie's home to bai nian... thensaw ALOT of pple.. but i went at a very bad state.. I got diarhhea and that bloody stool problem. f. it came back.. and my head's hurting.. from the minute and worrying abt work. this is my first time learning to F care.. so give mi some time. well.. got a shock when I saw ALL of her neighbours at her home... and the Jimmy said Happy Chinese New Year to me.. and I just smiled back cos I was so tired I don't noe wat to say! it applied to everyone that I met that nite.. freak! God Darn. looking at Jimmy and the bunch of homo-homosepians.. makes me feel like I should belong to that group... LOL... all so boyish look with some muscles here and there. Now I know why so many gays approached me.

Went to ADam's place.. and dearie dint even bother to intro mi to adam's family.. then I took her ang bao.. it was REALLY embarassing... not courteous at all... but no matter how i insist.. dearie won't do it. dint wan the situation to turn bad.. thus just let it go.
then saw Victoria... something she said kinda hurts.. but its silly to even think abt it.. she says she wants edmund.
AM I THAT BAD? well.. I know its a No for sure.. but why?
oh well.. its juz a kid's comment.. even tho a kid's comment is usually the most purely true ones.
wadeva.. the one i love is samsam.. not vic...
on the other hand.. Trinity's cute.. more than cute! heh. At least she don't dislike me.. haha... but seriously.. I just wasn't in the right state to talk or entertain or even do anything... usually I can play ard with kids quite well.. but I dunno how tonite..

Went to Jimmy's place later... the house was just too cozy to be true.. even tho I'd prefer a more spacious place.. but I like the bedroom in particular. Kinda kinky and exotic.. no.. i'm not tinking with my perverted mind.. but romance is wat's inside when I saw the room.

Spent some time at his home as dearie played cards.. she said watch her play awhile.. and her a li'l while turns out to be an hour plus...
It was fine at the beginning.. but then slowly I found out I really hve this hatred towards gambling. I noe.. its for entertaining purpose.. I noe.. its cos its new yr.. and I noe.. its her close neighbours.. and thus it'll be bad to leave in a true li'l while's time.. I have ALL THAT in mind... but when I think abt it again.. dearie got tipsy in front of them the nite before.. and dearie gambles. Isn't it a li'l overboard? I don't noe man... suddenly my protective nature overwhelmed me.. I noe dear's outgoing and loves fun.. that became more of a threat or danger sign to me when I thought of that..
I don't mind dearie' being outgoing and fun loving.. but WHAT IF all those(getting tipsy and gambling) happens outside?
Yes.. I noe dearie's a sensible gal.. I noe dearie can take care of herself..
but let me tell any and every reader one thing.

IF there is NO such thing as ACCIDENTS or POSSIBILITY... and dearie's shu bu qi de nature..
perhaps I won't even get worried at all.. Who noes wat will happen in the world outside? dearie
herself noe her si yao mian zi de ego oso. I shan't continue here.

I noe dearie dun like to be "guaned" but if I onli want you for physical pleasure or toy for some aspect.. and I don't treat you as my love at all.. I WOULDN'T tell you abt it at all.. or even get worked up! I'd be hoping you get tipsy one day outside and so I can dump you when I get bored of you.
I know its onli one month +.. but this kinda thing if I don't put it into words.. It may lead to more sad things next time.. more over.. I believe its nothing bad to learn from.

and please note. I noe clearly that dearie's onli entertaining.. and its onli for a special occasion.. and its onli a once a year thing (perhaps) onli. but can u count for mi how many SPECIAL OCCASIONS can there be?

My ultimate point is that I hope dearie will bear wat I said in mind.. getting tipsy at home is fine.. but please.. self control is more than anything else.. ESPECIALLY YOUR EGO and MIAN ZI.. when you're outside and I'm not with you. Gambling is fine.. (I won't touch it.. I hope you really understand it fully in terms of why and I don't wish anyone else to noe...).. as long as you noe when to stop. for you have live examples in front of u beside your dearest to see how badly it can damage one's personality. You ahve your freedom to exercise anything you want.. and I have mine.. but please.. bear this in mind.

Anything done by our ownself.. we HAVE to bear the consequences. and we SHOULD NOT put hopes on asking the other party to compromise or forgive. for its onli fair and RIGHT for the other party to do so willingly without being asked. this is basic courtesy and way of living. I dunno if dearie understand.

I meant to sound serious and not harsh in this entry.. for I'M DEAD SERIOUS abt this.
Just like that time when I told you that if dear can't chi ku with me.. then don't bother to even put hopes on me.. for I'm prepared for the future.. I need onli someone who can be as prepared as I do. I may get rich as hell or I may be as poor as the beggar.. but no matter wat I will live strong for I've been there and done that.. Nothing's not possible. I've lived on porridge and soy sauce for three meals aday.. two pieces of bread a meal makes no difference.
I already promised you I will work hard.. but still if fate and destiny book writes so that I will turn poor no matter how hard I work.. then I will still face hardship..
it's onli good to be prepared no matter wat.

Dearie told mi that you understand fully.. and you really noe that I meant good for you..
I put my trust in you.. please don't.. play with it.. okay?
for I gave my all previously.. and my trust was taken for granted.. I still am giving my all in all for you.. in fact.. more than I can handle.. I onli hope it is good enuff for you already.

well.. dearie.. I really love you... and it can't be described with words.. I don't noe how to write that down...
but I hope thru my actions and words you can see.. that all of the above ain't from the controlling and power-sucker me... its purely base on love.. concern and cares that arises worries from the wild thoughts of you getting tipsy and how gambling can destroy someone with great characteristics like my.. nvmz..

rmbr u msg mi wat when u were tipsy? I noe.. its between u and mi.. and its dearie's feelings for mi.. but dearie.. u were NOT WITH ME PHYSICALLY at that time... do u noe how worrying it can be? I have this fren.. who used to have a 2 and a half yrs rs with a great guy..
she was outgoing.. happening.. fun loving.. excitement and thrill sucker... went pubbing and clubbing one nite without her boy.. got drunk.. mistaken that guy who sent her back as her boyboy.. fucked.. and the rs goes down to drain.. it was when the guy had ORDed.. and they were probably ready to marry in few yrs time. the guy can't tolerate that that happened.. i dunno wat kinda guy is he.. but i'm sure he's forgiving for he saw AFEW guys playing and fooling ard with his ex at the beach and he's still FINE with it..
Does it sound like its almost applicable?
I am pretty sure if that ever happens to me.. I'd not onli break the bond no matter how strong it is.. I'll break the guy's dick too. I MEAN IT.
For every rs I got into.. I give my all.. esp. this.. for we seem so MFEO in every case.
try putting urself into my shoes if that ever happen.. maybe u'll kill the girl who did it with mi.

dearie..
do you understand?
can u keep these in ur mind and in ur heart?
I need no promises..
for promises were once wat i got.. MILLIONS OF THEM. REASSURANCE INCLUDED.
but it was broken once li'l crack happens and no effort was seen from one party to seal it or even raise it.

I love you dearie..
tell me how you feel.. for I need to noe.
show me how you feel..
for I need to feel.
Love me..
for I need you....

Checkout~
Ray.

Those ~~striked~~ are voided.
For she had learnt and none should be done to remind.

2006-01-28T00:58:00.000+08:00

heh.. just saw a couple of newly uploaded pics of myself in dear's friendster account.. got 1 i like very obscene leh.. lol..

just came back from dearie's place.. went for dinner w his mom & bro @ bukit timah johnson duck.. i've never tasted such tender & nice-tasting duck meat man.. ha..

had gems presentation[magic square] this afternoon. shouldnt haf spent so much time cracking my head on how to find a solution to this magic square man.. majority of e grps actually found the same answer by using trial and error method! unbelievably crazy!!

aft tt went for TA(technical analysis) CA.. e paper din look easy initially.. but do alr still alright la..

once reach dearie hs, help them ta sao chu again.. clean up e whole hs.. really VERY dirty.. but got me dear guohua & randy so hardworking, of course e hs ended up looking spick & span..!

*smiley faced -samsam-*

anw, just to update some happenings ytd.. had very sweet and xing fu moments w dearie.. budden.. 2 rather unfortunate and embarrassing tings happened.. 1st involving guohua.. next involving dear's dad.. quite spoiler la.. but deardear you an wei wo.. ask mi nt 2 wry n stuff.. dear's consolation really made mi eel alot betta man..

b4 going home ytd, went to deliver last batches of pineapple tarts to yirong(dear's godsis) and bernard.. caught up w bernard a lil.. still in relationship problem although he has an incredible body w above average looks.. ha.. finally collected all our pineapple tart earnings.. each of us made about $70 profit.. which isn't alot.. bake until like siao.. take up so much time yet earn so little.. money really hard to earn man..

2006-01-28T00:50:00.000+08:00

sweet as candy is your love..
true and pure like the flying white doves..
melting me in every possible way..

fixing my downs using the sweetest love rain..
touched was i in my heart and soul..
now i still am as my love for you grow..
won't you follow me till we're ripe and old?

so i can watch the sun rise blindingly bright..
and the moon shine in the sky so high..
with your hands tightly i hold..
and our hearts connect with intertwined souls..

its a wish and hope i always pray for..

so sweet ya.. yet another poem i receive from dearie.. it never fills to make me feel better or even happier..i'm so lucky to have someone who treasure and appreciate me so much.. =)

the above poem was wriiten by dear on 27 jan 2005, 23:48hrs..

My Love.. My All.

2006-01-24T13:40:00.000+08:00

Dearie Samsam Su Yun..

Thank you for being such a precious gem in my life.. I'm so thankful I've found you.. and I'm so glad for both of us to be together after going thru wat I tink we both shouldn't deserve in our previous ugly stretch of unlovable lovely roads... it is beyond words that I can describe with my feelings.. but there's something specific I wanna tell you... I'm sorry..

I'm sorry for the things I've done to have hurt you or made you cried in this short period of one month... I'm sorry for raising my voice at you when I could have resolve things in an overall nicer way... Its all inside me.. my personalities.. but I haven't been able to know them.. until you made it clear to me.. I won't expect in the barbaric way for you to compromise with me.. for I know you won't... they say the only true frens are those who'll tell you the truth.. despite it hurts for now.. when the wound heal, you'll feel even better than how you used to be when the truth is told to you.. That.. I respect and thank my dearie.. for being my true fren.. true buddy.. true partner of my life.. my true-est everything.

Even though I've been REALLY busy with my work and all.. down with the worries that came with my health and fitness.. I am in fact more than happy in my heart to have reach this one month milestone with you and still going strong... stronger than before in fact!.. Its a good start for us..an overall quick summary of our ownself we've given to each other.. an unique one month for us. its probably the most beautiful phase for many other couples in the world.. the very month where it's most quarrelless.. where sweetest words were said.. most tasty kisses were exchanged.. endless laughter were found... but many of them found a stumbling block after this very month.. for when things got VERY.. dreamy.. or should I say.. PeRfeCt?.. a simply hairline crack can shatter every single hope and joy they found within themselves.. and the truth of themselves not working hard enuff and taking things for granted will STRIKE eventually.

Note that its not the fact that they're not "there" for each other.. or not good enuff.. or not suited.. its just a fact that ppl take things for granted especially easily when they're in a r.s. where things can come so easily from a willingly giving party... Its Inevitable.. whether or not we deny it.. it will still happens...

however.. wats the point i'm trying to put thru? its just that.. thru this one month.. I believe we’ve proven to each other.. that we’re able to think in that manner.. even tho inevitable to take things for granted.. I know very clearly that we’ll put in the effort to reduce.. pre-empt and try to prevent… (God.. this sound like the meeting I just went thru wit h all the big shots.. nvm..).. Don’t you think so, dearie? I really admire dearie’s ability to think like I do.. when she’s onli 18 yrs old.. 19 this yr.. probably the main reason I fell for her.. yes.. I don’t love you for your big boobies only dearie… =D Please PLEASE please.. take note of that… lol..

Things are real between the both of us.. and that’s great.. nothing’s too dreamy.. nothing’s too big or huge to believe that its true.. (not even our chest.. hee..).. Dearie seems to be quite shock at times when I do things for you.. but please.. its only part of the SOPs that I’ll carry out for the one I love.. When I fall in love. =D just enjoy yourself.. don’t tink of repaying.. for by loving.. you’ve paid more than enuff such that I have to give more in an “always” basis le… so if you wan me to be bankrupt.. then tink of repaying me ba.. hahaha.. I tink dearie’s also one of those born givers too…

Some cool things she did for mi that nv fail to perk me up:
Made breakfast for mi during worktime..
Bought countless lunches for me..
Came all the way from HG to my home when I’m sick to see me..
Listened to me whenever I need her to be there.. she’s ALWAYS there.. even at 2AM… muakx dearie.
Help me attend to my wound on my toe.. give me TLC.. hehee..
Taught me how to float backwards even tho I’m a sinker.. hehehe.. =p
& SO MANY MORE……

I really really appreciate them so so much dearie… and…
Before I end my letter.. I just wanna say.. thank you dearie…
~..Happy Monthlyversary..~

May the sensuality prolong as we kiss and the affections turns uncontrollable as we love…(,”)*(“,)
Our monthlyversary poem…
Name: Love.
For: You.
Written by: Me.

Burning is my love for you..
True like a devotee..
Yet silly like a worthless Fool..
Fiery is my passion for you..
The beauty in my eyes so beastie..

When the sun sink beyonds the horizon line..
On my bended knees I pray..
For simple happiness to fill you..
When the moon hangs high in mystical sky..
Upon every falling star I wish..
For our love to stay true..
Til forever ends and eternity is thru..

In my mind runs endless threads..
Threads of thoughts to make you glad..
In my heart beats rhythmic sound..
Sound that says.. I Love You, Sam…
In my blood flows endless words..
Words that reads..
“Dearie dearie in my heart so deep and true..
Since the day I tasted you...
The cute and poisonous forbidden fruit...
I fell and feel so deeply in my all for you..
My soul longs for you..
My lung needs you..
My heart starves for you..
My mind craves of you..
I Want You…
I can simply live on you alone..
Nv will I get enuff dosage of you..
God.. I’m so obsessed.. with.. You…
Won’t you give me more…
Please, milady? Heee…”
~The Beginning~

Let the ending of the letter help us reminisce the past and let the written ending be the beginning of our living relationship… May there be no broken promises.. and only heart so true it’d touch the Cupid Angels in the sky from our heart deeper than the deepest sea… =)

By: Notti Qing Lotsa Kisses and Warm Hugx 24th January 2006

Above... is a letter.. that I wrote for her.. hehe.. that explains why I feel so tired le.. :Pp finally the truth is known.. bleah.. actually.. I've been writing letters almost everynite last week.. but I threw away all.. cos all are so lousily written.. this is probably the best out of the shagness I'm suffering from.. LOL..
hope you'll enjoy readin it dearie..

*MUACKS!*..
Happy First Monthlyvarsery..~ =D

2006-01-24T11:36:00.000+08:00

we have been super busy in baking & baking.. selling & selling cny cookies for e coming new year.. yet we can still find time to work out in gym and exercise.. dear brought me to run an incredible(for me only) 7km on saturday.. cant believe either.. ha~ taught me many effective ways to work out the right and proper way too!

ytd wrk @ HTA frm 7-1pm.. den had lunch(fd wasnt fantastic at all..) w dear.. went to school for lesson then went national stadium to make payment 4 ncap theory 1 den gave dear a surprise cos i went cck to 'fetch' him.we then proceeded to heeren's marche for dinner w irin&brian.. our FIRST double date in more than 2 yrs.. ha.. very nice & chatty dinner.. glad everyone cld click so well.. after dinner, we went seperate ways n we had our 1st month neoprint taken..!

spent an incredible 1st month w u dear.. though we had disagreements, we were able to sought things out pretty quickly maturely.. i love tt~ furthermore, u make me so happy. ur company is just so great and enjoyable.. i thank you for your immense understanding & tolerance 4 me..

Happy 1st Monthsary =)

*kisses blown by -samsam-*

bai shan xiao wei xian..

2006-01-21T01:49:00.000+08:00

Well.. this is probably a complaint entry..
but before I complain.. I need again to thank someone..
she's no other than my dearie..
she's always there.. despite the bad temper and easy moodswing.. shouting and yelling.. she's always there for mi... esp. recently when i'm going through some real ups and downs from my family... I hate family problem.. for it is one of the most important concern of my life... next to my r.s...

Today.. worked half day and just left the workplace.. nothing left to do.. yes.. I'm not too egoistic to say I'm rather competent to finish that whole pile of shitwork due to the stress I've been facing from MONEY and FAMILY.
Met dearie.. dearie bought lunch.. mac again.. she suggested it even tho I asked for help in restriction.. but well.. thx dearie.. i noe u tried. =)
anyway... we both bought each other monthlyversary gifts TODAY! lol.. thats so cute and sweet... chemistry ma? I don't really trust that anymore.. thx to shir. but still its sweet to have coincidences of doing same stuffs to each other in a r.s... Don't worry dearie.. I now believe strongly in onli effort in commitment and discipline-->faithfulness... can make a r.s work.. I juz kinda stopped indulging (that much) into chemistry... its something that can have can dun have.. I don't wanna place too much confidence into that saying that we're compatible cos of that.. for I believe we're compatible in too many other ways even ways we haven't find out than to just mention abt chemistry...

Bought her a chain.. find it rather unique.. and its black and red.. haha.. I think these two colors are hot and sexy... simply her. another side i mean. hahaha..
its cheap.. but still.. I hope she really liked it and will wear it someday.. not like the earrings... hahaha...
She bought mi my FAVOURITE SOFTTOY~~~~~ Chicken Little's ALIEN!!! hehee.. HAO KE AI OH..... thx so much dearie..
it came VERY MUCH of a surprise.. for I thought she nv will buy it for mi.. cos she seem to hate it very much when i'm looking at it...
haha.. but yah.. xie xie oh...

Hmmiez..
then.. we.. made o.. okay nvmz... had some romance sessions.. then had dinner with mummy... then after that.. did some quick new year shopping.. then go home and thats when my complain's gonna start...

mummy tried borrowing 200 dollars from mi in front of dearie and my bro... I'm onli left with 245 in my account.. and I have thailand trip to go to in FEB 9... Thats before my payday.. I oso owe dearie 150 bucks... which i wanted to return with that 245... thus I told her I don't have enuff.. but she got really persistent and start nagging abt "I thought of getting some money from u to guo nian.." I was like wtf? u earn more than mi leh... and I've not been getting money from u le.. and I DID GIVE YOU MONEY.... u always say borrow and nv return.. i nv said that la.. but well.. Sudden frustration came up.. cos she continues to be persistent... I REALLY DON'T HAVE ENUFF FOR MYSELF...... IF I HAVE I'D LEND YOU GLADLY WITH BOTH HANDS...
I told her that.. but she nv seem to understand... keep repeating that I THOUGHT OF GETTING SOME MONEY FROM U THEN RETURN U LATER..

FCUK LA.. WHEN SHE GOT RETURN ONE?
sigh.
then I took out my wallet's money.. ALL of them.. leaving onli 10 dollars.. deciding to live with it for the next two ddays... and ask my bro to pass to her.. then she rejected. expected. then I sent dearie home.. after having a li'l chat and all.. sorry dearie.. to make u go home so late.. its juz so tempting to liu ni jiu yi dian... I really enjoy being with you so much... how i wish u wouldn't need to go.
Yha.. then met up with peiying... passed her the pineapple tarts... took train with dearie to AMK.. then took train back to CCK to find yk and mike ONLY. I hate it when my effort gets unappreciated and taken for granted!!!! Half of them told mi "I'M TIRED.. TOO SHAGGED.. WON'T MEET YOU ALL LE."
wat the FCUK IS WRONG?!! AM I NOT TIRED? IF I CAN MAKE THE EFFORT TO CALL YOU GUYS OUT.. AND YOU GUYS DECIDED TO COME OUT ALREADY.. THEN I PIA DOWN AND FIND YOU ALL THEN YOU ALL LAST MINUTE TELL ME YOU DON'T WANNA COME COS YOU'RE TIRED?!!!!!
ITS NOT LIKE I'M NOT TIRED NOE...

Sigh. nvm.
I told myself to be understanding.. thus I dint really flare up in front of them... and onli did so down here...

then.. walked home with yk... chatted abt the website... and took a cabbie home.. dearie called.. I thought she slp le.. and thus I dint wanna reply that sms so she can soundly fall asleep without even the need to hear the beeping sound of msg and tink of whether to answer... but she still called to ensure I'm safe and sound... thanks dearie.. For your tender loving care... Love your concerns...

While on the cabbie home.. thoughts went thru my mind.. I feel so bad for yelling at mummy... then I thought of Mr Yong telling mi.. "Bai Shan Xiao Wei Xian..." Charity starts from filial peity first... and I felt worst.. I asked her to get from daddy.. doesn't sound right.. cos daddy needs the money to see doc.
then I asked the uncle to go to the ATM.. and I alighted there.. then took the money and went home.... gave it to mum... reluctantly.. she accepted it.
Sorry mum.. but I really hope she'll spend it wisely...
I'm left with 45 bucks... probably 90. from all the bakings. then dad's gonna give some money for clothings le... maybe 190?
Come to tink of it.. Ang Bao won't be of any meaning from mummy le.

EVERYTHING SEEMS SO WRONG~
AIYA! FCUK IT LA!
I'M SO TIRED.....

Tink of how to earn more money tomolo ba.

Checkout~
KoKo.(Trial)

2006-01-20T17:42:00.000+08:00

what a surprise.. we both bought each other 1st monthsary presents. each meant to be given out on 24 jan 2006 but ha.. dear saw his alien hair creature & i gt a nice necklace frm deardear.. act bought it on the way to sch this afternoon.. who knows we both bought each other tings? only realised@noon that dear wrk half-day2day.. so we met up aft my clz =)

what a coincidence.. smthg we share this telepathy.. we dun haf to tell each other anything but we sure know how to please each other =)

had a great run w u ytd night dear.. was very happy i ran almost 6click without feeling as tired as e previous time i ran 5click..

*sweet smiles left by -samsam-*

wat a day...

2006-01-20T00:45:00.000+08:00

SCREAMS.. TYPED SOOOO MUCH AND IT HUNG. SIGH.. ITS NOT THE FIRST TIME.. BUT WELL.. IT STILL IRRITATES AND FRUSTRATES ME SO MUCH....
SIGH. NVM..
BREATH IN DEEP.. RELAX.. 6 SECONDS............. okay....

GREAT worry abt my dad.. he's STILL coughing even tho til now.. sigh..
May Heavenly Father Bless him and Heal him.. even tho he's my earthly dad.. he's the one who raised me up with Hard and Rough Work.. there's NO reason why I shouldn't have the chance to repay him... Please dearest Lord of All God... Help me.. Help my dad.. save him.. don't bring him up yet... 20 more years.. I'm trying very hard already... please... Amen.. in Jesus name I pray and Ask.. Amen.. Anyone who read this.. please.. pray with me.. if you do care.. please.. I'll be more than glad for this blessing you endowed me with...... Thank you all...

great run.. w dear, dear's dad, dear's sis and dear's dad's frenz..
great cookie baking..
great ptarts making.. til late late..
I've been SO worn out..
but the run perked me up somehow...

Love dearie..
Hugx...

time to zzz...

Checkout~
Ray.

2006-01-18T23:54:00.000+08:00

today was quite a rough yet mild day for us both.. i felt really terrible in the morning.. woke up feeling faint den on e way to sch felt really nauseous.. luckily i seek dear's help, bought some suan mei & felt much better after that. den when i ended sch@12, i bought lunch for e both of us n headed 2 HTA 2 mit dear 4 lunch den work.. b4 i reached CCK, we kinda argued verbally over SMS(i shan't go into details).. indeed, i was pretty upset..

still, we had our lunch tgt @ e pool.. though zhen chong(dear tinks his a ji hong kia w kiam pa looks) & chay plus other staffs were present there.. we couldnt care less.. jus enjoyed our world of our own=) somehow dear manage to lift up my mood.. he made me smile.. accompanied me 4 tt 1 hr and had a gd chat..

aft tt we both resumed our wrk.. heavy rain.. swimming po0l is still non-operational yet so basically lifeguarding nw is useless.. i get free pay.. ha~ lucky i made some use of my time to read up my blaw notes & TA (upcoming test next fri).

dear ended wrk@5.40 so we met & left HTA @ 6pm. took a cab out which took such a long time to reach westmall! had dinner at mos burger though e service is really slow.. we joke tt mos burger is only called fast food cos their small portions of fd can b easily consumed in a short time.. ha~ aft tt bought some fruits den went dear's hs.. on e way bac on 945, somehow e same quarrel surfaced again.. was pretty unpleasant but we managed to talk things out at his home.. dear told me many of his worries also.. which i appreciated alot.. he allowed me to understand him better.. not only that, we managed to resolve our quarrel by agreeing to set things clearly before making a decision so as to not raise a misunderstanding.. of course, we made up=) very glad tt dear handled e situation in a very controlled, sensible&mature way.. somehow i managed to not flare up like a crazy woman.. heh~

dear sent me to bb station den went home to mit jason(his bball pal/coach).. heard he broke up w his >1 yr galfriend.. haiz.. hate to hear couples braking up.. heart-breaking.. jason was e party tt got hurt.. dear is consoling nw.. hope he'll feel better..

*comments left by -samsam-*

christian name..

2006-01-18T10:20:00.000+08:00

Frankly speaking.. havent been able to find a suitable name.. or some name that i really like..
not even Ray...

a few names come to my mind.. since i had nearly nothing to do for today (FINALLY..)....

KeiKo..
Kraz..
Kai...
Kryl
Karma
Kryst
Klair
kain

Any suggestions?

Miss you dearie..

Checkout.
Ray ~ For now.

cookie-full day...

2006-01-16T01:19:00.000+08:00

hehe.. baked A LOT A LOT A LOT of cookiez at dearie'z home yesterday.... I alwayz tot it is sweet to bake or cook together with your love ones.. or rather.. more like my gf as I've onli done so with my exs and current gf... nv with my parentz... When dearie commented that she's happy that I accompanied her thru out the whole process of baking.. I felt wierd... will anyone wan to leave her gf alone to do something so tiring and not to mention lonely in the kitchen all by herself? not me.

Haha.. it was pure fun and laughter.. enjoyed communicating with her sis and bro.. glad we could click somehow.. not really well.. but yah.. somehow =)
love the li'l moments dearie and i spent teasing each other.. in Many wayz.. hehee.. and of course.. the n**** moments spent in the li'l space i shan't say where... ahha... stealing time off movies and everything else to gaze at the stars were juz heavenly... and it was when dearie was pattin mi to slp on her bed.. being sleepy.. and feelin uhhum.. something else.. made it so dreamy when we had a li'l romance session here and there as I try to fall asleep in her cozy cuddle.. hehe.. came more of a surprise to me when dearie said it was romantic and she enjoyed watching the stars with mi.. for she always told mi that she don't like and she don't even wanna try such thing as its boliao.. before we got together that is.. haha..
dearie was juz SO mesmerizing.. =)

Even tho dorifish will read this.. I muz comment on something.. dearie.. you really can drive mi crazy with ur N**** F****R* and awesome B*O**** :Pp hahhaa... I hope I did well for you too baby.. I think I should start a new blog so I can write down all these personal and private stuffs.. hehehe... :Pp

Hmm.. then I muz apologize.. dearie.. i'm not antisocial okie.. I dint wanna go down cos I ain't dressed properly... more of that hit me when ur sis act need to dress up and wear earrings... yah.. if the chance comes again.. I will go de... I wanna noe ur circle of frens too! So I can be closer to you... and know and understand you better... =)
Dearie was extremely sweet to me when dearie went downstairs to get dinner for mi while she left mi at her home to zzz... thx dearie... thx so much...

Dearie also commented that I always manage to please her in everyway she wanted.. I really dint noe how ed treated you last time.. at least before the blog starts.. which was all the sweet part i believe..but I always believed he muz have treated u pretty well somehow somewat too.. thus I hope I am juz enuf to satisfy u... I noe it sound silly.. but maybe its wat love is all about when it struck.. esp. when it strikes me so hard everyday...
However... I muz tell dearie that I aint a saint and thus these wont ALWAYS happen.. thus please enjoy and more importantly cherish these moments.. dearie.. upon hearing that.. please do not worry.. for I aint gonna treat u badly next time.. thats not wat wat i meant but rest assure for I promise you that I will try to treat you in the best way i can do... by mi, myself and I... all the treatment will be from my heart and sincere and truthful...

I Love You dearie...
Thank you for every single thing.. I feel so blessed to have you despites all the sins and bad things I've done in my life. Thank God. Don't mind the christian slang. I am afterall a christian. =) more importantly.. I'm juz really happy.. to have found you.. and I thank God for that.

I wonder how's my dad... Hope he's okay.. hope mum's health will be good too..
I oso hope bro will recover.. before he really fall damn sick...
Hope many buy our cookies and ptarts too! hehe...
Hope dearie will stay by my side til eternity ends and forever shatters. Sounds corny.. let me rephrase.. Hope dearie will stay by my side til very very very VERY long from now.. when we both leave for heaven... hee. May there be more happiness than sadness.. more understanding than compromising blindly.. more love.. than anything. =)

The above I wish upon the two stars dearie and I saw.. Will you grant my wish please?

*hugx dearie to sleep... * I miss you... dearly..

Checkout~
Ray.

2006-01-14T21:33:00.000+08:00

smthg pretty amazing happened dis mrng..cos dear gave me an exceptionally pleasant surprise......................................

it was my1st day day of wrk@ HTA. suppose2start wrk@ 7am. ke shi wo ren shen di bu shou.. haven been there b4&tt place is super ulu@ CCK. nevertheless, i still headed 4 tt place aft i left hm@ 5.45am. my HP was running on two-thirds battery, so i decided2switch off my hp2conserve battery life. it was only when i alighted@ CCK den i switch on my hp again.

"1 message received.. dear said he went out 4 breakfast @ his mom's place @ 5.45am.. i was tinking.. weird..shouldnt he be sleeping?? nan dao.....? bu ke neng ah..."

i continued walking2 CCK interchange & try finding for e place2 board bus service 172. act i gt try peeking for dear de(kinda gt guess dear MIGHT plan a surprise but din pin much hopes on it). so obviously, i saw no signs of dear. but as i walked further, suddenly i felt a quick patx on my shoulder n tt was dear!!!!!

GOODNESS.. imagine hw shock i was 2 c him.. i was DAMN HAPPY la.. dear was SOo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o SWEET 2 haf travelled all e way down here jus 2 bring me2 HTA.. worst ting is dear din slp whole nite cos he scared he cant wake up in tym o.. somemore bought breakfast snacks 4 me.. n e best part, he brought a small towel 4 me! (it was only aft i left hm den i realise i 4got 2 bring towel..) wah seh.. dear so clever.. xiang qi lai ye man bu ke si yi de.. but i brought his mom's pouch & dear's specs(which he wanted2ask me bring but din) without him reminding me =) wo men hao you mo qi o.. hee!

on e bus2HTA de shi hou, i was practically melting in joy lo.. hao tian o.. so lucky of me.. so xi xing of dear.. hao xing fu! love being able 2 hug dear in e wee hours of e mrng & mrng kisses!! =p zhen de zhen de hen gan ji ni zhi dao ba.. all along wo pan wang you zhe zhong surprises 2 dou wo kai xing.. dear gen ben dou neng zou dao yi qie! which he tinks its e least he can do only.. to me its not lo dear.. i really really appreciated every effort put into every surprise u gave me lor..

i'm so thankful i have you dear..

*hugs given by -samsam-*

success!~~ hee...

2006-01-14T08:07:00.000+08:00

hee.. left home at 5.45... waited for 10 minz buz... then took one round cos mi feel too early le.. then take mrt to cck.. reached at 6.14.. haha.. then go seven eleven buy choco hello panda and milk.. dearie'z fav. combi according to herself...haha.. then got an apple pie and wrap it in the towel to keep warm juz in case dearie feel cold can eat... haha.. dearie nv bring towel oso! haha.. somehow i juz noe.. the wrapping apple pie thing was simply convenience.. lol.. then got myself a sm with egg... then waited and ate as I wait for dear patiently from 6.30 onwards :)...

dearie late o.. haha.. she reach at 6.50... saw her from far.. thus hide behind vending machine opposite of buz number... she'll be busy looking at the numberz and wont see me! hehe.. clever? :Ppp hahaha.. and plan goes well til I shock her with my existence! :Pp hahaha.... so fun... hugged and locked lipz and all.. then waited for buz... board buz and see dear literally melt in sweetnezz... hehehe.. so cute and adorable! esp. with her blushy cheekz...

reached HTA and accompanied dearie to find swimming pool... so ulu.. and the swimming pool face wall de... like shit sia....hhahaa..but got morning sunshine.. but i can't see anyway... laid on dearie'z lap for awhile at the spectatorz stand... not too bad.. haha.. got huge piece of cardboard left behind by the workerz... almost fell asleep as I chat with dear and her caresses melts my mental str to stay awake... hehehe... then come her fren.. or rather.. colleague.. dint bother to remember the name coz he'z FCUKING JI HONG *pun intended*.. onli talk to dear. dun even response to me.. like i'm invisible or something? I'm not jealouz but I juz can't stand this kinda guy...worst thing? he got a FCUKING KIAM PA LOOK *As of above*... felt like punching him right in his face or something. nah.

I shall go rejuvenate my str for later use.....

*Hibernation program activated.... *
zzzzz...z.z.z.z.z.z...zzzzz..........

C...h...e...c....k....o...u...t........~~
R...a...y....

hee.. some addon..

2006-01-14T04:16:00.000+08:00

Read from somebody's testi that somebody wanna attain 3.5 GPA oh.. my GPA's 3.59! hehehe.. itz not too high.. or rather.. not high at all.. I'm still proud of it nevertheless!!=D okioki.. thx gwennie.. u're the reason i get the result=p n... hmm.. there's no such thing as too big an EGO! Right, Yang? LOL..... =p

Checkout~
Ray.

tiredx.. but still hanging on..

2006-01-14T03:52:00.000+08:00

Dearie... dun tire urself with so many things you wanna change oki... I'm thankful enuff that you have the heart to change the so-called bad stuffs... but do note that u're not changing onli for mi but for the better of urself and to become a better person yah? =) I am not tolerant la.. but can dear dun alwayz say "aww.. dear angry at me le.".. cos sometimes I suddenly change face abit ar.. then after awhile I'll be okay le.. I need to learn to cope with my own temper too.. give mi that li'l time to accept the compromisation I did for you (for e.g.: Dear wan mi to stay at ATM downstairs to wait for you...if I compromized and waited.. I may pull a long face for a bit while..)... I'll be fine in no time! Really.. I mean.. I have to try yah... ? =)

hmmiez.. dearie.. if I am too demanding.. pls tell me.. I don't wish for that to be a quarrelling factor in our r/s anytime from now onwards oki...? I will do the same for dearie oso... I have so much more confidence in you compared to my previous r/s simple because of the fact that both of us can voice out our thoughts with no shyness or in other words.. we're DAMN straightforward =) hee...dun u tink so too? ---gives dear li'l no*** ho*** k*****--- kekeke...

Anyway... I can't wait for 5 am to come.. so I can wake u up with a morning call.. haha.. I don't think I can go swimming later le.. because of this surprise I'm planning and carrying out later... yah... dun tink dearie will read this blog before leaving home since dearie'll be RUsHing like crazy!! hahaha.. bet dearie'll be very sleepy oso.. thus I wanna make the first day of deardear's working experience at HTA good good.... It'z juz another little thing that I can do with a little bit of endurance.. Mind over matter yah? hahah... =)
Abit of backache pluz late slp won't kill yah? hhahhaa... muacks dearie... see ya later oh... hahah .. hope u'd like it ! =P

I love you dearie..

checkout~
Ray.

2006-01-13T14:46:00.000+08:00

first, i admit i ignore wad dear say sometimes.. its not intentional yet i'm conscious while i do tt.. yes i do tend2walk away when dear is seeing his stuff too..but tts cos i dun wanna waste time, i rather carry on looking at stuffs that interested me more? i noe its abit selfish la.. but i'ld try to change ok? tt includes listening more attentively to dear! =) i wanna change my bad temper too.. i tend to get very irritated when dear raises his voice at me.. den i'ld shout back.. making it become a quarrel.. haiz~ stupid temper of mine..!!

anw had a very nice time shopping w dear ytd.. plus all those no*** ho*** k*****.. haha.. so glad to haf dear who's so tolerant of me and understands me so well.. =)

*kisses left by -samsam-*

Gai Gai with dearie!!!=p

2006-01-12T23:53:00.000+08:00

first of all.. many many infinite thanx to dearie for hearing mi out when i needed a listening ear... it was truly amazing how our heartz being two different entities and so far apart yet connect so closely together.. i mean.. i tried to slp after puttin down the fone with dearie.. that was abt 12.30 or so.. and the time when i broke down it was 2am... really couldn't slp by the torments of the unpleasant feelings and thoughts of the mishappenings that may happen. thus i msged dearie wanting to tell her..i dint call her or ask her to call back or have anything to that aspect written in that sms.. but when i finish typing and went back to the main page... i saw "1 message received".. and guess wat.. it was dearie askin mi if i slp le n she miss mi... missing her dearly.. i replied as my heart told mi to.
she then called mi and we chatted and things happened are as described in the previous entry....

very sweet indeed..
went for my very last physiotherapy today.. and today's test and review's siong!! lol.. almost like a training regime of my very own.. 5 sets of 5 different kind of sprinting and running! short distance sprint la. then 2.4 run and cycling.. haha.. it is juz DAMN tiring since its in the early morning 9 am... act.. it 9.30 cos i was late. hehee.. ate a green apple in the morning.. dearie say will help jian fei.. it was SO sour~~~ but i still finished it la... haha.. then had a banana kueh after physio bought by dearie.. sweet.. literally ;P o.. interruption.. sorry dearie for letting u wait so long at the counter.. hugx... haha..continuing... then.. we went CT to shop and also service my specs.. ya.. the chicken li'l specs cui cos i stepped on it.. lol.. yah... it was really good service anyway~ :)

after that.. we went to marina...eat lunch at Yuki.Yaki... haha... had fun cooking for dearie.. and chewing all the huge pieces of beef patties;P cook lotsa mushroom for dearie.. glad dearie like it oh..=) then dearie cook her sister(doryfish) then we eat her together.. lol... SO DELICIOUS! :Pp hmm.. then funniest part should be... eh... we took quite alot of food ar.. until we cannot finish then we end up "decorating" the food into "eaten" food and not wasted food cos wasted food will be charged at FIVE BUCKS PER 100 GRAMS wo! so exp! :P

DEARIE DID ALL THE PLANNING!!! repeat.. ALL :P lol.... dearie.. so notti ar... haha..

hmm.. then we went to Samuel and Keith.. where i got 2 pairs of really nice jeans.. one that can show mi butt crack and its beautiful blossom.. LOL... the girls outside who saw mi showing dearie my qiao qiao de pi gu oso peng~ HAHAA.. i'm so proud of it.. anyway.. dearie chose two t shirts.. act one is sleeveless la.. but both green green color.. lol.. aiya.. more imptly is both oso look quite nice on mi la.. (dearie read this surely will say "i choose one ma.. confirm nice one lor.." :P) haha.. dearie got a jacket.. and then we went to bugis and she got a brown long pantz.. oh ya.. got red undies for dad and then we travelled to PS to change and alter the jeans for correct size and length since marina no hab... haha.. by this time.. dearie and i were really tired le.... and i believe and foresee that a quarrel will happen.. haha... thus i told dearie she's not the onli one who's tired and we muz be more understanding from now onwards... at the bugis street la... but who noes.. after we were done with all the stuffs which includes dearie's bra tryouts:P (I'll remember de.. 34D Tube Bandeau rite?:P) and travelled to HG mall to get a GoldLion polo T for dad and something for mummy.. a li'l quarrel broke out when we were choosing the size for my dad... dearie insisted its very big size and S should be ok.. and keep insisting that daddy's du nan not big.. haha..but i noe him more ma.. so i insisted its M size and his du nan quite big lo.. haha.. then quarrel bitbit.. but i'm still clear headed la.. despite being hit together with headache.. arm ache.. and lower back ache.... probably from the sprinting and changing of direction training that kinda thing in the physio. too long nv training le la.. haha.. sobx.. muz train back~~~ yah.. saw dearie's daddy too when we were choosing the shirt for my dad. haha.. he tot it was for mi.. lol.. :Pp yah.. end up her dad and mum oso at HG Mall.. buying groceries AGAIN! goodness.. hahaha... so many things and daily necessities to buy ma? =p..

anyway.. something bad broke out too... and feel bad abt it.. still.. even now... i raised my voice at dearie and dearie raised her voice telling mi thati should tell her earlier i wanna get thing for mummy.. but i already said i am getting things for dad and mum when we were at bugis.. and then after that she suggested going to HG Mall ma.. so i thought she noe that place well and there'll be stuffs to look for.. then end up.. i tink dearie nv hear mi saying abt my mum and she say i onli say abt my dad... sigh... then the things tat happened in the morning hit back to mi that dearie like got this habit of not listeningto wat i say... sometimes i see things she oso juz walk away.. i mean tat walk away thing is pretty okay.. but then she dun listen when i talk to her and she juz do her own thing then sometimes even juz interrupt mi with her own thoughts.. thencai hui end up like that,, nv hear mi then still say i nv say earlier lor.. yah.. it was a rather strong feeling even tho i believe if i am perfectly fine and not disturbed by those few consistent aches i will be able to take it la... ya.. lucky thing is dearie is understanding enuff la.. to forgive mi for kinda yellin at her...

*baobao*.. so sorry dearie...
lets change together okay?

thx dearie... for making the shopping trip such a fruitful one... really appreciate and cherish all our time spent together and ur understanding and efforts to keep ur anger down.. i noe its hard cos i have tat problem too.. but be glad we noe and admit to our own wrongs.. its onli a matter of time that we change if we wanna change lo.. i wanna change.. and i will change de... i dunno abt dearie's xin yi.. but dearie change or dun change i oso dun mind la... but if dearie say wanna change.. i hope is ren zhen de and dun anyhow say say oh...

oki la...
gotta go zzz liao....
nitex ppl... nitex dearie...

*muacckkksss for dearie*.. ehehhee =p enjoyed ALL the kisses.. and butt grabbing.. and hmm.. nvm.. haha...u noe i noe can le.. bleah... help mi say thx to ur mum for complimenting!!:Pp hahaha...

Checkout~
Ray.